Imposter syndrome: The silent killer of negotiation success

As a negotiation consultant with over a decade of commercial experience, I've worked with numerous professionals in various industries, helping them improve their negotiation skills and achieve their goals. Despite my expertise, there is a secret I've been keeping from my clients: I often suffer from imposter syndrome, just like many of them do.?

Do you ever feel you are not worthy of the job position you are in, or that you are a fraud? Do you worry you may not be as competent as others believe you are? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you may be experiencing imposter syndrome: a psychological pattern in which one doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. It can affect anyone, regardless of level of expertise, experience, or success.??

Unsurprisingly, imposter syndrome can impact performance in business negotiations, so being aware of some common pitfalls and barriers is important for those that experience it. A related consideration is gender, which can also play a role in negotiation outcomes.??

In this article I examine imposter syndrome and gender, as well as the implications of the rise in virtual negotiations. I conclude with practical tips and strategies to overcome imposter syndrome and become a more effective negotiator.?

The negative impact of imposter syndrome on business negotiations?

Business negotiations are challenging, even for the most confident among us. When we are struggling with imposter syndrome these challenges are magnified, with multiple potential pitfalls and barriers that can hinder our performance, including:?

1. Inability to recognize worth??

Individuals with imposter syndrome may undervalue themselves and their skills, leading them to accept less than their desire.?

2. Failure to establish boundaries?

Individuals with imposter syndrome may struggle to set boundaries and advocate for themselves, leading them to take on more than they can handle or accept unfavorable deals.?

3. Lack of confidence?

Imposter syndrome can erode confidence, making someone less assertive and less likely to negotiate for what they want.?

4. Perfectionism?

Individuals with imposter syndrome may have a perfectionist mindset, leading them to set unrealistic expectations for themselves and others. This can lead to increased stress and pressure and a reluctance to make concessions or compromises.?

5. Inability to handle criticism??

Individuals with imposter syndrome may struggle to accept feedback or criticism as they may see it as evidence of their inadequacy. This inability to handle criticism can hinder their ability to learn and grow as negotiators.?

Gender and imposter syndrome in business negotiations?

Gender can play a significant role in how imposter syndrome affects individuals in business negotiations. Research has shown that women are more likely to experience imposter syndrome than men (Clance and Imes, 1978), and this can impact their negotiation style. Women may be more hesitant to negotiate for what they deserve, leading to lower salaries and fewer promotions.??

Furthermore, women are often subjected to gender biases in negotiations, such as being perceived as less competent or less likable than their male counterparts (Bowles et al., 2007). This can make it even more challenging for women to navigate negotiations and assert themselves confidently. It has been found that women may be more likely to attribute their success to external factors, such as luck, rather than their abilities, which can hinder their negotiation confidence.?

It is important to note that women can be highly effective negotiators when they are equipped with the right strategies and mindset. Research has shown that women who use assertive communication styles, focus on their strengths, and seek out mentorship and support are more likely to achieve positive negotiation outcomes.??

Tips to improve negotiation skills when suffering from imposter syndrome?

Although imposter syndrome can have a significant impact on an individual's performance in business negotiations, there are several strategies that individuals can use to improve their negotiation skills, including:?

1. Prepare thoroughly?

Thorough preparation can help individuals build their confidence and reduce anxiety in business negotiations. Individuals should research their counterparts, gather information on the negotiation topic, and anticipate potential objections or questions. Preparation is 90% of your success.?

2. Focus on your value?

It’s easy to get caught up in feelings of inadequacy when negotiating. However, it’s important to remember the value that you bring to the table. Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and unique skills that you can offer in the negotiation. This can help you feel more confident in your abilities and more willing to assert yourself in the negotiation.?

3. Seek support?

Don’t be afraid to seek support from colleagues or mentors who have experience in negotiations. Talking to someone who has been through similar situations can help you gain perspective and feel less alone in your struggles with imposter syndrome.?

4. Address your limiting beliefs?

Imposter syndrome is often rooted in limiting beliefs about us and our abilities. It’s important to identify these beliefs and work to reframe them in a more positive light. For example, if you believe that you’re not qualified for a particular negotiation, try to focus on the experiences and skills that do make you qualified, rather than dwelling on what you may lack.?

5. Practice, practice, practice?

The more you negotiate, the more comfortable you will become being uncomfortable. Practice will also boost your confidence. Look for opportunities to practice negotiation in everyday life and seek out training courses to improve your skills.???

?What about virtual negotiations??

In addition to the challenges posed by imposter syndrome and gender biases, there are several other trends and considerations that are shaping negotiations in today's business landscape. One of the most notable trends is the shift to virtual negotiations in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic.??

Virtual negotiations have become increasingly common in today's remote work environment, and for those with imposter syndrome, they can present a unique set of challenges. The lack of face-to-face interaction can intensify feelings of self-doubt and anxiety, as individuals may struggle to read social cues and pick up on nonverbal cues that they would normally rely on in person. Additionally, the added pressure of communicating effectively through a computer screen can lead to heightened feelings of insecurity and fear of being exposed as a fraud.??

Those with imposter syndrome may also be more likely to avoid speaking up or asserting themselves in virtual negotiations, as they may feel that their contributions are not valuable or that they do not have the authority to do so. Overall, virtual negotiations can exacerbate the negative effects of imposter syndrome, and it is important for individuals to be aware of these potential challenges and take steps to mitigate them.?

One of the most important things someone with imposter syndrome can do to improve their performance in a virtual negotiation is to prepare thoroughly. This is mentioned above however, since virtual negotiations can be more challenging than in-person negotiations, it's crucial to ensure you're well-prepared for the meeting.??

This includes researching the other party, preparing talking points, and anticipating potential questions or objections that may arise during the negotiation. By being well-prepared, you can increase your confidence going into the negotiation, which can help to mitigate any feelings of imposter syndrome. Additionally, having a well-thought-out plan can help you to stay focused and maintain your composure throughout the negotiation.?

Conclusion?

Imposter syndrome can be a challenging obstacle to navigate, particularly in high-stakes negotiations. However, with awareness, preparation, and support, it’s possible to overcome these feelings. By understanding the signs and symptoms of imposter syndrome, individuals can take steps to overcome it and become more confident negotiators.?

Some of the strategies that individuals can use to overcome imposter syndrome in negotiations include reframing negative self-talk, focusing on their strengths and accomplishments, seeking feedback and support, and setting realistic expectations for themselves. Additionally, individuals can benefit from preparation and practice, including conducting mock negotiations and researching the other party's interests and objectives.?

Virtual negotiations present unique challenges for individuals with imposter syndrome, including the lack of face-to-face interactions and the potential for technical difficulties. To overcome these challenges, individuals can work on developing their virtual communication skills, such as maintaining eye contact and using clear and concise language. They can also take steps to create a comfortable and distraction-free environment for the negotiation.?

Overall, overcoming imposter syndrome in negotiations requires a combination of self-awareness, preparation, and practice. By taking these steps, individuals can become more confident and effective negotiators, achieving better outcomes for themselves and their organizations.?

Sources?

Bowles, H. R., Babcock, L., & Lai, L. (2007). Social incentives for gender differences in the propensity to initiate negotiations: Sometimes it does hurt to ask. Organizational behavior and human decision processes, 103(1), 84-103.?

Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 15(3), 241.?

HBR Staff. (2019). What Is Imposter Syndrome? [Web article]. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2019/01/what-is-imposter-syndrome?

Neff, K. (2021). Self-Compassion. William Morrow.?