Imposter: the syndrome and my solution.

I have a recurring dream in which I’m asked to sub in during the NBA All-Star Game. I take the court in a state of panic. The inbound pass comes to me. I start dribbling up court, poorly. As I feel the defense closing in on me, I wake up. Waking up is a gift, because like most mildly athletic, AARP-eligible people, I do NOT belong in the NBA All-Star Game. Even as a sub.

The inspiration behind this dream is easy to identify: I was hired to creative direct the in-arena entertainment at the 1998 NBA All-Star Game in Madison Square Garden. Having done exclusively corporate work until that point, the gig was a huge opportunity for me. I hadn’t followed the NBA very closely for many years. I’d never worked on an arena event or a televised event. But when a colleague reached out to gauge my interest, I decided to go for it. Once I got the job, I was scared out of my mind, which kept telling me,

"I don’t belong here. I’m not qualified to do this job. And they’re going to figure that out."?

Wikipedia defines imposter syndrome as “a psychological occurrence in which people doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments and have a persistent?internalized?fear of being exposed as frauds.” A spot-on definition of what I was experiencing.

I was responsible for programming everything that would happen in the arena other than the game itself and the halftime show. This meant figuring out how to keep the crowd energized and engaged during the pregame as well as on every commercial break (and there were a lot of commercial breaks). It also included scripting the PA announcements and the player introductions.

Let’s cut to the ending: my work was very well received, so much so that I was recommended to play an even larger role the following year at The Bill Russell Tribute, an experience that I wrote about recently.

So how did I go from “I’m an imposter” to “I got this and I’m ready for the next thing?” I kept reminding myself of three key truths which kept me grounded and focused. I’m sharing these truths here because I think they provide a useful roadmap for others who get hit with the occasional episode of imposter syndrome.

1. “I don’t have to do this alone.”

While I was responsible for the in-arena entertainment, I didn’t have to do it by myself. My executive producer made it clear that she had my back and would get me the support I needed. Editors from NBA Entertainment were put at my disposal to cut videos from the league’s extensive archive. We had a talent booker dedicated to the project, and lots of production help to manage the logistics.

By recognizing that I had this support – and asking for help when I needed it – I was able to transform my thought process from “I’ll never be able to get all this done” to “I’ve got the people and resources I need to make this happen.”

2. “I know how to do this. (Or at least some of this.)”

While the project felt terrifying from the outside, the terror dissipated once the actual work began. Coming up with interstitial entertainment ideas was something I did all the time for conferences and large sales meetings. I’d worked with dozens of live acts and creative directed hundreds of videos. I knew how to sell my ideas to management (which in this case was Adam Silver, who was head of NBA Entertainment and is now the NBA Commissioner). Once I got to work, the project was demystified.

3. “They hired ME to do MY best.”

When I interviewed for this gig, I sold myself hard (because I wanted it badly) but didn’t misrepresent my experience or skills in any way. If they wanted to hire Harold Prince or Julie Taymor, they would have. Instead, the folks in charge thought I was the right choice. (It didn’t hurt that their budget was more Gary Forman than Hal Prince.) So during the moments when my confidence was sagging, I would remind myself that the people who hired me knew what they were doing, and they chose me. So rather than focusing on how Julie Taymor might have staged the player intros, I just took my best shot, because that’s what I was hired to do.

These three truths continue to come in handy when a challenging project triggers a case of imposter syndrome. (But they are useless when it comes to my recurring dream of playing in the NBA All-Star Game, in which my imposter feelings are well-founded, and the only solution is to wake up before Tim Duncan gets in my face.)

Since you made it this far, you might be interested in checking out my recent appearance on the No More Bad Events podcast, in which I talk about my work and trade corporate event war stories with podcast host, comedian, and corporate emcee, Scott Bloom.