Imposter Syndrome & My Relationship with Success.

Relationships are complicated.

They are complex and bring enormous opportunities for our internal growth—if we’re open to it, that is.

Like yours, my life is full of opportunities for growth through the relationships I’m in.

After a decade on my personal development journey, there is one relationship that consistently reveals new depths in uncovering how my brain has been programmed:

My relationship with SUCCESS.

It literally took me years to understand that my past perception of success was not universal. Years...

Just to clarify, what I thought being successful meant was having a successful career, title, house, car, holidays, travel - you get the picture.

This was the understanding of success I grew up with; it was what my husband saw as being successful, and what the people around me viewed as success.

Then I achieved all that, and it was lovely.

And at the same time...

I thought to myself, “Is this it? Is this what all the fuss is about? Because if it is, there must be something wrong with me—I’m not feeling IT.”

It looked cool on the outside, but I wasn’t feeling it internally.

So I kept chasing more of the same “stuff.”

Maybe if I move to yet another country, I will start feeling IT.

I didn’t.

Then I left my corporate job, thinking that if I had my own business, I would feel better.

No company politics. No BS. No action plans.

But guess what?

I took myself with me.

So I left the job, but I took myself with me.

The first year in my business was a copy-and-paste of my corporate job.

Hustling. Driving. Chasing.

I took my idea of success with me.

And then things started to land...

Being seen as “successful” is how I learned to survive in this world.

Now, this is a HARD truth to admit to myself because it basically means that I see myself as worthy ONLY if I succeed.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s in a corporate job or running my own business—my worth is connected to being seen as successful.

Being SEEN as successful.

Let me tell you—publicly admitting this is confronting.

And at this stage of my life—necessary.

Necessary for my own growth and internal liberation.

Whether I want to admit it or not, my subconscious has been telling me for almost 50 years that I am worthy ONLY if I succeed (in that very restricted, conventional way our society prescribes).

I’m a slave to success.

I’m submissive in my relationship with success.

And that has kept me trapped in a certain way of doing things and living my life.

The following realisation is a big one for me (warning: it might be triggering because it might remind you of yourself):

People like US (meaning my family) are always successful. And if we are not really successful, we pretend we are successful, happy, cheerful, and sorted.

We are happy to live a lie just to be obedient in our relationship with success.

We are scared to show who we REALLY are.

Because it would reveal that what we really feel is being an IMPOSTER!!!!

Caring for my husband as he is on his journey with terminal cancer is giving me an opportunity to face some big questions at a whole new level of depth.

I’ve done a lot of healing, and now a deeper level of connection with myself is up for grabs. I’ll take it, however uncomfortable.

My relationship with success is an identity-defining question for me.

What does success mean to me?

I seriously can’t tell you right now. I don’t know.

I could come up with another construct of my mind to make myself sound good, but the truth is I seriously don’t know right now.

The one thing I do know is that I want to feel peaceful.

And the truth is that I am feeling peaceful, despite the external circumstances I am currently in.

I am at peace with what is, exactly as it is.

Nothing needs to change.

Nothing needs to be different.

There’s nowhere to get to.

I feel a softening in my heart.

I feel the harsh, self-imposed expectations dissolving.

Enough.

Enough of feeling like I’m not good enough if I don’t “succeed.”

Can I love myself exactly as I am?

Can I give myself permission to stop following my mind and trust my intuition to lead me from now on into the unknown?

It requires courage.

So much courage because intuition might lead me to live on minimum wage, working in a supermarket.

Can I trust that that is the right path for me if that is the case?

Can I still love myself without any internal judgement or feelings of failure? Even if it doesn’t align with my subconsciously created idea of success?

Truly and honestly. Can I?

Am I ready for whatever is coming as a result of divorcing my relationship with my idea of success?

This is what I’m feeling...

FUCK YEAH, I’M READY!!!!

And SO curious about what’s coming next.

What’s your relationship with success? A question my clients often explore in the privacy of our confidential sessions.

What programme have you been conditioned to believe about what success is?

With so much love,

Michaela xx