Incredible Hulk

 “You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes” - Walter M. Schirra

Recently I spent a week in Mumbai, something I chose to do after 13 years. It is not as if I frequented the place before this in the years gone by.

Honestly, I do not recall more than two trips within the last 30 years, not because of any arduous circumstances, but only because I chose not to recall the painful memories that haunt me with the loss of a sibling three decades ago during our family vacation in India.

It is perplexing that my emotional yet honest reasons for not going back are something that commoners, relatives or opinionated people did not understand. Therefore, I was obliged to come up with commonly used reasons that easily got accepted ranging from inundated work, busy travel schedules and rejected annual leave (lol).

But then what do you do if you have aging parents, who chose to live in their hometown after retirement, and who probably find it as difficult as the lifetime pilgrimage when they have to make the journey abroad. Having visiting us in Dubai each year and spending a month in the comfort of our home, I always dreaded the ride back to the airport when I saw them off. I knew that as they grew a year older, this journey would become increasingly difficult for them, and then I would have to take a leap of faith and go back to visit them. Something that I did now.

The journey was not easy nor comfortable; neither was living there for a week considering that living in Dubai has spoilt us for choice. But then that small house was so big, because it had so much warmth and love.

During my stay, I came across a unique man for the first time, a man I had known all my life - My Father. Confusing as it sounds, I say this because I saw a different version of him. Now do not get me wrong, I am not referring to meeting an older version of me. What I mean is that the version that I saw was new to me. Not because he had changed or he had grown fragile, but because I never looked this closely.

As always, we did not speak much. But I sat around him. We had meals together. We walked to the mart occasionally. We did groceries together. I held his hand while crossing the road. Everything that we did four decades ago. The only difference was that the roles were reversed.

Distant Past

I grew up in humble beginnings and am often reminded of my own father, who worked so hard to just make ends meet. Yet his face always beamed with a warm smile for he knew things could be worse. Sometimes, there would not be enough food at dinner for everyone and he would say, “My friend took me out for lunch again and we had the best meal of paratha (Indian flatbread), butter chicken and tea”, and with a joke or two would not touch the food.

Being young, I was so envious of “his friend” who was so compassionate and generous to take my dad out to the best places in the city for lunch. No matter how much I tried, my father always had an excuse about why “his friend” was too busy to come over to meet our family.

It was years later I found out that “his friend”, did not exist. It was just a figment of his imagination that would give him a solid excuse to bail out and let his children sleep with a full tummy, while he would go to bed hungry, yet happy that he had provided enough for his family for that day. That to me is real heroic behavior. The world does not know, but I do.

He is my Super Hero. An unsung hero, but a hero nevertheless.

Superheroes

Do they exist or are they a figment of a child’s exemplary imagination? Now I am not just talking about someone flying through the clouds at the speed of light or crumbling mountains with a single powered punch. I am talking about superheroes in real life. The ordinary people who make extraordinary differences in our life. The storytellers who make even the darkest of times seem like a cakewalk. The calming voice that whispers, “It is going to be alright” and in a moment perks, your spirts. Who are these real life superheroes in our life? And do we appreciate them for being there?

According to Merriam Webster, a hero is “a person admired for achievements and noble qualities”. An acceptable definition but something is missing here. He is not always admired or even known about and yet could be a hero. He could be admired by some and loathed by others, yet he courageously battles ahead. It comes to a subjective realization of what that term really means.

Do you need to have a movie made on your life or books written about you or be the front cover of a Hollywood movie tabloid to hail as one? Do you need to have a million fans following you on social media to knight and validate you like one?

My favorite definition? It is by Christopher Reeve, better known as Superman we saw growing up in the 80’s. “A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles”.

The emphasis? Being an ordinary individual. The best version of an ordinary individual. One who goes through life knowing he has weaknesses, doubts, and fears and does not know all the answers. He knows he does not know, yet proceeds and overcomes what comes his way. That to me is courage in the face of the storms of life. That to me are the real heroes who prefer to remain obscure and might pass on with life without ever being known for their silent courage.

Yet we are so quick to judge and categorize others through ignorance. What do we know what they have gone through? What do we know what good they do when others are not looking? Each face you encounter has a history and a genuine story behind it. Each smile, frown, wrinkle, and eyes shine the true valor that people show daily. Yet we miss it or prefer not to delve deep. It is so easy to judge and put a title on each one. Of course. We know better.

Often we bring up our mothers in conversations and associate the compassion and empathy that is instilled in us to them. We even associate the success that we attain to our mothers. Why not, they deserve every acknowledgment that can be there for the immense sacrifices that they make to make us who we are.

But do we even speak about or remember the daily struggles such as the father who continues to work long hours, so his children can go to bed with a full tummy?

