Imposter Syndrome as a Cycle Breaker

This article is a response to the HBR article “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome”. The authors have valid points and it is definitely worth the read to understand the systemic biases plaguing workplaces leading to the diagnoses of imposter syndrome in women in the workplace specifically; but something I do want to challenge is the inference that the imposter syndrome phenomenon holistically is nothing more than a problematic diagnosis manufactured purely to label women’s feelings of not belonging in a man’s world. Because, as later studies into impostorism have shown: imposter syndrome is very much a real thing, and isn’t exclusive just to women, or the workplace. I’m also a living, breathing example of this. I experience imposter syndrome. Not in the context of being a victim to the patriarchy, but as a cycle breaker. I do not experience imposter syndrome only in the context of work, I experience it in every facet of my life.

A cycle breaker is someone who comes from a childhood with struggles such as abuse, neglect, dysfunction, addiction, control...and instead of repeating the pattern themselves, break the cycle of toxic behaviour their parents and maybe even their parents’ parents engaged in. It’s taken years of therapy for me to 1) recognise the abuse and trauma I have come from and 2) accept it. The effects of my childhood manifest in my thoughts, behaviours and emotions every single day, and one particular way it shows up incandescently is in the sensation I do not belong, that I am a fraud and the intense fear I am about to be found out.?

At work, every promotion I’ve earned, every award I have won, every acknowledgement I receive, I experience this strong knot of nausea rise up and consume me, and the proverbial hole I’ve dug myself into gets deeper. You’re in too deep now, the voice in my head taunts, better not get found out now.

I go into every new day wondering if that’s the day the curtain will be pulled back and the great Wizard of Oz revealed to be none other than me...the “blue collar white trash” masquerading as a “white collar professional” with wonderful husband, gorgeous son and better-than-I-could-have-ever-dreamed life. And poof, it will all be taken away.

It’s taken me years of therapy to even get to the point of acknowledging, and accepting, why I feel this way. I experienced deep, severe, systematic trauma as a child that has left a mental disorder etched into my very being, a symptom of which being the ascribed imposter syndrome. Having a label to describe my feelings of not belonging, of being a fraud, brings me a comfort in knowing where there’s a label there is also understanding. I do not use imposter syndrome as a crutch, nor do I let it beat me down - this should be evidenced by the very fact I am writing this article.

No amount of workplace reform will remedy my affliction of imposter syndrome. And dare I say anecdotally, there are many others of which workplace reform will not be enough for them either. Because imposter syndrome is inherently intrinsic, our feelings come from within - and caused from a vast array of external factors (not just in the context of the workplace). The only way we can heal from our own psychological antipatterns is to overcome them ourselves. If you have issues with this sentiment, take it up with my medical professionals.?

The authors of the HBR article are well meaning and their points valid in the context of their initial story, but for all their efforts to point out the diversity and inclusion flaws in the initial study of the imposter phenomenon, they managed to do that very same thing in their own article. Research since the initial study by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes shows imposter syndrome is not purely an affliction of the workplace, but experienced by all genders from all walks of life in all facets of life, and the HBR article does not hold space for imposter syndrome in any context beyond its prevalence in the workplace. It’s taken a since-superseded study from 1978 and used it to put a sword through all individuals from all backgrounds experiencing imposter syndrome in one fell swoop.

I am here with nuance, and I am here to tell you imposter syndrome is real, and if you experience it you are valid.??

A very special thanks to Larene Lg for proofing this article, and helping me find the courage in sharing a deeply intimate aspect of myself.