Impossible Choices and Equilibrium

How do you balance being a good employee, a good parent and a good family member during a global pandemic? Do you step away from a meeting because your child is distracted from learning? How do you care for a child with special needs or differences while trying to work? How do you care for a parent who needs increasing care? These are just some of the impossible choices so many of us are dealing with during the COVID-19 pandemic. 

While many may enjoy the unexpected appearances on Zoom by kids, pets, leaf blowers, and other distractions, for the co-worker on the other end it may not be as much fun, and is just a small glimpse into the stress they are heroically trying to manage, and hide, throughout their workday.

Impossible choices show up in many ways. In my own life, one of my loved ones has a long-term health condition generating many medical complications. This year, as these complications have come up, they have inevitably involved hospitalization followed by lengthy rehab stays, then followed by quarantines. Is the immediate medical benefit of treatments worth the lost time of separation and isolation? Many families wrestle with this exact situation.

These days I tend to say that I have run out of metaphors for describing 2020 and the sheer magnitude of what has happened this year. What is amazing to me is how some of what we are experiencing has become normalized; everything from travel restrictions and lockdowns, to Zoom fatigue and virtual schooling, and the seemingly endless pressure of politics, news, and social media. 

So, what do you do when you feel responsible, but have impossible choices to make? I think at the end of the day you must recognize the situation for what it is and release yourself from the pressure of making the “right,” or perfect, choice. Sometimes, the best option is simply what is the next best thing to do, and sometimes among less than ideal choices. Give yourself credit for the effort to balance things as well as you can. Consciously rejecting the temptation to marinate in guilt as you navigate these uncharted situations is the only way to not let it eat you up each day.

This kind of thinking requires a lot of self-discipline and mindfulness, aspects of self-care we all need to invest in as the months stretch on and, especially as we head into the holiday season, choices and trade-offs may continue to get harder. In some cases, access to wellness and mental health care is critical to taking care of ourselves. 

For my part I am trying to reestablish some structure in my personal life to manage what I can control. No longer using Zoom fatigue as an excuse not to exercise, using the proximity of the kitchen as an excuse to graze, and continuing to limit the frequency of my news consumption and all the stress that it involves are all priorities for me. I am also focusing on choosing paper books over screens for recreation, spending maximum time with my dogs, and trying to not save my vacation for big breaks but to salt in days off with more frequency to decompress and stay on top of personal issues.

For all of you making your way through this stressful and difficult landscape, I wish you the best in keeping your equilibrium, taking care of yourself, and finding your own peace. If you are doing the best you can, that is all anyone—including yourself—could ask. ______________________________________

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