Impostor Syndrome: The Girl, The City and The Dragon

In spring cleaning mode and came across an article I wrote three years ago but, somehow, finds me every March as #IWD appears into the horizon :)

I am dedicating this story to all the amazing WOMEN and MEN in doubt and to all those who have shaped me and allowed me to fully be who I am.

The Story

I grew up in a village, Giubega, a place where fond memories are still being born whenever I get the chance to visit and reconnect with the dusty streets, the yummiest home grown tomatoes, the wonderful sunsets and its authentic people. 

One rainy September day in 1991, with tears in my eyes like a reflection of the autumn weather, and a heart as small as a bird, I left my little universe. Face to face with the School Master from the city a feeling of “was I good enough?” entered my brain and pushed me to study like crazy. Good results followed quickly, but somehow, an inner voice would say: don’t be proud, you just got lucky. Five years later, University, a bigger city, in class of glamorous girls and guys. Failing the Macroeconomics exam in summer, my brain decided I wasn’t intelligent enough and channelled all the energy in volunteer activities. Until one day, when, a teacher who saw the spark in my eyes acknowledged my value. From that day onwards, there was only a B+ in a wonderful line of A’s.

In 2004 I started the entrepreneurial journey. We were accepted to give a presentation at one of the multinational companies in the capital city. Half way through the meeting, the HR lady asked me: “What titles have you got?” The little girl in me, being suddenly “uncovered” could hardly articulate: “None”. I was suddenly put back in my "small town league" but quickly decided a PhD was a good title and got it. Now, the diploma stays hidden in one folder like it never happened and like its value merely needs to be mentioned.

The journey went on and ten years ago today, I embarked on a plane that would take me to Singapore, the lion city. Starting from scratch again. In my crusade of building new relationships and finding new clients I found myself invited for lunch at a local club, where a fabulous lady ordered oysters. Now, don’t laugh! Ok? Me, the peasant, who rarely had oysters before, in front of a plate of oysters I had no idea how to eat… I choked. “What am I doing here?” a long forgotten voice said. “These ladies are so out of my league.” I, there and then, afraid of being rejected by the elite, did not allow my brain to show the result of its neuronal synapsis. There and then I failed but later on, with a huge amount of work and a lot of support from all those who could see me, I did build a healthy and sustainable business that keeps on growing organically and gives me so much joy.

The Learning

“It’s obvious", one may say. "The Dragon is the new territory!" "No, wait! It’s the schoolmaster. Or the lady...?”

NO, The Dragon is not from the outside. The Dragon is that little inner voice that made me feel like a phoney every time I stepped into totally new circumstances. Scholars call this Dragon Impostor Syndrome, Impostor Phenomenon or Impostor Experience and it actually describes high achieving individuals who are having a hard time internalizing their accomplishments and who are experiencing fear that others will “find out” they are a fraud. 

The concept was coined in late seventies by clinical psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes and it came as a result of observing that high achieving women tended to think they were not intelligent. 

Later on, the research brought more light concluding that about 70% of us, men and women, actually get “eaten” at least once in their lifetime by the Dragon. We work hard, sometimes to exhaustion, not to let others “uncover” our “secret”. We may be perfectionists, or doubt ourselves. We have a hard time accepting praise and may think that if we believe in our intelligence and abilities, others will reject us. 

But the 70% of us have one huge thing in common: we all share the League of High Achievers. We hold an incredible drive. We transform the worlds we live in. We get results, climb ladders, and bring ideas. And more than this, we touch the lives of others, who, by the simple fact of witnessing our journey get moved by the very force of an invisible ripple effect.

YES! We are all of the above and many more! 

And to gracefully continue our journey we need to step into that mindful place and:

Show compassion to ourselves, and allow ourselves to relax and recharge after all the hard work;

Surround ourselves with people who believe in us, call on the family, friends, colleagues, mentors, coaches, aunties, uncles and gatekeepers to be our army of guardian angels and cheer for each and every win and tell us it’s going to be alright when we are down and feeling we should give up;

Stop comparing with others, because our uniqueness, life story and direction can be valuable only when we compare “I to I”

And,

Start looking at how far we’ve come, acknowledge our achievements with humbleness, pride and celebrate them more often.

Who knows, tomorrow, one, ten, twenty years from now we will move to a different job level, a new organization, we’ll take that huge project or we might even step on the moon and, by the simple fact of being present to that little inner voice we will shift the game. Rather than being eaten, we will Embrace The Dragon and lead a wonderful and meaningful life. 

Today, 10 mythical years after landing in Asia, I proudly look back at the countless miles I’ve travelled since I’ve opened my wings that rainy September day.

Today, I invite you to Fly High, way out of your league, because leagues were invented just to put us down.

Wholeheartedly yours,

Irina

Grateful to be an eclectic and trustworthy sounding board for #SeniorExecutives and to be #CoachingMentors. If you, or your organisation, are looking for an #ExecutiveCoach, or a professional to #Coach your selected #Mentor pool and/or help you design and facilitate a #LeadershipMeeting or an internal #MentoringProgram, drop me a line!

Irina Miu, PhD

www.irinamiu.com