The inappropriate and unexplained

The inappropriate and unexplained

"Pass me a biscuit" is what I remember hearing. He should have qualified it.

Oh, she did. At chest level, full wind up and pitch. It laid a grease stain on the shirt I later wore for my high school graduation picture because the photog didn't care for my Grateful Dead tee.

Too much of a response? Yes, it was. Have you ever seen/heard that happen? A simple innocent request or question is answered with intensity and inappropriateness that was beyond the request?



Really!?


is exactly how we react. We don't respond, and the image above is what is going on a lot of the time. Crying, anger, rage; it doesn't matter. What matters is the back story - the stress, trauma, triggers, worries - and at the time, the brain is best off just embracing the heart silently. Holding space is what it's called. You might hear more than you need or want to, but stay with the issue - the need to be heard and held without judgement. Holding may just be a hand on the back of the upper arm briefly. Or a hug. Just validate. That is the need of the moment. Not solving the current "minor inconvenience;" the biscuit response.

I've replayed that dinner moment in my head many times. Imagining my sister holding my mom, and her crying and lamenting my Dad's issues that effected her. His closed heart, his whatever whatever whatever. Yea, i wasn't close to either as you might surmise. Disclosure might create awkwardness, and still the need of the moment hasn't changed.

The biggest problem here? The past trauma. And both my parents had their own, and didn't know it. The biscuit moment was a rupture I don't imagine was ever repaired fully.

If you've ever had a biscuit moment, you know that embarrassing feeling of over reaction, and everyone looking at you like you have 8 disgusting heads. And the ensuing shame of looking and feeling like you're out of control. I've known that feeling.

Healing that trauma created inside me the emotional and cognitive resilience and capacity to be able to handle the minor inconvenience. We can all live that way. The tool to do that already is inside each of us. Imagine then how much better we would be together in dealing with something like a Hurricane Helene.

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