Influence: The Emotional Intelligence Competency We All Want More Of

Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.

-John C. Maxwell

In 2012 Ismail Samad and his partners opened The Gleanery , a fine dining establishment aimed at tackling one of the most pervasive issues in the farm to table movement: the fact that healthy, local food is exponentially more available to middle and upper class communities.?

A social entrepreneur, enterprise developer, and expert on closed-loop food systems, Samad wanted to make five-star meals out of “would-be-compost.”

His thinking: Eliminate food waste to put more money into the hands of farmers and drive down the cost of overproduction that gets passed on to consumers. The result would mean more fresh food for people in lower income brackets.?

“The goal of The Gleanery was to create a fine dining restaurant that convinced diners to play a role in addressing this fundamental issue of abundance,” said Ismail in when we spoke. “By leveraging purchasing power to decrease the amount of food waste, you're basically working towards closing the gap in access.”?

But getting The Gleanery off the ground would require more than a kitchen and a staff. It would require a major shift in consumer mindset.?

His core question—”Would you eat trash?”—challenged diners’ ideas about what was worth paying for.??

“When we first launched the restaurant, we clearly needed to get the buy-in,” says Ismail, “because people were like, ‘Oh my God, that's garbage, right? That's seconds!’”

To be successful in his endeavor, Ismail would need to Influence.?

One of five relationship management competencies in Daniel Goleman’s framework of Emotional Intelligence, Influence is the ability to have a positive impact on others in order to gain their support.?

When we are strong in this competency, we:

• Can persuade and convince others in order to build buy-in
• Develop strong, trusting, and mutually beneficial relationships?
• Identify and positively engage our most important stakeholders?
• Understand the values, emotions, and preferences of our audience
• Educate and inspire through clear communication and the use of stories

Done well, Influence draws on a variety of other EI competencies: the Self-Awareness and Emotional Balance to manage ourselves; the Empathy to understand the perspectives, feelings and viewpoints of others; the Adaptability to change course; the Positive Outlook to connect and inspire; and the Organizational Awareness to know who in the system can help us forward our goal.

It’s been said a million times: leadership is the art of getting things done through other people.?

Influence is how we do that.?

Family, friends, community, our team: anywhere there are relationships built on trust is a potential sphere of influence.?

In this sense, we are all leaders.?

Trust Over Fame

In a culture of thought leaders, athletes, celebrity CEOs, and influencers of all types—many of whom pop up on social media, backing everything from brands to political campaigns—Influence has been tightly associated with status.?

Doubtlessly, the more popular a person it and the more privilege one possesses, the more sway they might have. But stripped of its cultural associations—and separate from the topic of audience size—Influence is simply the act of getting someone on board with your agenda. And to do this, there must be a relationship.?

This is why, in the helping professions, Influence is one the competencies that most determines outstanding performance. Think of a doctor. The better rapport you have with your provider, the more likely you are to follow their direction.

The better our interpersonal interactions and the more consistently we deliver mutual value, the greater our capacity to convince and persuade others becomes.?

This is particularly true in the absence of direct authority—in situations where people do not have the incentive or directive to embrace your plans or ideas.?

Before Ismail opened The Gleanery, he had already established strong relationships within his community. When asked how he engaged his stakeholders, Ismail says, “It started by being honest about what I want. Obviously, I was coming into the conversation with an ask and it felt important to acknowledge this. We’re humans and we want things, right?”

After stating his intentions, Ismail focused on what he knew about his audience, what they needed to know about the project, and where the value was for everyone involved.?

“I would say, ‘This is what I am looking at. I've thought about it. This is what it would mean for me and I think it would benefit you in this way. But I'm happy to hear from you—what am I missing?’”?

This interaction says a lot about how we can ethically and mindfully persuade others. Not only is Ismail transparent, but he has considered his audience and is open to feedback.?

In an article on earning respect as a leader, Jim Whitehurst, the former CEO of Red Hat, writes, “I found that being very open about the things I did not know actually had the opposite effect than I would have thought. It helped me build credibility.”?

Humility, authenticity, and consistency—those same qualities that build trust—strengthen our ability to Influence.?

This is why fame or formal titles don’t always matter—at least not when it comes to true, long-lasting idea adoption and mindset change.?

Empathy Matters Most

An internal study at Google found that managers who “express interest in and concern for team members’ success and personal well-being” outperform others on the quality and quantity of their work.

Positive Influence does just that: it shows respect, care, and consideration for others.

Samad employed these same traits of influence when he:

• Thought deeply about how his audience sees and understands the world
• Educated people on the broader issue
• Looked for values that connected his audience to his cause
• Articulated a purpose and clear plan??
• And solicited feedback in order to adjust course and ensure mutual understanding.?

Regardless of how passionate he felt about the issues, he managed to think first and foremost about the needs, wants, and desires of others. He showed curiosity and a willingness to better understand his audience.?

This is where Empathy , another Goleman EI competency, becomes a critical step in securing buy-in and building Influence.

It means abandoning assumptions that what matters to us must matter to everyone, and instead taking the time to really understand another person’s fears, hopes, and values.?

When it comes to Influence, intrinsic motivation—someone’s deepest reason for acting—matters immensely.?

This means looking beneath external rewards and getting at the heart of someone’s inner drive. In many ways, it means tapping into their deepest sense of purpose.?

When we are able to do this, we are not only showing empathy (and building those strong relationships as a result), but can engage our audience’s empathy in return.

This idea appears in Adam Smith's canonized 1759 work The Theory of Moral Sentiments where he wrote, “Generosity, humanity, kindness, compassion, mutual friendship and esteem… please the indifferent spectator upon almost every occasion. His sympathy with the person who feels those passions, exactly coincides with his concern for the person who is the object of them.”

This excerpt appears in a study showing that empathic concern is one of the strongest levers for collective action. The finding coincides with research that shows that when people are motivated by empathy to volunteer, they last far longer in the position than people with self-oriented motives such as enhancing their resume or feelings better about themselves.?

In Conclusion

Would you eat trash??

Short answer: If it was worth it.?

While parts of The Gleanery have changed over the years, the restaurant is still running. Meanwhile, Ismail has gone on to found Loiter: a strategic effort to build a future for East Clevelanders .

Along with Organizational Awareness , Positive Outlook and Empathy , Ismail continues to focus on the strength and quality of his network. Afterall, these are the relationships that position him to bolster a bigger agenda.?

When building trust with others—the kind of trust that positions you to Influence— ask yourself:?

• Do I consistently follow-through with my commitments?
• Do I fulfill my promises?
• Do I express care and concern for others?
• Are my interactions authentic, honest and sincere?

This is a starting point for gauging your ability to convince and persuade those around you.?

As with all of Emotional Intelligence, our effectiveness is rooted in how we, ourselves, show up.

EI is the inner, inter, and outer work of being an effective leader—one who knows themselves well, can manage their intense emotions, can build strong relationships, and can rally people around a purpose and unite them in building a better world.?

{To continue the conversation around Influence and Emotional Intelligence, follow me on Linkedin, Medium , or?sign up for my newsletter.? And be sure to check out Ismail Samad’s new project, Loiter: a strategic effort to build a future for East Clevelanders .}

You can read the follow up to this piece, here .

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