IMPOSTER SYNDROME – is not only in the workplace

What is Imposter Syndrome?

It is simply the consequence of a repeating inner process of negative self-beliefs, negative self talk (the words you use when speaking to yourself either silently or out loud), fear of being exposed - and of feeling the agonising shame of inadequacy and failure. It is a result of believing yourself to be 'not OK' and 'not-good-enough'. Your own ingrained negative beliefs and fears have created the problem you now know as Imposter Syndrome.

The process goes like this..... 'I'm crap... I talk crap to myself about myself ... I dread other people realising how crap I really am ... I'm even crap at trying to hide my flaws and fooling people into thinking that I'm not crap... this makes me feel even more crap!'

You might try to hide your damaged and faulty 'crap' self behind a false persona – the one you want others to believe in. You know it's only a flimsy facade, and you are terrified that your deception will be revealed and you will be further ridiculed and rejected. This fear compounds your deeper feelings of shame at needing to have a false persona, and never feeling good enough as you are.

The inner conflict and emotional turmoil of 'living a lie' and keeping the mask and fake persona in place is extremely draining and tiring - and we have to try even harder to keep up the facade we have created. The vicious circle can only be broken by starting with the awareness of our own inner process and its origins. Our inner imposter isn't our enemy – our early psychological and emotional programming is our real enemy. We hold ourselves back because we fear the shame of not meeting the expectations put upon us. We block our own happiness, success and peace of mind by trying to avoid fear and shame – the two master emotions with the power to totally disempower us!.

What causes Imposter Syndrome?

If you have negative beliefs and thoughts about yourself they will always show up – somewhere and sometime. When the stakes are higher so is the fear of failure and the dread of feeling ashamed of your own shortcomings and inadequacies.

If you have become really good at being fake, you can probably fool some people some of the time – but we never fool ourselves. We can't fool the child we once were into believing that they are really OK, when deep down they can't believe this could ever be the case.

That child – who experienced those early years of your life – still lives inside you and determines your emotional reactivity, self-concept, self-evaluation and the level of authenticity you feel safe enough to show. Your beliefs about who you are were installed into your sub-conscious mind before you were old enough to challenge and evaluate them – and so you assume they are the truth about you.

Perhaps there is a positive pay-off for you from having Imposter Syndrome. If so that will also be indicative of your negative self-concept. For example, when you have the familiarity of playing out the role of victim or underdog, or in proving your lack of competence or worth to others - and thereby having an excuse for your own low self-expectations and the self-sabotaging of your own success.

The negative consequences of Imposter Syndrome can include damage to your relationships because you dare not show your real self; the self-imposed limits upon your skills and abilities; reduced finances and being stuck in a low salary job – with no likely prospect of promotion or a pay rise.

When you have conquered your inner imposter you will able to motivate yourself and become your own cheerleader - instead of squashing yourself with harsh words and bad feelings.

When does Imposter Syndrome appear?

If only 'the imposter' didn't ever appear! But then how else would we express our sub-conscious limiting self-beliefs, or hold ourselves back from gaining recognition and success - which we don't actually believe we deserve to have?

It shows up whenever we might be judged, evaluated, and possibly criticised, ridiculed or rejected by someone we perceive as being superior to us in some way. It shows up when there is a lot at stake – a lot of responsibility and a lot of potential failure and humiliation.

Where does Imposter Syndrome appear?

It is usually linked to the working environment - where you have a lot to live up to and a lot of impressing of others to do.

However your inner imposter can also appear elsewhere - whenever your underlying negative beliefs and fears about yourself are activated or 'triggered'.

For example you might be starting a new relationship - and feel afraid of being rejected for not being good enough for them - and so you adapt to present yourself as more accomplished, successful or wealthy than you really are. Or you fake-it with your prospective in-laws, or when you are asked to lead a new community project, or maybe as a new parent.

You can have Imposter Syndrome in one setting but not in another – depending upon your related core self-beliefs and negative self-talk about a particular setting and who else is there.

You might feel great about the work you do, yet feel like a phony with your extended family, or in your wider social group.

You might be going on a first date and are afraid of being rejected for not being good enough for them – and so you adapt to present yourself as more accomplished, successful or wealthy than you really are.

You might receive public acclaim and even win medals for your sporting achievements – yet feel completely fake in the interactions with your sponsors, or with any media interest in your proven success.

