The Incredible Power of "No"

This is one that has been ricocheting around in my head for some time, and it is about time it got it out and onto "paper"--so to speak.

Think about the last time you walked into a retail store—yes, that may have been over a year ago, but bear with me here. You walk through the front door, and you know you’re there to buy one, single item. You barely break the archway of the front door and your stomach drops. There they are, every shopper's worst enemy, the overly-eager, uniformed store greeter. What’s worse? You accidentally made eye contact while trying to grab your phone and pretend it was ringing.

“Oh, hello!” They say. “Welcome to [insert store here]! Can I help you fi—”

”NO!” You say, shocked by the unexpected volume of your prepared response. “I’m fine,” and you push by them before they even finish their thought.

We’ve all been there, it's the truest form of the current human condition. We don’t want to come across as inept, or not knowledgeable, and in need of help. We also can’t fathom the idea of human-to-human interaction.

Thanks, Bezos.

The scary reality, however, for those of us in P2P sales is that this phenomenon isn't new.

"Two-thirds of the customers we surveyed told us that three to five years ago, they primarily used the phone for service interactions," said Matt Dixon and Lara Ponomareff, of the Harvard Business Review (HBR). "Today, less than a third do, and the number is shrinking fast." Those aren't good numbers, and they aren't recent either. That was the trend in 2010. Yes, the year of our Lord, two-thousand-and-ten. Imagine how small the fraction is 11 years later.

Now, let's hit the switch from Macro- to Micro perspective.

By trade, I am a life insurance agent. Please don't run away. I promise this isn't a sales pitch, it's a genuine Op-Ed.

"...because of today's preference towards isolationism and our need to come off as more confident and knowledgeable, we are doing ourselves a serious disservice--at least insofar as life insurance is concerned." 

Still here? Good.

The fact that people in my field even have to qualify that along with our job title says a lot about where we fall in people's hierarchy of whom they'd least want to be trapped with on a deserted island. The truth is though, that I love what I do, and I genuinely love being able to help people and make a difference in their lives. That is when they let me.

Now, I could sit here and spend the time espousing all the great details about why you should get life insurance--or, if you're already insured, more life insurance--but that isn't my point. My point is that because of today's preference towards isolationism and our need to come off as more confident and knowledgeable, we are doing ourselves a serious disservice--at least insofar as life insurance is concerned.

According to an April 2021 study performed by the Life Insurance and Market Research Association (now, LIMRA), "there are 102 million uninsured and underinsured Americans who believe they need to buy life insurance or to increase their coverage. (emphasis added)"  102 million people--or, for the sake of perspective, around "40% of the adult population"--in the United States alone who either have no insurance or are aware that the insurance they have is insufficient to properly protect their loved ones in the event that something should happen to them, eliminating their income-earning potential.

Now, 36% of those same people self-affirmed that they plan to make the necessary purchase within the next twelve months, but that still leaves a staggering 65,280,000 people who don't. These are the people who, when agents like me reach out, are often the fastest to say "Not interested," assuming that they respond or contact us back at all.

The word "No" is so final, so powerful and intimidating, that in many cases newer agents, like me (in insurance and other sales fields) may be discouraged to contact these people back. The irony is that these are the people who most need us to take the power out of that word, and employ a higher degree of understanding.

So what can you do?

First, we need to understand the reasons behind the "no". Sticking with insurance, as it's what I know, LIMRA noted, "this year’s Barometer report reveals more than half of Americans overestimate the cost of insurance by as much as three-fold...Forty-four percent of Millennials estimate that the annual cost of 20-year term life insurance for a healthy 30-year-old at over $1,000 when it’s closer to $165 per year."

And the cost is just one part of a larger lack of information on the whole. "...many of the reasons consumers give for not getting coverage point to a lack of knowledge about the basics of life insurance," LIMRA states. "According to this year’s study, less than a third of consumers said they were “very” or “extremely” knowledgeable about life insurance."

So if we take a wide-angle view here, what you might begin to notice is that, perhaps, a "No" we get is less an obstinance to who we are and what we do, and more an automated security system being deployed.

If that's the case, how do we hack the brain's neuro-security system?

While I can't promise this is a "slam dunk" tactic, what I have found especially useful is the idea of education over the bottom line. What I mean is that when I approach a potential client, my goal is very rarely to get them to meet with me to buy anything. I want to simply educate them on the world of life insurance in a way that isn't loathsome or dry. In the end, even if they learn why they need insurance but choose not to buy, that is still a win.

According to LIMRA, "...men (35%) are more likely to believe the coverage they receive through the workplace is sufficient than women (22%)." In a perfect world, that would be true, but, "...the median life insurance coverage offered at the workplace is either a flat sum of $20,000 or one year’s salary. More than half of U.S. households rely on dual incomes (54%) and for many, losing one income could be devastating to the household. The latest Insurance Barometer study reveals that 42% of families would face financial hardship within six months, and a quarter would suffer financially within a month."

Yet another valuable opportunity to educate away the "no." See what I am getting at here?

Now, of course, this is still a two-way street. All the well-intentioned education in the world is not enough to take all the power out of the word "no" in business transactions. Yet still is the need for consumers to be willing to be more open-minded.

Shane Snow, author of Dream Teams: Working Together Without Falling Apart, wrote for the HBR in 2018 that, "for decades academics have argued in circles about the definition of open-mindedness, and what might make a person become less or more open-minded, in part because there’s been no reliable way to measure these things."

As a result, philosophers from all over the world "started playing with a concept from religion called 'intellectual humility.'" No, I'm not about to start proselytizing in any way--but it is worth noting that, "Intellectual humility...is the virtue that sits between...the willingness to change [and] the wisdom to know when you shouldn’t."

There is also a second factor that needs to be taken into account by consumers, and that is their general "openness". "If openness to experience means you’re willing to try pickle-flavored ice cream," says Snow, "intellectual humility means you’re willing to admit you like it, even if you initially thought you wouldn’t."

There are plenty of assessment tools out there for people to try and figure out where their general openness and intellectual humility scores fall. However, it is unrealistic to submit every consumer we encounter to a thorough psychological assessment prior to interacting (though I imagine a good number of you reading this are asking "Why?").

So, and I hate to say it myself, no, there is no easy answer on how to take power out of the word "no" in P2P business transactions. My hope, however, is that after reading this and maybe even sharing it within your own networks, it can open a larger dialogue that brings you closer with your target markets, and the ability to help them in ways that weren't originally willing to consider.