Influence Tips Restaurants—Building Connections One Table at a Time

Many years ago, I was in Nashville and stopped at a Friday’s for dinner. The bartender, Ryan, wasn’t just good at his job—he was memorable. What made Ryan stand out? It wasn’t just his efficiency at his job; it was how he made me feel like a VIP.

From the moment I sat down, Ryan introduced himself, asked my name, and used it consistently throughout the evening. “How’s your meal, Brian?” “Would you like another beer, Brian?” “What brings you to Nashville, Brian?” By the time I finished dinner, I felt like I was chatting with an old friend. Needless to say, Ryan earned an extra generous tip.

Ryan tapped into the?principle of liking: people enjoy doing business with those they like. And liking often starts with connection. Ryan’s small gestures—learning my name, using it, and showing genuine interest—turned a simple meal into a memorable experience.

Here’s the thing: creating these connections doesn’t require grand gestures. It’s often the little things that matter most. Using a customer’s name (a time tested Dale Carnegie tip), offering a sincere compliment, or finding common ground (like a shared hometown or interest) can make guests feel valued.

I’ve seen servers excel at this. One told a couple, “You two seem like you’re celebrating something special—what’s the occasion?” Another spotted a child coloring and said, “That’s a great picture! Are you an artist?” These moments are small, but they leave lasting impressions.

The?principle of liking?goes hand-in-hand with authenticity. It’s not about forcing a connection—it’s about being genuinely interested in your guests. When customers feel like you care, they’re more likely to enjoy their experience, tip generously, and return.

But let’s take it a step further. Great servers don’t just connect with customers—they build rapport. Compliments are one way to do this, but finding shared experiences is even better. If a server notices a guest wearing a sports team logo, it’s a perfect opportunity to connect. “Are you a Steelers fan? I caught that game last night—it was a nail-biter!”

This approach benefits more than just the server. Happy customers are more likely to leave glowing reviews, recommend the restaurant to friends, and become loyal patrons.

Action Step: Train your staff to focus on building personal connections. Role-play scenarios where they practice using customers’ names, asking thoughtful questions, and finding shared interests. These small changes can have a big impact on both tips and customer satisfaction.

Not in the Restaurant Business? What’s your go-to strategy for connecting with clients? I’d love to hear your tips and stories—share them in the comments below!

Originally posted 8/22/11, Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply Influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 650,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!