Important Conversations

Following on from my article last week, if you read it, I decided I’d also share our by-line for Minds Aligned, ‘one conversation at a time’?and linking the two is our purpose ‘To facilitate change, one conversation at a time”.?The intentional choice of our purpose is to emphasise the importance and power of conversations

Can you recall your favourite conversation??By favourite it could be most illuminating, interesting, powerful, life-changing connecting or special in some other way.?If you can, what was it about that particular conversation??The person, timing, location, how it was delivered, the intent, the content, the words that were used??The reason I ask is because all of these are important and will make a difference and if any are missing then the result can be very different.

All of our work is conversational, particularly 1:1 and we ensure that our groupwork is as conversational as possible while being focused on helping the group learn what they are there to learn.?We also lead some groups through how to improve communication because, although we all communicate as well as possible, many things can get in the way of that and there is always room for improvement.?If you’ve ever said something before your brain was fully engaged or when you were tired, emotional, stressed, fatigued or unwell you’ll probably recognise that it wasn’t an effective way to have a conversation, putting it mildly.?Duh!?Or as someone in my past told me me “for an intelligent person, you say some really stupid things sometimes” – a grain of truth in that, as I eventually admitted even though it took time!

Going back to your recollections about your favourite conversation and your reasons, you will no doubt also have a shining example of one that felt difficult, awkward, unnatural, compromising, rehearsed and contrived and you probably wanted it to end as quickly as possible whether it was you or the other person who was making it that way.?

In our personal life with family and friends or at work with our boss or colleagues, having the right conversation with the right person about the right topic at the right time can make a huge difference to the result. Then it begs the question why do we avoid the ‘difficult’ conversations??You know, those ones that we’re aware we have to have because they are important but shy away from for all sorts of reasons or dare I say excuses.?

In a personal setting we may avoid them for fear of offending someone or their reaction to what we are offering, particularly a loved one.?In a work setting, an example that anyone who has to do this will dread, is ‘performance’ conversations.?In both examples, it can be our reluctance to engage in the conversation that causes the very result that we dread.

So what are we to do??Nick offered has previously offered a simple and effective acronym that we use in many of our conversations and could be a helpful first step; THINK.?Before any important conversation consider; is it True??Is it Helpful??Is it Inspiring/Important??Is it Necessary? And last and by no means least, is it Kind? These simple guidelines can support your planning and help you select the when, where, why, how and where to of the conversation.?And if the message ticks all of those qualities, please be sure to stay present, deliver it with respect and compassion, in a location which is non-threatening and with true care for the the other person’s overall wellbeing.

Given the wonderful quote by Susan Scott in ‘Fierce Conversations’ – “I’m always having a conversation with myself; sometimes it includes other people”, the THINK acronym could also be a valuable tool for us each to reflect on our conversation with self and use it to challenge our inner negative dialogue.?

Just THINK what a difference that might make to your next conversation, whoever it’s with.

Rowena Hardy - Facilitator, Coach and Co-Founder, Minds Aligned