Improve relationships with loved ones

Communications between partners can become fraught, dysfunctional and at best irritating, leaving us feeling dread whenever we're about to interact for fear of wasted time and finding ourselves conflicted with one another.

Relationship fallout's can happen for a range of reasons; however, they are generally caused by communication issues where we’re not being present in our conversations with each other.

Being more mindful of our thoughts and behaviours can make quite a difference to the way we interact with each other and whether we have a complementary or a crossed way of communicating with each other.

When we are interacting sympathetically to each other i.e., what we say, what we receive, and what we expect to receive are all aligned, we will have a happy and enjoyable i.e., complementary, conversation with each other.

Let’s say one partner promised to be back home for dinner at a certain time but instead lost track of the time and stayed at work later than expected without notifying the other partner who was preparing the meal.

A complementary transaction might go like…

Partner 1: “I expected you home for dinner tonight as we agreed this morning, what happened?”

Partner 2: “I’m sorry, I lost complete track of time; I’ll need to set an alarm on my phone in future as a reminder so I don’t forget our arrangement”

Here Person 1 is curious, non-blaming and not criticising. They are staying open minded and being willing to give person 2 time and the benefit of the doubt for not keeping to their agreements.

Person 2 is aware their actions are not acceptable and willing to take responsibility to change things so it doesn’t happen again in future.

So, the transaction is all good and they work together to understand the problem and find a better solution in future.?

A crossed transaction may be something like:

“You promised me you would be home for dinner and I expected you by 5pm. I’ve had mine so don’t expect me stay around while you warm yours up!”

Here Person 1 is closed, blaming and criticising. They are not staying open minded and being willing to give person 2 time to provide an explanation of their lateness or to be able to rectify the situation for the future.

Person 2 never got an opportunity to respond and provide an explanation of what happened so this leaves bad feelings between them, both feeling hurt and not listened to.?

When we receive a complementary interaction, we feel respected, listened to, cared for, and interested in. Our conversation could flow for hours (if we let it) with no upset, frustration, walking off or making demands/threats.

Negative interactions take a toll on our relationships. Studies show that we need 5 positive interactions to make up for every negative interaction we have with someone close to us.

Want to learn more about how you can increase the rate of your positive interactions with someone close to you? Schedule a brief call to to learn more:

https://calendly.com/karenbartle/communication-performance-enhancement-coaching