The Influence Trap: How Fear of Judgment Holds You Back (and What to Do About It)

I don’t have a single client who isn’t rearranging the deck chairs at least once a year in some way. Org charts and responsibilities change often, and we wonder if the “reorgs” will ever stop. (Hint: After twenty-five years of doing this, I think the answer is no.)

The art of influencing continues to be a key skill needed not only by leaders but by any team members trying to get good work done in a matrixed organization.?

We’re told we need to collaborate more: “Run this by your key stakeholders” and “use data strategically.” It all makes sense. We can learn the key skills to influence, but the psychological blocks are real and often the reason we don’t act on the skills we learn to influence.

There are a variety of psychological blocks we can experience when trying to influence someone or a group at work. I’ve explained the top five below and how they show up:

Fear of Judgment

Fearing criticism, looking incompetent, or being perceived as unworthy of respect by peers or higher-ups. This often stems from a deep need for external validation and a concern about how others see you.

How It shows up:

• Holding back in meetings, even when you have valuable insights.
• Over-editing emails or presentations to avoid potential scrutiny.
• Hesitating to challenge or push back on senior leaders’ ideas.
• Constantly second-guessing how others might interpret your words or actions.
• Seeking approval or consensus before making decisions, even when unnecessary.

Imposter Syndrome

Feeling like you don’t belong, you aren’t qualified, or others will “find out” you’re not as competent as they think.

How it shows up:

• ?Second-guessing your ideas and qualifications.
• Holding back from speaking up or leading initiatives.
• Overcompensating with excessive preparation or perfectionism.

Fear of Conflict

Avoiding difficult conversations or pushback due to discomfort with confrontation.

How it shows up:

• ?Not challenging ideas you disagree with.
• Over apologizing or softening your stance excessively.
• Letting decisions happen without your input to keep the peace.

Overreliance on Authority or Formal Power

Thinking influence comes only from having an official title, authority, or a direct mandate (usually from an authority), so you name-drop a senior leader to let others know that someone higher than you is asking for this.

How it shows up:

• Feeling powerless when working with people outside your chain of command.
• Waiting for permission instead of taking initiative.
• Underestimating the power of relationships and informal networks.

Fear of Rejection or Criticism

Letting fear of negative feedback, pushback, or rejection dictate your behavior/decisions, and avoiding your inner critic.

How it shows up:

• ?Feeling defensive or taking things personally when your ideas are challenged.
• Avoiding situations where you might hear no.
• Letting past rejections discourage future attempts.

There’s so much to say about all of these, but let’s explore the biggest block:??

Fear of Judgment – This fear can lead to self-censorship, playing it too safe, and ultimately missing opportunities that lead and influence. Overcoming it requires shifting your focus from external validation to the impact of your contributions and embracing the reality that judgment is inevitable—but growth comes from taking action anyway.

In almost all of my work, I can’t think of a single situation where a reframe or exploration of the mindset or thinking pattern isn’t required. Our thoughts create a reality for us. If the thought is based on a fear (I’ll look stupid, I’ll be judged, my brand will be tarnished, etc.), then all the possible actions and behavior we come up with will be about those thoughts.??

Ultimately, because our brains are wired for negativity bias, we’re always looking for potential harm or danger. The brain scans constantly for danger, and our thoughts create a story about it. Without conscious awareness, our actions do everything to avoid the fear and keep us safe.??

But if we never challenge the thought, or at least try to reframe it, we’re running on one narrative and only one narrative. It doesn’t dismiss any past bad experiences where you have real data that fuels the fear. But moment to moment, we need to question the thoughts that are preventing us from bringing our best selves and convincing us to play it smaller.

Learn how to move from proving to contributing to influencing with five helpful strategies and practices in my free resource.