The Importance of Social Connection with David Robson

David Robson is an award-winning science writer based in London. He was a features editor at New Scientist and a senior journalist at the BBC, and he contributes regularly to the Guardian. His third book is The Laws of Connection: 13 Social Strategies That Will Transform Your Life, out on 6 June.

Watch the episode on:

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Episode Summary

In this conversation, David discusses the importance of social connection and the benefits it has on our health and happiness. He explains that many of our intuitions about social interactions are needlessly pessimistic and that we are all better at connecting with people than we assume.

David also explores the concept of the liking gap, where we tend to assume that the other person likes us less than we like them, and how this can hinder our ability to form connections. He provides tips on building social confidence and engaging in deeper conversations.

Additionally, he discusses the impact of ambivalent relationships and how to navigate disagreements constructively. The conversation explores strategies for building and maintaining meaningful connections with others. It discusses the importance of psychological distancing in arguments, the art of apologizing, the role of social media in loneliness, the impact of shared reality on relationships, and the power of awe. The conversation emphasizes the need to cultivate social connections and provides practical tips for enriching existing relationships.

Takeaways

• Many of our intuitions about social interactions are needlessly pessimistic, and we are all better at connecting with people than we assume.
• The liking gap is a bias where we tend to assume that the other person likes us less than we like them, which can hinder our ability to form connections.
• Building social confidence can be achieved through practice and recognizing that people are generally more interested in warmth and friendliness than eloquence.
• Engaging in deeper conversations and discussing passions and inner thoughts can lead to stronger connections and points of commonality.
• Ambivalent relationships, where people alternate between being supportive and critical, can be more stressful and detrimental to our well-being than outright mean relationships.
• Regularly contacting old friends and letting them know we are thinking of them can help build greater social connections.
• Disagreements are inevitable in relationships, and it is important to approach them constructively by recognizing the other person's intentions and seeking mutual understanding.
• Gaining psychological distance from the issue at hand and practicing active listening can help diffuse hostility in arguments. Psychological distancing, such as projecting oneself into the future or taking a third-person perspective, can help reduce conflict and contribute to more constructive arguments.
• When apologizing, it is important to recognize the significance of the apology to the other person and to give them the opportunity to express their feelings and be heard.
• Social media can be a tool for connection if used to foster meaningful interactions rather than social comparisons.
• Shared reality, the sense of having a common understanding and emotional experience with someone, is the foundation of social connection and can be nurtured through shared experiences and moments of awe.
• Enriching connections involves reaching out to others, expressing compliments and gratitude, and practicing self-compassion.
• Building social connections is possible for everyone, regardless of personality type, and it requires practice and kindness towards oneself.

Quotes

"We're all a lot better at connecting and bonding with people than we assume."

"We tend to assume that the other person liked us less than we liked them."

"People are better at conversation than they realize."

"Just imagine, you know, 10 years from now, how am I going to view this argument? Am I going to be proud of what I'm saying?"

"The downward trajectory just stopped right there. And they actually, those couples ended up being much happier over the two years than the people who didn't receive the same intervention."

"Take that third person perspective. I also love the projecting into the future. Doing both of those together just gives you a sense of, well, how much energy do I really want to invest in this?"