Improve Self Efficacy

Today I want to talk to you about something that has been popping up in different areas of my life that I am certain you have run into as well. And that is helping people solve their own problems.

Often, I will have my clients or family members come to me with their problems and they expect me to solve them. The problems range from professional challenges to things going on in their personal lives. One thing I’ve had to learn is to not give them all the answers all the time. Now, if you know me, you’ll know this is a hard thing for me to do. I love helping people. I love saving people. I like to jump in and offer solutions - that’s why I do what I do.?

But what I have found is that they get more out of solving problems on their own. They not only solve the original problem but also are better equipped to handle the next situation that pops up. It’s that whole “teach a man to fish” scenario.

So today I’m going to share my simple 3 step process with you in the hopes that it will help you as a leader in dealing with other people.?

1. Affirmative Statement

When someone comes to me with a problem, I always respond with an affirming statement. The statement always begins with two words: “I believe”, “I know”, or “I trust”.

• ?I believe you have the answers to figure this out. I believe that you have the skill set to overcome that.?
• I know you’re going to be able to figure it out.?
• I trust that you will find a way to make this work.

2. Strategic Questioning

Next, I ask them what they plan to do about it. I’ve found that most of the time when someone comes to me with a problem they have already given thought to it. Often what they need most is a sounding board for their own ideas to solve the problem.?

• What do you think you’re next step will be?
• What are the options that you’ve already come up with?

3. Ownership Transfer

I’ll be honest with you, this last statement is the toughest part of the whole process. This is where you make sure ownership of the problem stays with the person who has the problem.?In other words, you have to maintain distance while showing support:

- "Keep me updated on your progress."

- "I'm interested in learning which solution you implement."

- Let me know how that works out for you.

I don’t offer feedback on the solutions they gave in response to my question. I don’t make suggestions or corrections. I simply let them know I care about them and the outcome.?The more you spoon-feed them, the less they will grow and the less strength they will have. It’s important for them to realize you are not the only resource available to them. By using this process you are empowering them to take care of themselves and have control over their life. What a gift!

I hope this helps!

Dino