Improve communication with family...

 
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In This Issue:
     Quotes of the Week
     Improve Communication with Your Family
     Bookmark - What the CEO Really Wants from You
     Inspirational Words
     Spiritual Centre
     Story Time
     Time to Smile
     Feedback
 
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"Change Gears" eZine is a no-cost electronic newsletter dedicated to helping people be more effective and fulfilled--to be masters of change instead of victims of change. What follows are tips, strategies, quotes, resources and shortcuts to getting more done in less time and having fun in the process--to living a more productive and fulfilling life. We're always on the lookout for information to help you live and work more effectively.
 
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Quotes of the Week

"We are not creatures of circumstance; we are creators of circumstance." - Benjamin Disraeli

"You have all the reason in the world to achieve your grandest dreams. Imagination plus innovation equals realization." - Denis Waitley

"Never borrow sorrow from tomorrow." - Helen Steiner Rice

"Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles." - Samuel Smiles

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Improve Communication with Your Family
by George Harris

Communication is one of the most important aspects of our lives that, ironically, many of us pay the least attention to. Regretfully, the main reason is that many of us have never been taught how to communicate in a way that benefits us and the person we are communicating with.

From the moment we wake up in the morning until we go to bed, we are communicating, first with family, then with coworkers, neighbors, friends, and so on.

We communicate either verbally, through our spoken words, or nonverbally, through eye contact, body language, and touch as well as through our thoughts, feelings, and passions. It has been estimated that only about 20 percent of our communication is verbal, and the rest is nonverbal. It is important, then, to pay attention to all the nonverbal clues we express to people as they speak more than the words we say.

For example, most people can remember when they were children and ìthe look? their parents gave them that expressed much more than words would.

Imagine if our communication with our spouses was clearer so that we knew how to express our feelings and ask for what we wantedóand we were heard. What if we, as parents, communicated from a place of personal power inside ourselves, expecting our children to listen and cooperate without having to yell?

Through verbal and nonverbal communication we let people know who we are, what we want, and how we feel. Therefore communication is one of the necessary building blocks for creating a solid and successful family environment.

Here are four steps that will enhance communication with your family.

1. Expressing Our Wants and Feelings:

We all have wants and feelings. Once upon a time, in our youth, it was all right for us to want, and more so, it was even necessary for us to want. But many of us had parents who told us no, we could not join the big kids in the street, we could not ask for money or play with a certain thing, and that we asked too many questions. So ìno, you donít want that? became the mantra of our lives.

How many times did we hear statements such as these: ìdonít argue with me?; ìif you want to cry, Iíll give you something to cry about?; and so many others that taught us to stuff our feelings and shut up. No wonder we have a hard time expressing ourselves.

This transfers into our adulthood to our spouses and children. When we do not get what we want, we tend to blame and attack others, causing upset and a belief that relationships are hard. In order to improve our ability to communicate and therefore improve our relationship with our family, we need to understand and release any emotions like anger and resentment and the belief that we are going to upset someone by stating our wants. It is when we release these that we can express our current wants and feelings, and we can then hear the wants and feelings of our spouses and children.

2. Making Others Right:

Any time we make negative comments to people about something they are doing or about a feeling or thought they have, we are making them wrong for who they are. This is called projection: the tendency to unconsciously place onto others our own undesirable ideas and impulses.

How can you tell if you are projecting? The easiest way to know is if you are judging. How many times do you judge your spouse or your children for actions they take or feelings they have? No one wants to be ignored, accused, or made wrong. Think of someone right now that you have done this to. What was his or her reaction?

When we project, we think they are undeserving of our love or caring. Truly, the place to start letting go of judgments is within ourselves. The more we release our own judgments about ourselves, the less we project them onto our family members. We can then make them right and see them as important, having value, and being okay for who they are because we have seen that about ourselves.

3. Listening:

What does listening have to do with communication? Why is listening so important? Listening allows us to get information, to learn about someone, and to understand anotherís feelings.

Research has shown that people are listening only 25 percent of the time and that they make up the rest of what they think they hear. Therefore the nonlistener does not learn what there is to know, and the relationship becomes a classic lose-lose situation.

There are many reasons why we do not hear what other people are saying. Some of them include talking too much, being too consumed with our own opinions, thinking we know a lot more about something than the person talking and planning our remarks and actions before the other person finishes.

