The Incomplete Truth of Authentic Living

Dr Helen Street

We know that authenticity is good for our mental health, but are we mistaking authentic living in 2024 with something more akin to self-disillusionment and social destruction?

Recent times have seen marked increases in harsh, unfiltered criticism on social media; upsetting at best, cancelling at worst. I am so affronted by this complete breakdown of respectful boundaries between people with opposing views, that I have recently deleted X/Twitter from my phone.? In our attempt to support our own right to free speech, it seems we have never been so keen to stop the free speech of others.

There has also been a notable increase in deeply personal stories and anecdotes appearing on many public platforms, in articles and even in books. These often leave me concerned for the ongoing wellbeing of the authors. I can’t help but wonder if uncensored sharing of our challenging ‘lived’ experiences is always a good thing, especially if we have not fully processed and dealt with those experiences ourselves. I propose that sharing our innermost thoughts publicly, and repeatedly, can lead us dangerously close to drowning in over-exposure, or caught in a groundhog day of our own narrative.

Don’t get me wrong, I also believe that sharing our genuine opinions, stories and anecdotes can be invaluable ways to explore meaning, illustrate points and build connections. ?Still, it appears that we are confusing a desire for authentic living with a determination to share all, harshly judge others and lay ourselves open to public rebuke.

So, if it is not healthy for anyone’s wellbeing, to criticize too vehemently, or declare our own thoughts too fully, what does it really mean to live more authentically? Moreover, how can we be authentic for ourselves, while also respecting the authentic feelings and experiences of others?? Authenticity is a word we hear frequently in conversations about wellbeing, resilience and living a full life.? We are encouraged to live an ‘authentic life’, to find the courage required to be authentic.

Simply put, being authentic is about being genuine, which means expressing ourselves in a way that is ‘genuinely’ in tune with the things that matter most to us. It is about living in a way that supports our understanding of who we are as unique beings.? This definition, while arguably a bit abstract or even vague, seems pretty straight forward. It appears that, above all else, all we need to do to be authentic ?is to ‘be ourselves’. Yet, ‘being ourselves’ is not necessarily an easy thing to know how to do. As social beings we are all caught with the constant challenge of knowing where the boundary lies between the version of ourselves that is central to our identity as an individual, and the many versions of ourselves that are manufactured through social influence.?

It can be really hard to be in tune with what really matters to us. Are our values actually our values, or are they simply the values of a collective moment in time? How do we know if the things that we think matter are the things that really matter, or if they are simply the things we have been persuaded to contemplate and consider?? It is hard, if not impossible to separate our individual voice from the social voices of the world around us.?

Actor Pamela Anderson has recently been heralded as being more authentic because she has chosen to go out in public without makeup, when she previously presented herself in a highly manicured way.? Yet, she is only being more authentic if her lack of eyeshadow is her choice ?in line with her values. For example, if being make-up free reflects Pamela wanting to embrace a more natural appearance, then yes, it may well be a sign of increased authenticity. Yet, it could also be a PR move suggested by someone else. A move made to help Pamela gain more credibility as a ‘serious’ public figure. As such, despite a lack of make-up being more revealing of an authentic physical appearance, it is not a necessarily representative of her living more authentically overall.

It is important that we do not mistake increased exposure or a more untainted presentation of ourselves with ‘being’ more authentic.? Rather ‘being authentic’ means being in charge of our own narrative, which means doing things because they resonate and reflect who we are in any given moment. This might mean wearing false eye lases and a tub of foundation as much as it might mean going to a Paris fashion show 'au-naturel'.

The most important driver of authenticity is not about any particular way of thinking or behaving, rather it is about thinking and behaving in a way that resonates with how we understand ourselves, our needs and our place in the world.? Here in lies the challenge. If we want to be authentic, we need to know who we are. We need to take time to understand our deepest values, what matters most to us, and how we want to present to the world.? This means taking time to sit quietly with ourselves, and to listen.?

You may also find it helpful to consider your day-to-day choices in terms of your ‘wants’ and ‘needs’, versus all the things that you think you ‘should’ do, ‘must’ do or ‘would’ do.? As psychologist Albert Ellis found, ‘would-should-must thinking’, is a tell-tale sign of living according to others’ expectations, rather than our own.

With the above in mind, it is also important that we don’t confuse authenticity with an unfiltered public presentation of our past experiences or of our inner-most thoughts and ideas. Being authentic does not necessarily mean telling all.? For some, sharing stories can be a genuine and positive experience; however, others may ?wish to keep their thoughts more private. Both options are fine. What is important is that we each choose options that work best to meet our own unique needs day-to-day, while also being respectful of the needs of others.? If we want to, or even need to express an opinion, idea or anecdote in public, then lets make sure we do this mindfully, with care and respect for those who might read or hear us. We also need to be aware that others may well want to express their opinions back, and their opinions might not always support our own. This is really about learning to be assertive, supporting our own voice while also respecting the voices of others in a very crowded world. As with all things, context matters.

If we can embrace authentic living with respect for ourselves, our limits and our genuine needs; while also respecting the rights of others to be authentic too, then not only can we enhance our wellbeing, we can be more resilient when adversity strikes.

The following is a brief extract from my ‘soon to be released’ (with great excitement) new book ‘The Impossible Question of Living Well’. A book that is certainly my most authentic work yet. Filled with my own personal anecdotes as well as my professional ideas and some philosophical thoughts. I hope it helps you to live your best authentic life, while also supporting others to live theirs.

“Living authentically is about both being and doing. It is about making connections with our world in a way that is congruent with our inner voice and deepest values. It is about engaging and being passionate about being curious. It is about feeling alive.

When adversity and trauma come knocking, our ability to live authentically ensures we can still have a sense of who we are, even as we acknowledge our fractured identity, take time to heal and move through our grief.?

Living authentically can be painful and risky at times, but it is the only path to long-term resilience and being a whole being.”

The Impossible Question of Living Well by Dr Helen Street, launching May 2024 (Wise Solutions, Australia)