THE IMPORTANCE OF VULNERABILITY

Many years ago I was delivering leadership training to a group of supervisors and team leaders.? One of the course participants stated that he would never ever be seen shedding a tear in front of his team members because of how much he felt that it would be a sign of weakness.?

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I asked him if he would attempt to control his emotions even at a team member’s funeral and he repeated that he could think of no circumstance, including the death of a team member, that would give rise to being emotionally vulnerable as a leader in front of his team.??

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Obviously, this was something of an extreme example of an unwillingness to be vulnerable, but there has certainly been a predominant thought, especially amongst male employees, that vulnerability in leadership, in any form, is weakness.??

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Of course, vulnerability isn’t limited to being emotional. Over the last decade plus I have seen an increasing number of senior leaders in business be more prepared to show vulnerability in front of their staff. This increasing appetite for genuine openness (the antithesis of arrogance) was thoroughly demonstrated by the response to Brené Brown’s Ted Talk on the subject which hit a nerve, quickly becoming one of the most watched Ted Talks to date. Clearly the subject is not simply for the general populace, because Brené Brown, who was a vulnerability and shame researcher, is in constant demand to speak in previous bastions of stoicism such as corporate boardrooms and the military.?

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Having highlighted the fact that vulnerability as a leadership characteristic is on the rise, it’s worth discussing what vulnerability looks like in team leadership roles and also when it might be inappropriate or ineffective to demonstrate vulnerability. The kind of attitude and behaviours of a vulnerable leader might include not needing to know it all. It’s very tempting to feel the pressure of having to know more than your team members and being more skilled at their jobs than they are. In days gone by, many organisations promoted people on the basis of the length of service, particularly from frontline roles into leadership positions.??

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Often, these people were the most experienced and therefore very technically competent, but they were often not the best candidate in terms of their people leadership potential or qualities. That has certainly changed in many industries and professions and is more the exception than the rule nowadays. As a first-time leader, don’t feel the pressure to have to know more than your direct reports, particularly in terms of how the job is performed.?

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I have just been to a client meeting today with the CEO that I have worked with in a previous organisation. He is now heading up a professional services practice even though his previous experience has been in senior leadership roles in sports administration, hospitality, retail, and stadium management. It might be easy to wonder why he has been chosen to head up a professional services firm when he does not hold the professional service qualification himself, nor has he ever worked in a similar business. However, he was not employed to the same work that the majority of staff do, he was employed because of his talent as a CEO, and his ability to maximise the potential of both the business and staff.??

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Clearly, he doesn’t know as much about the specific work as the majority of staff under him, but it’s not necessary for him in terms of being an effective business leader. The skill set that he needs is strategizing, setting the future of direction of the business, determining the appropriate culture, and developing his team to perform at a high level.??

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If you, as an emerging leader, aspire to a general manager or CEO role in the future you are going to have to accept the fact that leadership roles do not require you to have more technical knowledge and ability than those you lead. You have been placed in the leadership role that you have because you at least have the minimum necessary knowledge in terms of industry competence, but more so because of your potential to manage the team and get the best possible performance out of individual members.??

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Even team leaders who are very technically competent in relation to team members, should resist the temptation to dive in and rescue them in order to lead them more effectively. When the team is not performing well it’s not your job to take over their jobs and perform the task for them. Your role is to guide, support, and coach them through the current problem or challenge to a place of adequate or even high achievement.??

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It’s not necessary for the captain of a sports team to be the most outstanding player on the team. Obviously, they need to be good enough to be in the team and should really be the best player for their position, but a good captain brings so much more to a team than simply their own competence as a player. In the same way, coaches at high levels in sport do not need to have competed themselves at the same level in order to be a great coach. Coaches for our national rugby team (the New Zealand All Blacks) generally have not had long and illustrious careers as All Blacks themselves before embarking on much longer coaching journeys to end up in charge of our national team. In fact, very seldom do our best players make the best coaches because the skill set that makes an outstanding player is not the same skill set required to be an outstanding coach.??

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Leadership and coaching require a very different skillset to playing and technical work, so be prepared to be vulnerable towards, and unintimidated by those that may be more experienced (or just downright more competent) in technical areas than you. As a team leader, technical adequacy is only one tool of many that you need to effectively lead, and the further up the ‘leadership ladder’ you go, technical expertise may become less and less important as in the earlier case of the possessional services CEO. Be prepared to ask questions, seek assistance and advice, and relieve yourself of the pressure to ‘know it all’.?

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It’s also important to be honest both with yourself and with the team and have enough vulnerability to be able to admit when you’ve made a mistake. The converse of this is doing everything within your power to hide the fact that you’ve done something wrong, especially being prepared to lie or deceive in order to absolve yourself from any culpability.??

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As human beings we are naturally drawn towards, and admire people, who are prepared to take personal responsibility for their actions. Conversely, we find it very difficult to respect people who attempt to cover up wrongdoing in order to make themselves look artificially better than they are.??

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Having said that, effective leadership often requires the balancing of opposing characteristics such as empathy versus firmness, having fun versus being professional, and decisiveness versus collaborative decision-making. Apologising also finds itself in tension with the need to engender confidence and ability in the team. As a new workplace leader there will be times when you need to be upfront with your team, or other members of the business, or even customers and clients and admit the fact that you’ve made a mistake or in some way failed to meet expectations. However, this needs to be held in tension with the fact that it would be inappropriate for you to go to your team and admit every single mistake that you make. There are some mistakes that require genuine admission and potentially an apology, and there are other mistakes that happen just in the course of normal work. It would be destabilising, and cause the team to lose confidence in you as their leader, if you had to wear your heart on your sleeve about every single misdemeanour.??

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If you have any degree of uncertainty as to whether or not to put your hand up for a mistake, then have a word to your manager and ask him or her if they believe that an admission or apology would be prudent given the context of the situation.??

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Here are a couple more guidelines for apologising (which of course always requires responsibility being taken). Jim Rohn said: “Effective leaders give a little bit more credit where possible to their team when things go well and take a little bit more share of the blame when things don’t go well”. The quote is a generic guideline to err on the side of taking more responsibility rather than less when things don’t go well, whether it’s been your direct responsibility or not. The other is a rule of thumb when you’re unsure whether or not to apologise for personal failure- “You need to if there’s a need- if it’s in everyone’s best interests”.??

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If your failure was in full view of the team and everyone including yourself knows that you got it wrong, then it makes sense to put your hand up and own it. If, on the other hand, there doesn’t seem to be some clear need or advantage it may be counterproductive.??

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It’s worth tying this conversation of admitting failure back to the central premise that effective leaders are able to be vulnerable with their teams, and if you feel like you’re holding back from admitting responsibility because of a lack of vulnerability then that’s not a good enough reason to be holding back.?

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Lastly, asking for help often requires a degree of vulnerability and dovetails into the earlier subject of ‘not needing to know everything’. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help and to be assisted by people who may or may not be more technically competent than you.??

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Once again, if you aspire to climb the ladder through numerous levels of leadership, then you cannot arrive at the top level without the ability to effectively ask for help when you need to. Asking for help as an emerging leader could come in the form of soliciting assistance from one of your direct reports, from higher up in the business, from a member of management including your line manager, or even asking for help outside the business in the form of mentors. You will not be as effective as you could be in any kind of business role, including leadership, if you lack the vulnerability to ask for help. You don’t know everything, and nor can you do everything on your own. Have the wisdom and the humility to know when to ask for help, particularly if it will benefit not just you but your team and/or the broader business, and/or customers or clients.?