Influence Beyond Words: Why Real Trust and Understanding Build Long-Term Success

Intro: The Reality of Influence Isn’t in Quick Fixes

In a world that’s constantly pushing “three quick strategies” to success, I’m here to tell you: influence is not that simple. A recent article suggested, “to influence people, make three simple changes to how you talk.” After coaching top executives, decision-makers, and teams for several decades, I can tell you that real influence doesn’t fit into a checklist of tricks.

If you’re looking for “magic phrases” to climb the corporate ladder, you’re missing the deeper point of influence. It’s not about mastering persuasion with three catchy lines; it’s about building an authentic reputation, conveying competence, and becoming a trusted go-to leader.

Why Do Decision-Makers Really Choose One Person Over Another?

Why do decision-makers turn to some people over others? Is it the person who “speaks with authority” or the one who “leads with their bottom line”? Often, it’s neither. Decision-makers want people who genuinely understand the business context, align with shared goals, and deliver honest insights—not just persuasive talk.

I’ve coached top performers and seen firsthand that decision-makers don’t just look for persuasive speakers; they look for people who can connect, listen, and truly ‘get’ the broader mission. Influence isn’t only about making your voice heard; it’s about creating mutual alignment and understanding.

Seriously? Is this really how we want to frame influence in the workplace? Influence goes beyond persuasive language; it’s about building trust and understanding the values, goals, and challenges of others. Leaders want advisors who bring clarity, insight, and value. So, if you’re angling to influence, start by becoming someone whose insights consistently add value. Persuasive language comes second to demonstrated integrity and reliability.

The True Key to Influence: Building Trust, Not Persuading

Becoming persuasive doesn’t mean resorting to manipulation, mind games, or politicking. Let me be blunt: if you’re here for quick fixes or “mind games” to become more persuasive, you’re in the wrong place. Real influence isn’t about playing tricks or hacking your way into people’s minds. It’s about understanding the context, respecting others’ perspectives, and communicating with integrity.

The secret? There isn’t one. Influence is about showing up authentically, listening actively, and having the courage to put real skin in the game. If you’re willing to invest in understanding people and honing your skills with purpose, you’re on the right track.

Let’s reframe this: influence isn’t about tactics; it’s about building real trust. When you establish a reputation as insightful, trustworthy, and solutions-oriented, people naturally gravitate toward your viewpoint. Decision-makers want real insight, not a rehearsed pitch. When leaders feel that you understand the company’s challenges, market realities, and priorities, you’ve already won half the battle.

Rethinking Influence: Speak with Purpose, Not Tricks

Let’s get real about this “thoughtful professionals” thing. What does it even mean? How many of us could agree on a definition—or has this term become another corporate buzzword? “Leveraging perceptiveness strategically”? Big words can sound impressive, but they’re hollow without substance. As we say, “Big hat, no cattle.” And then there’s the idea that you need to “understand psychology” to influence others. Are we implying people are here to become armchair psychologists to manipulate their way to influence?

The reality is that genuine influence is about being honest, adding real value, and showing up with integrity. It’s about doing the work to know yourself, your field, and the people you’re working with. If you want to make an impact, start by developing skills that solve real problems and make a difference for others—that’s the real psychology behind influence.

Here’s a direct approach I often teach:

• Forget the Sound Bites: If you’re merely adjusting phrasing to “sound persuasive,” you’re losing authenticity. The most compelling communicators speak with purpose, grounded in what they know and believe. They don’t manipulate their word choice to appeal; they own their message and deliver it with clarity.
• Add Real Value, Don’t Just “Sell Solutions”: Don’t waste time with clever phrases to “get seen and heard.” Instead, focus on the needs of those you’re addressing. Listen to their real challenges, then speak to those issues with solutions that matter to them. Using methodologies like PSS, SPIN (Situation, Problem, Implication, Need), and collaborative selling approaches—positioning yourself as a collaborator, consultant, or trusted advisor—can dig into real issues and offer genuinely valuable solutions.
• “Sell your idea as a way to solve specific problems?” Let’s translate that into something actionable. It’s not about “mastering the art of translation” or trying to be overly clever. At its core, this is about active listening—understanding your audience’s world, their real issues, and speaking directly to them. Think Carl Rogers’ person-centered approach, where real connection comes from seeing the person in front of you, not just pitching to them. That’s how you make ideas land.
• Reframe Age-Old Tactics with New Depth: The “three tips” method oversimplifies influence into a script rather than a skill. Influence isn’t just about leading with conclusions or “selling solutions” to sound impactful. It’s about recognizing the depth of challenges, understanding team dynamics, and knowing how to position your expertise to address these deeper elements. Influence can’t be reduced to just three favorite strategies. Let’s be honest: if influencing others were as simple as a few go-to strategies, everyone would do it successfully. One-size-fits-all advice may work for quick tips, but real influence requires more than picking a trick from a list—a “one-trick pony” approach isn’t going to cut it.

Redefining Authority: Real Influence Isn’t About Words Alone

To influence, drop the empty fillers and vague promises. When senior leaders seek advice, they want clarity, strategic insight, and actionable value. They’re not interested in verbal shape-shifting or “power words.” They value confidence that’s rooted in experience and understanding.

True influence starts with knowing your audience, context, and unique contributions. Speak with directness and purpose, not to impress but to add value. If you’ve made a decision, say it with conviction: “We’re moving forward with…” or “I recommend…” Senior stakeholders don’t need a vocabulary showcase; they want clarity, impact, and alignment with their goals. When you communicate clearly and with purpose, it signals experience, focus, and credibility—no theatrics required.

• Let’s cut through the fluff. When it comes to speaking with authority, it’s not about power struggles or playing with word choice to sound impressive. Senior stakeholders are sharp—they’ll see right through any attempt to “shape-shift” your language. If anything, they’ll sense a lack of authenticity faster than you can say, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
• What actually works? Showing up with directness, substance, and clarity. It’s about owning your message. Drop the empty fillers like “I think” or “I’m trying to.” If you’ve made a decision, say it with conviction: “We’re moving forward with…” or “I recommend…” Lead with the facts, show your reasoning, and demonstrate that you’re bringing real insight, not just words.

The IWB Approach: Focus on Integrity, Context, and Lasting Impact

At Insights Without Borders, we believe influence is built on a foundation of integrity, value, and genuine connection. Our work supports leaders in developing these skills not through quick hacks but by fostering adaptability, insight, and self-awareness required for true leadership. If you’re interested in going beyond surface-level influence, reach out—we’d love to explore how we can support your leadership journey in a meaningful way.

Ready to Drive True Change? Influence isn’t a checklist; it’s a commitment to building trust and value.

Let’s talk about how we can help you transform your approach and make a lasting impact.