Impostor!

Can you hear it now?

It’s buzzing in your ear as you sit at a table with people more seasoned than you. It fills a silent room when you’re trying to focus on a difficult task. It’s there as you close your eyes for sleep and ruminate over what you should have done differently, better that day.

You must be the only one who doesn’t know this, it says.

You’re only here because you got lucky.

They’re about to find you out!

Sometimes it’s loud and blaring, other times it’s a nagging whisper edging to crawl back up to the surface. However it sounds, it’s all the time unproductive, demoralizing and quite frankly, annoying.

It’s the Impostor Judge.

She’s prickly, devoid of compassion, she knows your dirty little secret, and she won’t leave until you believe the “truth”: You don’t belong here!

The worst part? The Impostor Judge is you: the loudest critic you've met, reminding you that you’re not who everyone thinks you are.

This is a tough one for me to write about, despite the fact that I’m a big believer in the power of vulnerability as a means to accomplishing more - it doesn’t make it any easier to admit that I don’t feel like I belong sometimes. Even though I lead an org of 30 and I have worked my tail off to become a sales leader, nonprofit expert, and compassionate manager, I have plenty of experiences where my hands sweat when speaking up or I’m afraid to admit I don’t know something. My hope is that by sharing this, it’ll help some of you feel less alone, make some light bulbs go off, and maybe even give you a bit more courage to tame your own Impostor Judge.

The worst part? The Impostor Judge is you: the loudest critic you've met, reminding you that you’re not who everyone thinks you are.

Because whether or not you’re ready to admit it, I believe most everyone has been acquainted with the Impostor Judge at some point or another. Maybe you’re actually in her company at this very moment.

But what is this, and why does it exist?

Impostor Syndrome is defined as a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. The best way I’ve found to describe it is a feeling of constantly lacking, and it can stem from a variety of personal tendencies. Valerie Young, a researcher and expert on Impostor Syndrome, has found patterns in people who experience this:

• “Perfectionists” aim for the unattainable; they are never good enough and constantly questioning their own competencies.
• “Experts” self-perceive as the authority on every subject and get insecure when they’re not the most knowledgeable person in the room.
• The “Natural Genius” is used to being told they’re good at everything, so they lose their footing when they don’t get something on the first try (see my article on Growth Mindset for a deeper dive into this tendency).
• “Soloists” flail when they have to ask for help, because they believe they’re only successful if they can figure something out themselves.
• “Supermen/Superwomen" feel like they need to be firing on all cylinders in order to be accomplished, so they'll often work harder than everyone else to prove they're not impostors.

Recent studies show that 70% of all people experience these feelings at some point in their lives, which means most people will have felt some form of this before. And yes, it’s shown this affects women most of all, but some of my male peers and superiors who I thought were supremely and effortlessly confident have opened up to me about their own impostor experiences and self doubts.

The best way I’ve found to describe it is a feeling of constantly lacking, and it can stem from a variety of personal tendencies.

So how can you tame The Judge? Here are a few things that have worked for me:

1. Talk about it: the first step is acknowledging this is happening for you. You’ll start to connect dots for yourself, and you'll probably be pleasantly surprised to hear some of the most competent people you know feel the same. Plus, your colleagues will remind you that The Judge is really a junkie pedaling false goods.
2. Personify it: If you’re a visual person, try give her a body and a personality so you can actually imagine shooing her away. This can bring some necessary lightness to something that often feels quite heavy.
3. Make a list of all the reasons you’re qualified: you’re in your role for a reason. Remind yourself of that list - I bet you it’s long and includes things on it that you might not think of consciously on a daily basis.
4. Make a list of all the reasons you’re not qualified: make all the doubts real for a minute. Similar to #1, it’s only by confronting your inner demons head-on that you can figure out how to banish them. Go through that list with a fine-toothed comb: are these really getting in your way of being successful? If so, make a plan to tackle them one at a time. Is this something you can immediately control? You’re never going to solve for years of experience over-night. Cross those uncontrollable reasons off.

Above all, remember that when The Judge comes out, it's likely because you're going beyond what you thought you were capable of. You're pushing the envelope, taking a risk, putting yourself out there. You're doing something extraordinary.

And when has greatness ever come any other way?

I want to hear your stories. Do you have any other strategies for going toe-to-toe with your own Impostor Judge?