Indian Political League, 2019: If politics was cricket, who would be who?

One of the two Siamese obsessions of our nation, cricket, has slightly receded from our attention - the IPL is over, and the World Cup still a few weeks away from starting. The other IPL, the mega Indian Political League, is on top of our minds – even a day after the results have come.

Combining the twin obsessions is a delightful, yet risky business. The downside is it can displease the gods on both planes. The upside, some pleasure for you, gentle reader. So here it goes - if leaders were cricketers, who is most likely who?

Narendra Modi - M S Dhoni: There is little doubt who is the Thalaivaa or big boss of the Indian Political League, just as there is no doubt who is the reigning king of the cricketing world. He brings to his side an extraordinary edge, and more often than not, helps his team win. His is the strategy, the tactics, the finish, and even more significantly, the presence. It matters little who else is on the team – it is this one man, the leader, above all else. Always cool. Delivers when it matters most, and against unlikely odds. Steps up the game by standing up to bat for his team, and wins, again and again.

Rahul Gandhi - Virat Kohli: There is now little doubt about who the prime challenger is. Temperamental, high energy, bustling with a desire to change it all. But the emotional over-charge means he makes mistakes. He can’t harness the team resources very well. But neither his ability nor his eventual glory are in doubt. Issue is when? Does his leadership in this current season have the power to win the cup, or at this time around, maybe, just the swagger will be the performance.

Amit Shah - David Warner: Firstly a team man. Willing to bat on any pitch with the same motive – score high, give your captain and team that chance to win. His absence could mean a winning team looks like a dud. Does not give up, persistent, and will push on each delivery, each run. Meticulous, machine!

Priyanka Gandhi - Martin Guptill: Extraordinary promise but little performance, or impact. Possibly waited for too long to enter the game. Just a few glimpses of the exceptional possibility was actually seen in this season. Maybe next time.

Mamata Banerjee - Andre Russel: There are players for whom strategies, tactics and questions of execution matter. And then there are those who just come and bat in a way that everything else looks irrelevant. Didi can hit it out of the park and change the outcome of the game in a few overs like few others. Master blaster who single-handedly makes her team win, and how. Watch out for that formidable strike rate.

K Chandrasekhara Rao (KCR) - Rashid Khan: When the bowler from the Hyderabad team spins a bowl, it stays unplayable. With his great spirit to win everything, and all-round abilities with bat and bowl, KCR plays for big stakes and can pull it off. Often missed because the focus is on other players, he knows how to bring back the limelight where it belongs, to the regional parties, to the south, and keep it there.

Mayawati - Chris Gayle: There are players and then there are players. It is a clean binary here; 100 or zero. Six or out. When their hits and strikes come good, everybody is reduced to nothing. When not in form, can look terrible. But that does not mean changing the approach much, just change the bat. And how good will it be this time?

Akhilesh Yadav - K L Rahul: Young. Perfect technique and talent. Great application. Flexible and adaptable to the pitch and condition. Focus is high. And the future is his. Will his gambit work? Without being sure of numbers, looks like it. He can’t be kept away from the big game for long, not given his core calling.

Sharad Pawar - Harbhajan Singh: He has had a great past as one of the greatest spinners ever. But just when you start writing him off for age, as being past his prime, comes a magical delivery that the best, and young, and those in form, cannot play. A naturally competitive player, who comes in prime focus for the big game. One of the best India has ever produced, is it his swan song, or is there a glorious last chapter to be written yet?

Sitaram Yechury - Yusuf Pathan: Quite frankly, no one knows why he is still around. Batting produces nothing. No good on the field. The only expectation is that he better stay away in the best interest of his own team. High time to retire.

Kamal Haasan - Sanjay Manjrekar: He is not playing, but is still there. And makes lots of noise. A big part of it is irritating. But what to do – we can’t get rid of him and we will hear a lot more from him.

N Chandrababu Naidu - AB de Villiers: On his day, he could hit anything, score anywhere, anyhow, and win everything. But seems past his prime to make an impact. But you would be risking too much to dismiss him lightly. Such players are just one moment away from turning it all around, and take away the game.

