THE IMPOSTOR YOU CREATE AND THE ONE CREATED FOR YOU

You sit in a meeting room, on a Zoom call, in the lunch room, with a group of colleagues or senior leadership, yet something feels off. Suddenly your body starts to react against you: you stop making eye contact, your breathing deepens, your heart beats faster, you blush, you shake. You feel like an impostor in their presence. Is this a negative? Is this weakness? Is there something wrong? A big NO. It is a learning opportunity, a survival mechanism, evolutionary, grounding and humbling.?At some point or another, we all feel like we don’t belong, are not smart enough, are not working hard enough and, in turn, build an impostor within.

Now you find yourself in a similar setting, and again feel something is off. This time, however, it is not from within. You feel it in the tone, see it in the body language, hear it in the questions. You start to wonder why they are doing this. Is it something you said? Could it be related to your gender, race, age, or something as simple as the clothes you are wearing? You are being made to feel like an impostor. Is this intended? A big YES, regardless if they are aware of it or not.

You feel like you are drowning in both cases. One is rooted in our evolved human need to be accepted, the other is derived from others weaknesses. I have been there, having felt both the internal battles and the judging eyes, and know full well I will have to face both again. I have at times felt I don’t fit, am over my head, am not qualified. This is something I work on constantly. I am accepting of this impostor. In recent years, as I have ventured into the workforce and started to climb the career ladder, the other ugly side has reared its head. It is one thing to have internal self-doubt, its another thing to have others project doubt onto you. And let me tell you, no one has the right to make you feel like an impostor, its doesn’t belong in any part of your life.??

To manage my inner impostor, I think of the following to get me back on track:

• Always remember who you are, your wins and learning points, and that you are here because others noticed
• Feeling this way can be reframed as a yearning to learn more, trying new things, expanding who you are
• Take a step back and look at the bigger picture
• Don’t sweat the small stuff
• Making one mistake (or two or more) is okay
• Everyone feels this way
• It is okay not to know everything

To manage the unsolicited impostor, I use some of the following approaches:

• Remember that anyone who is trying to make you feel “less than”, like an “other”, outside the inner-circle, is in fact projecting their own insecurities – they’re telling you who they are
• Speak to colleagues for perspective and guidance
• Consult with your supervisor and mentors
• Take the ignorance, the anger, the pain their actions have caused and channel it into self-care
• Provide feedback to the individual or group – this is the hard part, this is what we need to do more of

Dealing with our inner-self impostor, that is on us. Routine self-care goes a long way. Reflecting on what’s truly important in one’s life is crucial. Realizing this is not a negative is key, and remembering you are where you are because you put in the effort and others noticed that effort.

To stop the culture of making our colleagues feel secondary is also on us. However, this goes hand-in-hand with the critical need to vocalize occurrences, by putting it out there. Refusing to accept it is the only way we can root this problem out.

?I leave you with this quote by Robert Louis Stevenson: “Everyday courage has few witnesses. But yours is no less noble because no drum beats for you and no crowds shout your name.” Remember, you are not an impostor, you are not lesser-than, you are you, and you belong. Embrace the internal impostor, and push back against the one imposed onto you. I look forward to engaging with you and hope to continue sharing my lived experiences.