INFLUENCING ABOVE THE LINE

Taking ownership of our mistakes, or responding to a team members misgivings can be difficult, but learning how to take the ‘high road’ could save your relationship and gain influence you may not have had otherwise …

ABOVE AND BELOW THE LINE RESPONSES

When we are presented with an issue or a problem that we are required to take responsibility for, we have the choice to either respond ‘Above the Line’ or ‘Below the Line’. These terms were popularised in the book, The Oz Principle, written by Connors, Smith and Hickman. The term ‘Responding Below the Line’ means responding in ways that are more likely to be knee-jerk reactions rather than carefully considered actions. ‘Above the Line’ responses tend to be less reactionary and are more likely to be thoughtful and considered.

‘Below the Line’ responses commonly include; blaming others, making excuses, denying there is an issue, deflecting, derailing, and ultimately avoiding or even overtly failing to take responsibility. Defensiveness is a key ‘Below the Line’ response. It is an emotional response that often manifests itself in our body language, our tone of voice, and the actual words we respond with. Unfortunately, defensive responses will always cause the issue to grow and increase in complexity, leaving the recipient with an even bigger problem than they first reacted to. Ultimately, “Below the Line” reactions diminish trust in relationships.

‘Above the Line’ responses are the antithesis of their ‘Below the Line’ counterparts: rather than denial - there is an openness that leads to a full awareness of the issue being presented. The key aspect of ‘Above the Line’ thinking and behaviour is the recipient taking responsibility and ownership for resolving the problem rather than blaming others, or getting defensive in some way.

When we are dealing with a problem that requires our ownership in order to see a resolution to that problem, (in other words, it is our problem), we need first to become aware of the problem. The leap from ‘awareness of the issue’ to ‘ownership of the issue’ is a significant one and tends to require that people use the stepping stones of ‘acknowledgement’ and ‘acceptance’ - acknowledging that there is a real issue to be responded to, and accepting that ownership will be the key factor in change. Naturally it’s not enough simply to verbally take responsibility, we need to walk the talk and come up with an active solution or response that will at least cause the issue to diminish in intensity, if not resolve completely. This kind of response builds trust in relationships.

Reading Between (and Above) the Lines

Many years ago, I was working in a business in which I had a friendship with the senior manager in charge of key accounts. An internal email was circulated concerning a meeting that several us needed to attend regarding a certain client. I was managing a team at the time and in classic, playful Glen Sharkey fashion I sent a ‘reply all’ email that included humorous comments to a fellow manager. The senior manager became concerned about my humorous comment given that I seemed to have overlooked that the original email included the external client being copied in. I received a voicemail message in which the senior manager expressed her concern at the inappropriateness of my humour given that the external client had been copied in.

I had to work hard in this situation against feeling defensive. It was a mistake after all. But I recognised my ‘below the line’ reaction immediately and worked hard to counter it. I acknowledged that the Senior Manager had a genuine issue, accepted her perspective, and ultimately took as much ownership for resolving the issue as I possibly could. I phoned her back as soon as possible and accepted that there was room in my communication to be more professional than I had been. I then offered to email all the staff concerned and apologise for my flippancy and said I was also happy to apologise to the staff face-to-face when we came together for our meeting.

When I talk about this scenario in my training I ask participants: “What do you think my senior manager’s response was?” More often than not someone will volunteer the answer; “She told you not to worry about it”, which is exactly what happened. Despite my manager being perturbed by my email ‘reply to all’, because I so quickly and clearly accepted responsibility for the issue she felt no further course of action was required.

Here’s the fascinating aspect of this story: the manager’s concern was that I had copied in the external client when I hit ‘reply all’, and this client would then have read my humorous ‘in-house’ comments. However, I hadn’t copied in the eternal client at all! When I hit the ‘reply all’ button, I deleted his address from the email so that it ultimately was only sent internally. So why didn’t I stick up for myself and tell my senior account manager that there was really nothing to worry about at all, and she had no grounds for being concerned? Because rather than having an unconsidered reaction, I stopped and thought to myself; “This seems like a strong reaction given the circumstances – so what might be going on here between the lines?” I concluded that the manager had probably had a concern about the professionalism of my communication for some time, and that this email to (apparently) an external client had tipped the scales for her and caused her to voice her unease. I believe the actual issue was my tone of communication in general, and when I responded to that and took ownership for it, she was more than happy for me not to have to do anything further because I’d acknowledged, accepted, and taken responsibility for her core issue. This ultimately put her at ease and her concerns rapidly diminished. She felt heard and acknowledged regarding a real issue in her own mind. It was really about her, rather than the client, so it still required a response from me. ‘Below the Line’ reactions would have impaired our relationship, but because I chose to respond ‘Above the Line’, her trust in me increased through this episode.

Ironically, in being prepared to accept her influence about my manner, and acknowledging her perspective, I gained a greater ability to influence her and our relationship continued in a stronger fashion. Influence is mutual. When we accept the influence of others trust is created which opens the door for others to accept our influence.