Rajnath Singh - Rohit Sharma: No nonsense at large. Though you don’t get that feeling a lot of time, he is the man for the biggest crown and wants it, but it does not show. Form and class debates go on, but no challenge is too big for him. Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

M K Stalin – Shreyas Iyer: Understated and classy. Reliable. Perfect technique, and has this great spirit, a wonderfully strong character and an exemplar of sportsmanship, in short, a winner with finesse. He waited for his time, and it has come, now. Principled and it shows. Expect greater things.

H D Kumaraswamy - Ambati Rayudu: Despite having everything, sometimes, you may miss the bus. Left behind to watch the show on TV back home, with or without 3D viewing glasses. A bit sad, but the show must go on.

Navin Patnaik - Dinesh Karthik: What grit! How much can a person be underrated, written-off and yet come back and win without a fuss? A silent champion who can stun the biggest names. He is multi-talented, never found wanting in temperament, or making the effort. At the fag-end of the career, we hope a great ending is due.

Capt Amrinder Singh - Shane Watson: Takes his time, of late, to get going. But once the show begins, all else take a bow. Can win the big game for his team all alone. There is no stopping him once the flow starts. Will he come close to delivering and fully take his team past the line?

Digvijay Singh - Ravindra Jadeja: A mighty spirited man with many talents. Can bat, field and spin it. Win the game or lose it, but won’t be found shying away from a challenge. Controversial. With a great many victories, and defeats behind, is a historic win and a new chapter ahead?

Sachin Pilot - Hardik Pandya: Big hitter. Champion and match winner. Too eager to be everything all at once. The eagerness is understandable, the zeal to win and lead is admirable. The impatience can be a bit of his undoing too, but for how long can you keep a champ down?

Omar Abdullah - Jofra Archer: Plays a few matches and is headed straight for the biggest scene. If Archer heads to the English team, Omar wishes to be in the centre of the biggest stage and play a big role, with nothing more than a few tweets and comments. But those few points he made were formidable. Can be a force with great impact with little effort. That is the secret.

Derek O Brien - Imran Tahir: Saw the flight, the spin. Felt that energy of celebrations surge and spread from across the pitch to the entire audience and to the TV audiences. Master performer. High energy. And delivers. Just that, by nature of his role, there is just so much scope of what he can do.

Navjot Singh Sidhu - Ravichandran Ashwin: Great positive people who have a lot to offer, but the only thing we might remember them for this season might be controversy rather than performance.

Nitin Gadhkari - Shikhar Dhawan: Only on occasional celebration gives out the swagger. Else, it is all quiet performance. Rarely fails. Keeps the mood calm and the scene quiet; and takes his team closer to a win, while batting or fielding. Always ready for a bit extra. Watch out for that extra.

Uddhav Thackeray - Lasith Malinga: You know that feeling when you don’t know what to make of him. He still feels so illegitimate in his action, but he is not. He is known for his lethal yorker, but actually gets most wickets with his slower one. He is a match winner. He is still the hardest to sort out in his backyard. And he will continue to swing it both ways, of his own choosing, on his own terms.

Dr Subramanian Swamy - Jasprit Bumrah: The hardest bowler in the circuit to play. You know he is fast, accurate, and deadly; but there is little you can do when he is coming at you. He can be a sweet natured person one minute, but when the ball is in his hand, all bets are off. And everyone is afraid.

Prakash Raj - Parthiv Patel: He is an inalienable part of the system. He tries hard, he is sincere and committed. His achievement is his valour, his effort. But, however, hard he may try, the ball lands in the 30-yard circle rather than over the boundary. The same shot, he must rue, when other big boys hit, travels a longer journey. That is his destiny, his tragedy. But we need to have such ‘try-ers’ to appreciate the champions more.

Jyotiraditya Scindia - Kagiso Rabada: Spot on. No one, not even the BJP during the 2014 Modi wave, could sort him out. His strike rate is phenomenal. He is not yet seen as a match winner, possibly because he had not yet had his due opportunity, or the right team, or context. But even all alone, he is lethal and effective.