In a world putting too much pressure on us to be who we are not, here is a gentle nudge to stop, breathe and take a moment to reflect. So here is a short checklist of being a superhero. They usually have the same characteristics and that is not surprising to me.

1.    Continue as a shadow. Check

It is nice to work for glory and recognition, but it is a completely different ballgame if a person does that with his head down and not have a single expectation of appreciation. They literally just continue to work in the dark and their whole life may go by, without a soul recognizing their kind acts. Yet they keep moving and keep doing. We might take them for granted, yet that does not deter them. They just continue as a shadow in the dark, away from the limelight of glory.

2.    At peace with not knowing all the answers. Check.

The usual superhero has all the answers. For me, he is one who is at peace with not knowing all the answers. It is not an ego battle but a battle of wits to get through the day. They all have fears, anxiety, worries and mixed feelings about the next step to take. Yet one thing sets them apart from the rest. They are at peace and they exude that to others. They make sure that nobody takes their burden for it is theirs to bear. They simply take responsibility for their lives and with blind faith charge ahead. They might not know where the next meal or paycheck is coming from, yet it does not matter. They just know they have to do the right thing and patiently, continue.

3.    Appreciating the small differences. Check.

I read somewhere that the most thankless job is the job of being a parent. They are met with continuous battles of exhaustion, discouragement, negativity, and disappointments. Yet children take it as their right for parents to be understanding and gushing with love for all they do. When it is time to leave the nest, they do and then life gets too busy so they have little time to “check in” on their life givers. Of course, yet I think being a parent is the best job for your own awakening. The hero rising within. Despite daily battles, these beings are normal ordinary people who make it a choice to not chase gratitude but to chase making a difference. No matter how small.

4.    The positive force in the negative battlefield. Check.

The daily superhero battles negativity and failures everyday. He might not even be appreciated at home for all he does. He may be challenged with obstacles, but they know they are giving life to something bigger than themselves. They are protecting their loved ones and do not mind what life throws their way. They simply smile within and patiently move from obstacle to obstacle. They find pride in providing security and stability and that is what gives them the fuel to keep moving against the trials of the day.

5.    Stable strength no matter the odds. Check

There is an attraction about being humble in challenging times but even more so in good times. I think the daily heroes are the ones whose depth and vision never sways with the money in their bank accounts. They are a silent powerful force who leave people better than they were before. Their strength and endurance in tough times and their humility and wisdom in good times is a force to reckon with. They are ordinary stable beings who are essential to keep this world rotating on the axis of plain goodness. 

While writing this, I am only thinking of one person, who to me is the embodiment of these characteristics and much more. The world does not know him, but to me he is my world. It is my father and he is the reason for who I am today. I am so glad it was no one else but him.

The following words penned by Karen K Boyer in “Silent, Strong Dad” literally sums up what fathers are to us, and what mine is to me.

Silent, Strong Dad

He never looks for praises.

He's never one to boast.

He just goes on quietly working

For those he loves the most.

His dreams are seldom spoken.

His wants are very few,

And most of the time his worries

Will go unspoken, too.

He's there...a firm foundation

Through all our storms of life,

A sturdy hand to hold onto

In times of stress and strife.

A true friend we can turn to

When times are good or bad.

One of our greatest blessings,

The man that we call Dad

Take a moment and reflect. You do not have to go very far to see who has made a difference in your life. These everyday ordinary heroes reside all around us. We just need to stop seeing and start looking. Small things make such a difference. Only the courageous and people at peace can give such unconditional support. Even to strangers. A smile, a kind word, a shoulder to cry on, the gentle cajoling to keep your train of life from derailing, a wise advice or even a simple compliment.

So take some time and appreciate the ones who did help you get to where you are today. Think of how you can continue the difference they made in your life. They were there when you needed them the most. They stood by you and shielded you so to not let the pains of the world hurt you. But don't stop just there. You could too, be the hero in someone’s life and keep this world turning, passing on this age-old secret to others.

Till date, I have written my blogs for people, to inspire them, motivate and make them better than what they were a day before and impact people’s lives in the tiniest of ways. I like to believe that I have at least touched one and made difference to a few. However, I write this blog for myself.

I have not written a blog for the most of 2 months. That is because I decided the next one would be a tribute to my Dad. However, it took me so long, because I did not know where to start and how to pen words that would do justice to this petite yet towering figure in my life.

A man who sacrificed so much to get me where I am today. I know he will not read this blog and I may never express my love to him openly. Therefore, I write this for myself and for all the readers and my followers to relate to their own story and take a step closer to your dad, and if you are already close then take a step further.

I am fortunate that he is around. I am fortunate I could spend some time with him. I do not dread going back anymore. I will forever be indebted to him. My Incredible Hulk.