The Importance of Unbecoming

“The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are. Rather it is about unbecoming who you are not.” -Albert Schweitzer

The image that many have of one who is enlightened or awakened, is often someone who is withdrawn from society, isolated in a monastery in Nepal, spending their days in silence and meditation.?

While it is indeed easier to focus on your inner wellbeing without any distractions whatsoever, it is also not realistic.? We are social beings that interact with others on a regular basis.?

Genuine awakening involves learning about yourself, waking up to knowing who you are, and gaining an understanding of your place in the world. It also involves unlearning and unbecoming who you have been conditioned to be by others, just to please them. Most people live with a long silenced voice inside yearning to express itself and break free from the chains that have held it back.?

As you begin to awaken to who you really are underneath all of your conditioning, you will regain awareness and a deeper connection with your inner being, to receive direction and guidance as you move through life. The many distractions in life will not have the same power over you that they had before. Even difficult people who are unkind and difficult to love will not have the same ability to trigger you to respond in kind, as they did before.?

How do you awaken and know your deeper self in a demanding, unkind world?

What is the process of going from living in a fog and feeling diminished and dominated by the demands of others, to awakening and deeply embracing who you truly are at the deepest level?

How can you carve out time to work on yourself with so many demands on your time?

Here are a few simple suggestions that you can do regularly:?

1. Wake up earlier.? In the solitude and stillness of the early morning, while the rest of the household is sleeping, spend 15 minutes a day either reading inspirational materials that direct you inward, writing down your thoughts in a journal, listening to music that inspires you, gazing out the window at the wonders of nature as you sip your coffee or tea, or any other way you find that encourages reflection and introspection. This will make a huge difference in the way you begin the day.
2. Meditate regularly. It is not necessary to meditate formally. Meditation is actually being present in everything you are doing. It is the simplest and most practical form of meditation for most people. Listen intently to the water running as you wash your hands. Smell the aroma of coffee or tea, while you are preparing it. Appreciate the wonder of the natural world, just outside your window. Pay attention to the morning calls of birds outside your window. Focus on all of your senses in that moment without naming what you see or feel. The important lesson is being fully focused and present in whatever form you choose in that moment. Presence is the portal to accessing your deeper self. If you have time to formally meditate, that is a plus.?
3. Remain grounded throughout the day.? Spend 1-2 minutes at various times during the day, to regroup and remain grounded. Even at work, while you are taking a bathroom break, spend another couple of minutes to breathe deeply and slowly. Focus on your breaths. This will take you out of your thinking mind and in touch with your deeper self, helping you to reset your day and become grounded again.?
4. Go to bed earlier.? As you prepare for bedtime, put your phone and other devices down, at least a few hours before going to sleep, to clear your mind from the matters of the world. Spend time alone in reflection for up to 15 minutes. Even if you have young children and a partner making demands on your time, you can still carve out 15 minutes at the close of your day for you, reflecting on who you are and your purpose.? If your family objects, arrange a family meeting to explain what you need. You can also encourage every family member that is old enough, to do the same. Everyone needs quiet time to regroup and reconnect with their deeper self.?
5. Remember the 5 Second Pause.? When things do not go the way you planned and you are challenged or triggered by unkind behaviors of people around you, remember to take a 5 second pause accompanied by a few slow, deep breaths, exhaling slowly after each breath.This pause allows you space to regroup mentally and emotionally, to choose more wisely how to respond from a deeper perspective and not impulsively. When you are calm, insights arise to guide your next steps. When you impulsively respond to negative behaviors from others while in a state of irritability, your response will be coming from your conditioning, not from the deeper place within.?

The most important role you will ever play in this life, is that of being yourself, not who the world conditioned you to be.? Know this in your bones. You are here to shine, not to hide who you are or to be less than who you are to please others.?

It is never too late to be who you are meant to be, regardless of your age, income, family situation, or any other perceived barrier. Your happiness and quality of life are dependent on being true to yourself first. Then you will have the ability to have more healthy and genuine relationships with others.?

In the vastness of the universe, there is only one YOU. Reflect on the power of that as a starting point. Everything else in your life depends on knowing that deeply. The other “stuff” in your life is just the overlay of your conditioning. You have the power within to change that, by unbecoming who you are not and leaning into who you ARE.?

Resources and support?

If you are having a difficult time embracing who you are and are looking for individualized support, message me directly for a discovery call: [email protected]