A good listener gives his or her undivided attention, asks questions without interrupting, does not judge until comprehension is complete, sees things from all points of view, and, especially, exercises the mind.

4. Having Agreements Instead of Expectations:

Since we have not learned positive ways to communicate due to holding back our feelings and not asking for what we want, we end up having expectations of others. We feel as if they can read our minds and know what we want without having to express it.

Expectation is defined as ìa prospect of future benefit.? Because of this desire for a future benefit, we habitually deprive or withhold something desirable from ourselves for some outward goal or the love of someone in our lives. This is referred to as Sacrifice. For example, you think, ìI will do this certain thing for my spouse, and when I do, she or he will love me more for it.? Another example is thinking ìI will pick up my childís toys, and he or she will learn from that and then pick up his or her own toys.?

We also have expectations of ourselves based on what we think others want of us, and they become shoulds; examples are ìI should be a better parent? or ìI should be happy around my spouse all the time.?

Because of fears we carry within ourselves about relationships and asking for what we want, we hold these expectations as a desire or a hope, wanting them to come true. We then sacrifice ourselves with these expectations, depriving ourselves of our wants. We become angry and disappointed when they do not come true and then feel guilty for having expressed the anger. In reality, we are angry with ourselves for not speaking up and asking for we want and need.

To resolve this, we need to observe when we run our lives by shoulds or expectations and instead then communicate to others our desires and make agreements with each family member. Successful family relationships depend on how well we communicate. By using these tools, you will learn how to listen and communicate with each other. You will empower yourself and your family members. And you will create more joy, love, and peace in the family household.

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Bookmark - What the CEO Really Wants from You
Author: R. Gopalakrishnan
Price: Rs.237/-

The title of the book What The CEO Really Wants From You is often a haunting question in the mind of a manager. It is a task for every manager to be in the good books of his/her boss and he finally ends up in vain trying all means to gain his/her partnership throughout his life. However, only a few like the author of this book who has gained immense practical knowledge in his professional journey, can tell you what it takes to become a good manager and earn praises from your direct boss.

This book is a good guide for professionals, as it teaches behavioral standards for the beginners as well as those who are waiting for a big break to the higher posts. The author in this book puts forward his precious experiences that he has gained after a great deal of struggle for forty five years in some of the most challenging jobs. Beautifully presented with a concept of 4 A's namely Accomplishment, Advocacy, Affability and Authenticity, the author tries to teach the reader what his professional life has taught him in a much simpler way.

This book is a compelling read on leadership. It provides some of the best tips to the managers to cope with the ever changing business environment and helps them with ideas to climb the ladder of success. What The CEO Really Wants From You was published by Harper India in the year 2012. This edition is available in hardcover.

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Inspirational Words

"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want in the moment.: - Bertrand Russell

"A trustworthy person does not betray you, but you consider the betrayer to be trustworthy." - Ali al-Rida

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result." - Mahatma Gandhi

"Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality." - Ralph Marston

"Live simple, love well, and take time to smell the flowers along the way." - Mark Twain

"Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth." - Swami Vivekananda

"Victory comes only to those prepared to make it, and take it." - Thomas Leo Clancy Jr.

"Almost everything: all external expectations, all pride all fear of embarrassment or failure. These things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose." - Steve Jobs

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Spiritual Centre - Guilt

"Guilt is the heaviest of all the samskaras that we carry. It is like lead and it bothers us so much."

(C) Shri. Kamlesh D. Patel - President, Shri Ram Chandra Mission - https://www.sahajmarg.org

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Story Time - A Timeless Gift

Shopping  for  a  Christmas  gift  can  be  the  most  nerve wracking event of the year. Shopping for my  wife can be a special challenge. Vacuum cleaners are too impersonal, football tickets are too impractical, and kitchen gadgets are downright impossible. I was at a loss, with Christmas fast approaching. In desperation, I asked my secretary Sally, to help me pick out a present.

