Inclusion and Psychological Safety - The First Elephant in The Room
Glenn Bracey
Transformative Coach. Facilitator. Co-Founder of Future Vision. Designer. Embodied & Ai Integration
A lot has already been written about psychological safety. Some organisations have stepped forward to meet the challenge. Many haven’t.
My interest, shared in this mini-series focuses upon the less obvious roots that block our species from embodying the acceptance we are all capable of applying, as a felt reality.
We start with the first ‘’Elephant in the Room’. That left unresolved, prevents us from feeling safe not just at work but in our communities and across the inclusion landscape. That reverberates through the UK’s recent race riots, other world conflicts and current genocides.
As with most metaphoric elephants, it’s right in front of our eyes but if we can’t fully see it, it propels us to try to fix the issues from the outside in and not a starting point from the inside out.
As a useful frame before we begin, here’s a definition of Psych Safety you may like. “Psychological safety is primarily focused on an individual's subjective experience of safety, comfort and confidence within a specific context, whether it is a physical space, an environment, a situation or when interacting with people” (Battye)
Elephant 1. Unconscious Division
It’s not easy to resolve inclusion unless we start with division. Not the division that we see out there, on the news or in the examples we witness. But the unconscious division in our own shadow. The shadow that Jung spoke about, refers to the unconscious parts of our personality that contain traits, desires, behaviours and unhealed emotions -That we tend to suppress or remain unconscious of.
Each human personality has many parts that influence a wide range of behaviours including reactions that don’t serve us.? You might know them as the judge, the critic, the perfectionist, the planner, the controller, the rescuer, the joker, the loner, the winner, the survivor and many more.
Our parts are usually formed during childhood to help keep us safe, especially when we feel vulnerable and helpless.
When these parts remain unconscious as adults, they divide us and our ability to be naturally curious, compassionate and fully accepting, especially when we encounter the unknown and the appearance of difference. Parts surreptitiously shape our thoughts and actions in ways that can harm us and our relationships. Unseen parts drive division. They can make it harder for us to fully accept others (and ourselves).? For example, let’s say that…
As a child, I often felt inferior because my busy parents didn't have time for me. When I sought their attention, they frequently dismissed me, which left me feeling unwanted, inadequate and helpless.? Because these feelings are difficult to handle (as children we don’t have a full set of emotional regulation tools) a part step forward to protect me and it manifested as pretend confidence/superiority.
Unconsciously, I carried this into adulthood, where it shows through as a need to be right. With the tendency to dominate group and 1-2-1 conversations. In which I could be overbearing and imbalanced in sensitive discussions with outward inferences and behaviours that subtly exclude others. That would surface if it threatened that part of me that needed to be fully seen and seen as competent.
An unconscious division in my shadow that is the root of the division I embody and bring to the external world.? And yet, such is the unconscious grip of our divided parts, as an adult I see myself as inclusive to others and happily say to myself things like…
Often this inner language acts as a cover for some of the divided parts I am unconscious of and preserves a positive self-image. An image that all dominating parts are quick to maintain.?
This is just one of countless examples of the unconscious division of self that goes unnoticed in human behaviour. As this is one of two major parts of the root of division that blocks inclusion, the question then becomes, how quickly do I need to see this in myself?
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The harsh truth is, that all human beings who haven’t done some form of shadow/parts work will unconsciously operate out of a divided self. A divided self often has competing parts and priorities and as a result, will struggle to be fully inclusive.
A part that must ‘achieve’, easily pushes past, judges and excludes others because reaching their goal is the priority of that part.? It’s not that the part orchestrating this is completely oblivious to its overbearing tendencies but it is operating out of a survival strategy that it originally learned decades before as a safety mechanism.
Our divided parts show up everywhere, every day. They could appear in a situation as simple as hurrying by and ignoring someone who is looking for change even though they gave us full eye contact and a smile and we don’t return these gestures as we might to someone else. If left unconscious, a part will easily drive events, as IT demotes this unknown person as someone insufficient to be worthy of a return smile.
This happens in a nanosecond and blocks aspects such as empathy, openness and equality. While another part inside (also formed in childhood) may then step forward to avoid uncomfortable feelings of guilt for ignoring the smile and positive eye contact. This could be the part that we might term the justifier or rationaliser.
One of the challenges with parts such as the justifier or rationaliser is they easily lead to the development of stereotypes as ways to rationalise why certain actions were "necessary" or "deserved."? These are played out in our everyday behaviours and are a major force in the divisions we see worldwide through to the current genocides we and our Politicians are allowing.
Once we are aware of our divided self it’s far easier to recognise which parts struggle with inclusivity, in certain situations and re-balance them.
Shadow or parts work is relatively simple to go through but when did your organisation last offer it?
You may have noticed in the shadow examples that the parts of ourselves formed in childhood manifest because they are attempts to feel safe in vulnerable situations where we feel helpless. Our struggles to be fully inclusive as adults stem from childhood experiences where we ourselves didn’t feel safe.
You might also see the irony within the phrase ‘psychological safety’.? To help others feel safe, we have to feel safe. With unencountered parts, we can’t feel safe.
Can you see the elephant in the room?
This leads us to set up the second elephant in the room in the next article, which is the unseen, unacknowledged and unheld sensations, feelings and emotions that are the fuel that drives all our parts. Once we realise parts are created as a way to keep us safe from sensations, feelings and emotions that we don’t know how to handle, we can relieve them of their duties and their unconscious divisive reactions.
All human behaviours are attempts to feel good. Even the divisive and abhorrent ones. Parts manifest to help us not feel something we don’t know how to handle and implement shortcuts to feel safe or better. Even when these shortcuts repeatedly fail, don’t serve us, harm others or become outdated in adulthood.
In the next article, I will share more about this emotional root and once again leave you to determine how this plays out within yourself, first and foremost.? When we recognise the parts that divide us and the feelings and emotions they suppress, avoid and distract us from, we have the two essential steps to operate as a whole and the unconscious division we embody in the world dissolves.
Until then :)