Independent Women Pt 2

I talk to women about money. I ask questions that maybe others are too polite to. Why am I so interested? It is not about figures or amounts. I am interested in the person, their goals and their life and their relationships, their upbringing, the psychology behind their behaviour when dealing with their money. I am interested in politics and how that impacts, I am interested in economics and inequalities. I am interested in the philosophy of discipline and habits of ego.

Women’s unpaid contribution in the form of caring and housework is worth a wage of over ￡30,000 per year per person. If we included their knowledge work at the pay grade of the workers of google and X there would be another zero on the end of that, at least. The mental load is crippling. And yet women not just mothers are supposed to work as if they have no family commitments and bring up their family as if they don’t have to work. Society is structured as such, and women have flexed to accommodate. It is hard work shoring up the patriarchy. Sometimes we get resentful, and our good humour evaporates. (Read Revolting Women by Dr Lucy Ryan )

This week I have had conversations with women who have lived with men who have bullied and coerced them financially. This comes in many forms; taking their wages, not letting them work, making them work harder, making sure they can’t go out with their friends, making them sign things or signing for debt without their knowledge in their name are a few. The number of women who suffer from financial abuse by a male partner is unrecorded because it runs under the radar. Personal finance is personal, and shame plays a massive part in keeping any abuse alive. I meet women with children who live with unsuitable partners because they cannot afford to rent alone. I meet women who have absolutely no idea what their money is doing because their husband looks after the finances. ‘I am no good with money’ I hear a lot. Who has told them that? are their husbands any better or do they just believe they are? ?There is no media that tells women to enjoy and grow their money, to learn the rules of investing to value themselves and their contribution. Only magazines and social media and TV that tells us to spend it. We are not good enough. Women, you must pay for a place in the society in which you live. This hair colour, that shoe, that filler. It is relentless. The psychographics of marketing. They have found our weak spot and its our sense of self-worth. We are too tired to resist. It’s only money! ?

If you are late 40s or 50s we have watched our mothers make ends meet (or not in my case) and defer to their husbands when it comes to the big purchases as they were working, bringing home the bacon, (honestly the biggest lie ever believed was that staying at home and bringing up the next generation, caring, is not working. Anyone ever met a baby, a toddler, a teenager, a relative with dementia? It is EFFORT, relentless, so tiring). Asking permission to spend some of the money for the household on necessities. We live what we know and have seen. These beliefs are hard to discard. Bring them out into the light become aware and then throw them away. They are not fit for purpose.

What happens when you are left, widowed, divorced or abandoned penniless and you must step up? What happens to the children if you have taken your eye off the financial ball and its now a mountain of compounding debt? You are vulnerable and who is going to swoop in and save you? Not the government, not your son in law! You must do it yourself. Don’t rely on anyone else to do it. Make it into a game. Whether it is paying off debt which has accrued without your knowledge or building a retirement fund doing something you love. Building enough self-worth and confidence you can reject a rubbishy job on crap pay just because it fits around the children. Refuse to be beaten down by all the benefit systems that does not bend, get creative. It is up to you in the end. You can’t do it alone though, you need a community of women that talk about money in an open and honest manner.

So how can I help? It is another tale of woe but this one has a happy ending. I educate and empower about all things finance, not just the figures. I encourage and coach you to a happier and more adventurous life. I run free evenings and webinars but also run exciting and innovative programmes for women and for teenagers. I am driven to ensure the next generation can survive an ever-changing economy and to give people choice and freedom. I am building a community and want you to join me.

Julia is running a 6 week Money Grows with Trees Coaching group starting 4 November. Coming to a woodland near you.

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