Influential Communication

Not everyone thinks the same way we do.

The single biggest mistake we can make in business and in life is to assume that the way we understand and perceive the world is the same as everyone else. We’re all individuals, which means we all see, think, view, and understand things in slightly different ways.

The same goes for communication — how many times have we had to rephrase something in a conversation that we assume to be simple because the person we were talking to just didn’t “get it”? Probably several times. This is why it is vital to understand and speak someone’s language.

Choosing the correct language is vital if we want a successful outcome to a conversation.

Neuro Linguistic programming is a major game changer in communication

We will discuss two specific systems — NLP and LAB. NLP stands for neuro–linguistic programming, while LAB is the system this summary is built on — language and behavior profile.

NLP is a long–established model which was established in the mid 1970’s. This is about understanding and reaching into an individual’s mindset, figuring out what is unique about them, and then working out the best way to communicate with them to get the right outcome.?

LAB is a system that Rodger Bailey developed in the 1980’s. This system is based upon NLP and takes the idea a step further, working with different behavior patterns to understand what makes up a person’s model of the world, therefore giving us the best communication options for that specific person.

Neuro–linguistic programming is a way of delving into someone’s reality and communicating in a way that influences them best. As we practice the different areas of NLP, we will find it easier to know what to say without really thinking about it. The whole idea behind NLP is that people respond far better when we speak their language and by assessing their personality and how they respond, we will know the words to use.

We view the world via filters before creating our independent opinion

We do not see the world in black and white. We filter out what we want to see and decipher it in our own unique way.

When we communicate and perceive the world around us, we all use three specific filters — deletion, distortion, and generalization. These filters help us create our particular view of a thing, person, or the world in general, at any given time.

Deletion is natural; as humans, we tend to delete much of the information around us and pick out the things we assume to be necessary. We distort things around us quite a lot too. We do this by allowing our imagination to think about how we want things to be or how we would imagine things to look, and we use that model as the basis of our thinking. We also generalize, and this is the key to how we learn. When we generalize, we take a few examples of a specific subject, and we build up a general idea from there. Sometimes our generalization efforts are correct, and sometimes they’re far off the mark!

By understanding filters and our own particular motivational traits, we can learn more about how we create our view of the world. Still, we can also use this information to think about how a person views the world and then dedicate our approach when communicating them in a unique and bespoke way.

People transform their experience, their opinions, and so on, in ways that correspond to their particular deletions, distortions, and generalizations.

Learn how to use influencing language to connect with those around us

The whole point of understanding how someone views the world is to allow us to know the best language to use when communicating with them. This is known as “influencing language.” When we see the language that influences a person, we can do our best to get what we want out of the conversation and steer it towards the destination we want to reach.

Once we understand a person’s patterns via LAB, we can change the way we speak, e.g., the words we use and how we say them, to create the right impact on that person. Every person reacts differently to different types of words, phrases, and body language. By understanding the person we’re communicating with, we can communicate successfully. This also reduces misunderstandings and conflict because we’re talking to them in a way they truly understand and agree with.

Understanding a person’s way of communicating helps to reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.

Everyone has a different motivation when communicating with others

When trying to assess someone’s way of communicating, the first step is to work out what their motivation is and where it comes from. It’s also a helpful tactic to try on ourselves, so we can better understand where our motivation derives from and what helps to push us on to succeed.?

We can recognize an assertive person by the way they speak. Much of the time, they will be pretty direct and to the point. They will speak in short sentences and might come over as impatient, showing body language such as fidgeting or tapping their fingers on the desk.

Beware of pressing hot buttons when communicating with others

Everyone has specific subject areas or types of language that cause their emotions to flare and their temper to rise. By understanding someone’s “hot buttons,” we can avoid conflict and also help to elicit the correct type of emotional response. This can be very helpful when trying to motivate someone or get them to feel passionate about a particular endeavor.

Emotional triggers can make us happy, sad, angry, or downright furious. By understanding our own,? we will be more able to spot them in other people.

We all have our hot buttons. When we hear language or specific criteria related to our unique hot buttons, the emotional response attached to that button will immediately come to the fore. To find out what someone’s hot buttons are, we need to pay attention to the way they speak, their body language, and the words they don’t say, e.g., tone of voice, facial expressions.??

To identify hot buttons and use them in the right way, we need to ask questions such as “What is important to you?”, “What would there have to be to meet your needs?”, “What counts to you?” If we want to maintain a person’s attention and interest and incite passion within a subject or project, using hot buttons carefully can help bring position emotions to the surface.

We should pay attention to how people answer instead of what they say.

Identify a person’s direction in life to communicate in a more effective way

Another part of the puzzle is identifying where a person is going in life. This can help us understand how to reach the goal we are aiming toward. It’s important to realize that this is very context–driven; we need to work out where they are going in terms of the subject we are discussing, such as work, personal life, etc. We all have goals in some regions of our lives and problems we’re trying to avoid in others

The way someone responds to stress speaks volumes about them

Workplace stress is highly prevalent these days, and how someone deals with what is considered an average amount of stress at work can give us clues on how best to communicate with them to get what we want. It’s important to remember that this has to be within the context of work and not personal life. Everyone deals with stress slightly differently, but there are three main patterns to look out for:

? Feeling Type

? Thinking Type

? Choice Type

Feeling Type : Someone with a feeling pattern cannot handle a high–stress type of job, and they show emotional responses to an average level of workplace stress. If we are dealing with a person in the feeling category, use words such as “wonderful,” “exciting,” “intense.”

Thinking Type : A person who is in the thinking pattern has an initial emotional response, but they can overcome it pretty quickly, and they return to their normal state easily. If we are speaking to someone in the thinking category, use words such as “feels right,” “appropriate,” and “empathy.”

Choice Type : A person within the choice category can be passionate or completely switched off; they’re able to choose their state when handling stress. This type of person can handle emergencies and stressful situations quite well and is usually found in high–stress jobs. If we are talking to someone who is more towards the choice end of the scale, use words such as “facts,” “clear thinking,” “statistics.”