We walked side by side in a fast?paced walk, two blocks to the jewelry store. Working in the downtown business district had its advantages; being close to a lot of shopping places was one of them. However, there were disadvantages as well. On the way, our path crossed a couple of homeless men, huddled together by a vent from one of the nearby buildings. I started to cross the street to avoid them, but traffic was too thick. Just before we approached, I switched sides with Sally to keep them from confronting her. They were surely going to beg for money, pretending to buy food, but any donation would surely end up as beer or wine. As we got closer, I could see that one was probably in his mid?thirties and the other was a boy of school ageóaround thirteen or fourteen. Both were dressed shabbily, the older with a too tight sport coat ripped at the sleeve, while the boy was without a coat at all, only a tattered shirt separating him from the blowing wind. A quarter or two and theyíll leave us alone, I thought. ìIíll handle this,? I said with my best male bravado.

But Sally seemed undisturbed by the sight of the two beggars. In fact, she seemed comfortable in their presence. Before they asked she offered. ìIs there anything I can do for you?? she directed her question to the two homeless men. I was in shock, waiting to pull Sally away from a dangerous situation, but she stood firm. The two men looked at her with surprise until the older one spoke up. ìYes, maíam. We do need something.?

Here it comesóthe hook, the gouge, I thought. The two pan handlers are looking for a handout, an easy mark. As I watched, I could tell the younger boy was shivering in the winter breeze, but what could I do? ìCould  you  tell  us  the  time??  asked  the  older  man.  Sally  glanced  at  her  watch  and  replied, ìTwelve?fifteen.? He nodded his thanks and didnít say another word. We continued on our way to the jewelry store, and I had to ask Sally about the encounter.

ìWhy did you ask if you could help that man?? ìHe was cold and in need, thatís why,? she replied in a matter?of?fact tone. ìBut heís a bum. He could have tried to rob you or something.? ìI take care of myself. But sometimes you have to take a chance on someone.?

We arrived at the jewelry store, and Sally quickly found the perfect gift for my wifeóa pair of diamond earrings. While she was there, she bought a manís watch, not an expensive one, but she was always thrifty. Probably a gift for her husband, I thought. As we walked back to our building, the two vagabonds were still hovering around the sidewalk grate. Once again, I tried to come between Sally and the two, but she wouldnít let me. To my surprise, when we got next to them, she pulled the watch out of the bag and handed it to the older man.

ìHere, Iím sure you know how to use it.? He was as shocked as I was. ìThank you, much obliged, maíam,? said, trying the watch on his wrist. As we walked away Sally had tears in her eyes, proud of what she had done. ìWhy on Earth did you do that?? Sally shrugged and said, ìGod has been so good to me, and I decided to do something good for him.? ìBut he didnít deserve it.?

ìEven  the  poor  want  something  special,  and  besides,  Godís  done  things  for  me  that  I  donít deserveóbut He did them anyway.? ìHeís probably going to buy beer with that watch.? Sally just smiled at me and said, ìWell, so what if he does? Thatís not my concern. I did something for good and thatís all that matters. What he does with the watch is his challenge.? We arrived back at our building and went into our separate offices. I wondered about the encounter, and I thought about the men. Surely they were at the pawnshop, getting ready for a hot line at Sallyís expense.

The next day I was going to lunch alone at a hamburger stand outside our building. As I walked down the street, I noticed the same two men that Sally and I had encountered. They were both still hovering
around the heater vent. The older man recognized me and said, ìExcuse me, sir. Could you give me the time?? Aha! I had caught him. Sallyís watch was nowhere to be found. Exactly what I thought.

ìWhere is the watch my secretary gave you yesterday?? I asked, hoping to stir his heart. He hung his head down and admitted his guilt. ìSir, Iím sorry but I had to do something.? It was then I noticed the new parka around the shoulders of his young companion. ìWouldnít you do something for one of your own??

Speechless, I handed him a quarter and continued on my way. As I walked, I started thinking about the incident. He had sold the watch all right, but he bought a coat, not beer, with the money. Sallyís act of kindness did have meaning. So did her words: The challenge was answered. As I arrived at the hamburger stand, I suddenly lost my appetite. I turned around and headed back to the office. The two men were still by the grate. I tapped the older man on the shoulder and he looked up at me, obviously freezing. I took my long, gray overcoat off and draped it over his shoulders without saying a word.

As I walked away I knew that my own challenge had been met. The few steps back to my office made my teeth chatter. But, you know... it was one of the warmest trips I have ever made in my life.

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Time to Smile - Life is Like That

Battery Charged...

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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