Sam Pitroda - Amit Mishra: Some will tell you he is a great bowler. Some statistics will be reeled off of his past contributions. But right now, an error, or fury, or mistake of one heated moment and a controversy that is overblown is all we remember. And all we will recall long after they are never seen around in the game.

Aatishi Marlene – Bhuvneshwar Kumar: Most liked and admired player on the circuit. Can’t find anyone having any dislike or issue with the person. Solid statistics, and formidable performances, though may end up on the losing side for no fault of his or her own.

Raj Thackeray - Kieron Pollard: The big guy from Mumbai who knows how to enthral the audiences in the last few overs. His presence and shots have created enough ripples in the game, even those not supporting his team seem to be in ecstasy as he does everything amazingly. Making a point with each shot is equally important.

Y S Jaganmohan Reddy - Rishabh Pant: The newest kid on the block. Just getting started and how hard he hits. Reputations and past performance of the big boys opposing him mean little to him. He is a man on a mission and will destroy anything that comes his way. Single-handedly. And he is enjoying it.

Mani Shankar Aiyyar - Lalith Modi: He is so out, and since so long, but just a mention of his name creates ripples, controversies and everyone is hiding. More so those on his side. More deaths reported in this war from friendly fires. Followed by apologies. Gives the opposition more advantage. But that is him. He did start the fire.

Arvind Kejriwal - Aamir Khan: I am guilty here of breaking my own rules, but something about the subject inspired a bit of a rebellion. And sparks some imagination. But moving from cricket to Bollywood is okay, in India, they are almost the same thing. Cricket is, as a famous wit once said, Bollywood drama on the field. In his imagination, Kejriwal has scored like Aamir Khan, who is the only cricketer in reel to his a six of the last ball twice: in Awwal Number and Lagaan. In his imagination, I suspect, Kejriwal has defeated Modi in Varanasi. But in reality, might be a total non-factor. With zero MPs out 543, still such media attention, as only an Aamir can garner from the stands as an audience of a world cup cricket final.

Kanhaiya Kumar - Ranveer Singh: Gully Boy. More than anyone in cricket, found it apt to bring in a parallel comparison from Bollywood, the third major national obsession. Iska time aayega.

Milind Murli Deora - Ishan Kishan: Don’t need to know much about them. Enough that they are backed by Mukesh Ambani.

Shashi Tharoor - Steve Smith: The selection was natural. The swagger, the style, and the unconventional approach. Has fans from across all teams. Gets the audiences raving just for his flow. Worth watching a match for his few shots. A class act!

Election Commissioner - Third Umpire: Every time an issue is brought up for the extra special gaze of the final judge, both sides get tense. Some judgements have been right, some rulings wrong. But can’t have the game without them. Just that we expect some more consistency and greater accuracy and lesser down time in response.

Journalist - 12th man who brings gloves, bats: They have almost no role in the game, but every time the game must pause briefly, as they rush with a bat or a pair of gloves to hand it over to the batsman. And offer a bit of unsolicited advise. They do think they are making a big contribution, but everyone else knows they matter little.

Political Analyst - guy who wears hideous masks, paints himself and cheers from the audience: These people constantly find limelight because of their attire, their commitment, and their consistent outlandishness. They think they are famous, as famous as the heroes they are backing. But alas, while most of us may recognise their face, we know little about them. And care even lesser.

Biased TV Anchors - WAGs: The wives and girlfriends is a powerful phenomenon in all sports, but there is little doubt on who they are supporting, or why. They may have little direct role in the game but their presence is constantly felt on the screen, and they are praying and backing just one side, completely oblivious to the virtues of the other side. But gives hard core fans lots more to cheer about.

Citizens - Fans: No matter how many accusations come about how the game is fixed, they don’t lose faith and come back to back it. They believe they are important to the game, which is true, but they are also sadly the victims of many a thing that is not right. Yet they are there. And which is why all this takes place, and is possible. Yet, it seems a distant ideal that they will get the respect they deserve.