You might be a wealthy successful entrepreneur but feel like a loser when pitching a new project to new financial backers and investors.

You can experience feeling like a fake, phony, fraud or imposter with certain people who remind you in some way of another person with whom you have previously felt inferior and disempowered. A negatively influential someone who created and/or confirmed your low self-esteem at a time when you internalised what they said, without having any way of filtering out the truth, or knowing their cruel reasons for harming your developing self-concept.

The origins of your inner turmoil might be the same – but they show up in different situations.

When the reason still exists – the behaviour persists!

Is there a cure for Imposter Syndrome?

Real change requires working on three stages of your life journey:

the now – the past – and the future.

This creates your own individual curative healing process.

I work in person with women – most of whom are professionals and business owners. I have known for decades what inner child wounding and healing is (this is my clinical speciality), I later realised that many people didn't know what it was, and knew only that they were experiencing crippling self-doubt, self-denigration, and self-limiting beliefs and behaviours – which they had now found a name for … Imposter Syndrome.

They knew the extent of their pain and turmoil, and they wanted help to make it go away. They wanted the freedom to stride outside their restricted comfort zone and to feel good about themselves, and to gain resilience, courage, confidence and ultimately success and pride. The awareness of the impact of their childhood experiences upon their adult lives then followed on from that original painful need – which was their 'presenting issue'.

In this way Imposter Syndrome can be a gateway to finding out who we are, why we are like that, how we limit ourselves, and how we have believed lies about ourselves - which have negatively shaped our self-concept and self-esteem/worth.

When feeling like an imposter becomes unbearable we seek information, advice and help. Many thousands of people are looking for this online every month. You are certainly not alone!

There are many articles available which share 'tips' to help us to cope with Imposter Syndrome – e.g. power-dressing, breathing techniques, visualisations, mantras and affirmations etc.

In my opinion, unless and until we find the original sources of our own negative programming we can't fully clear it up and re-programme our body-mind to have a more compassionate, courageous and confident self-concept.

This will then enable and empower us to always feel OK about ourselves. We can develop resilience against the fear and shame of failure, we can reframe what failure and perfection really are, we can control our negative thinking patterns and self-talk, we can strive to show the best and fullest version of ourselves instead of only the 2-D silhouette.

This takes skilled guidance, support and accountability from someone who also knows how you might sabotage the help being offered to you. You have to find someone who really knows what it feels like to walk in your shoes - and to have them reliably accompany you as you find the path to being the you that you want and prefer to be, in any setting.

How To Overcome Imposter Syndrome

The child you once were – your Inner Child – has been holding onto what was 'downloaded' into your immature mind many years ago. We all need to heal from what we did and didn't get as a child.

I call my own process of therapeutic change S.E.L.E.C.T. Your Life – the acronym stands for:-

S – Self-awareness

E – Education

L- Learning new skills

E – Emotional intelligence, balance and self-regulation

C – Control, clarity and choice

T – Transformation!

I do a thorough and holistic job – top down and bottom up - of both mind and body healing. I don't offer you a superficial approach which would probably only end in failure - and thereby bring you more shame and self-denigration. I work in a sensitive and structured way, always with the end in sight.

Doing a thorough job also entails looking at aspects of your 'Sub-personalities' – these are the offshoots and aspects of your overall personality which were created in childhood as a result of your experiences, and as a creative way of dealing with things back then.

Some of these sub-personalities will most likely link into your presenting issue of Imposter Syndrome – such as any part of you that could be called Compliant, or Underdog, or Perfectionist, or Procrastinator, or Over-thinker, or Self-Critic, or People Pleaser, or Rescuer.

We all have several sub-personalities which can get in our way as an adult and snatch away our confidence and thwart our success. Fortunately we also have some good and beneficial sub-personalities too, and these will become more prominent as the others recede back into the past where they belong.

All of our behaviours have a reason behind them - when we find the reason we can find the remedy.

To get you started on your own journey to conquering Imposter Syndrome I am offering you some FREE professional help and guidance in my PDF guide called -

3 Steps To Overcome Your Imposter Syndrome … so you can finally have the life and career you deserve and enjoy!

YOU CAN GET YOUR COPY HERE

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and the sooner you start the sooner you finish!