The importance of self-care and mental well-being within business communities. Can it be supported in a non traditional format?

It was my great pleasure to share our launch evening of Fvck Up Nights Glasgow with an engaged and fun audience and that happened to include; Satinder Panesar MA, BACP (Accred) Psychotherapist, Clinical Supervisor & Coach, whom I have got to know from my role at Lifelink the mental health charity doing incredible work in Glasgow and the West and where Satinder is a Clinical Lead.

We had already heard some hugely positive feedback from Mike Findlay of Victim Support Scotland and his piece entitled "What can F-Up Nights Do for our Mental Health" making the comment, "To allow people to come together in this way and be honest is surely also better for people’s mental health and well-being?" And so it was a fantastic opportunity to carry out a quick interview Satinder about her insights to what she took away from her visit to her first Fvck Up Night.

Over to you Satinder, so why did you attend the event?

"I am an avid net worker and I’m also someone that is very passionate about Mental Health and Well being. Having worked in the field for over 25 years, I really know the importance of having a good healthy mind. I have a passion to care for people and to develop individuals to get to a place where they have a healthy mind. It’s what I do best!"

"When you invited me along to a networking event (as I am an avid networker – and I was available on the night) I thought yes I’ll attend!  However when I realised the title of the event F*** Up Night I was intrigued, because how would this be any different from any other networking event?"

So Satinder what were your first thoughts as you arrived on a wet Monday evening at The Revolution Bar in Glasgow?

"I was very interested to find out this event had individuals from business communities of all ages attending from all different walks of life. It wasn’t the traditional middle aged, individuals suited and booted. I was really impressed with the number of younger adults that were attending and their passion, flare and confidence in business – it was very uplifting and inspiring."

"And as I entered the event I was invited to write on a Post It - one of my F*** Up’s! Well that totally stumped me! - I’ve never been asked that before – in fact what I have regularly been asked is what have your successes been!  When I got my head around this, there was so many to choose from and do I really want to share this? This was my first challenge of the night.  As I looked around the room there was a lot of hilarity - it felt like a very safe environment. I decided - just go for it!"

"Nick and Siri introduced the evening and shared some information around the formation of F*** Up nights – which was very interesting – and what great presenters!  Then followed some short presentations of which the first was an interesting piece by Angela Lewis who was part of a mountain rescue team. She was very honest and shared her feelings and her fears. She shared the potential of what might have been – it was scary! There was a Q&A session afterwards and I asked the following question"

“In the environment you work in and the level of trauma that you witness, not only around the example you were talking about but generally, what level of support is received on an emotional and psychological level for the team?"

Good question Satinder, did Angela have a good answer?

"I was surprised to hear not very much. That traumatised me and so I went on to talk to the speaker after wards and she shared with me how she has introduced much needed informed support and deliver of crisis trauma management, which is amazing and in fact Angela was amazing! Because to stand up and share your inner fears and feelings in a crowd full of people is very brave. My mind went on to the level of the support that was received from the gathered crowd and it felt very therapeutic. There was something about sharing your F*** Up’s in this environment that was supportive! Who would ever have thought that?"

"Next up was a ex-banker called Dave Kerr, who went on to share is F*** Up story!"

Hang on a minute Satinder, are you actually saying that an ex-banker actually admitted he got things wrong.... wow! We haven't heard many of those professionals admitting mistakes since the 2008 crash have we?

"I stood there and said – Gosh I have been on the receiving end of a very similar F*** Up and I could feel myself nodding and saying to myself, yes that’s a F*** Up because I was on the receiving end of that ! I approached Dave afterwards and shared my personal story – which was very cathartic and I‘m thinking, I’m standing here talking to a stranger about my personal experience that happened five years ago and it felt very raw. That’s not usually what you do, people actually save this stuff for an environment like a therapy room where they exchange an agreement of confidentiality! And here I was in a basement of a bar in Glasgow sharing my experience and how it made me feel and here was someone that was saying yes the process was f****d up!!! So there’s a therapeutic intervention on a very large scale within the room full of strangers."

You've mentioned the words cathartic and therapeutic, can you explain a little more about why you decided to use these words to describe the gathering you attended please?

"Further conversations over the evening had led me to ask the question “have you found this therapeutic?” Some responded and said what do you mean? Well has this helped you and do you feel supported, supported by a crowd not just an individual therapist - and the result was absolutely! I also, I asked “as a business owner how are you supported emotionally and psychologically” and to be honest, not a lot of people had thought about it. This then went on for me to think about the importance of mental health within business owners."

So Satinder can you expand on why you think F*** Up nights can be good for your own mental health and well-being?

"I thought about it for days after attending the event and what I felt both the speakers and audience members like myself got from those sharing their story within a F*** Up community and I think it was this;"

·      You know it’s a safe environment to share failure and mistakes - there is no right or wrong way to deliver your F*** Up. It’s yours to tell and share it in whatever way you want which is empowering.

·      There may be a chance of feeling judged by others however when our stories are shared we are sending a message to others that we are in a safe place where our F*** Ups are embraced. 

·      The environment enables you to find your voice and tell your story

·      It is important for others because not only does is do good for you, but it also builds confidence in others and it’s all learning!

·      There’s a sense of relief sharing a F*** Up the realisation of “I’m only human and that happened to me too”.

·       It serves to inspire, motivate, empower and support others.

·      Talking out aloud about what’s happened and the impact it’s had on you helps to clarify things, puts things into perspective not only for yourself but others too.

·      It may release any tension that has been building up and create a sense of relief.

·      It definitely created laughter and humour and laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being.

Satinder, thank you so much for coming along and playing your part by participating and anything you'd like to say before we head off?

"I'd just to add that some of the F*** Up posts that we'd penned from the beginning of the evening and placed on a board were read out randomly and whose was the first to be read out, yes mine and they gave you a chance to admit it was your post or you could stay anonymous."

And did you plead the 5th and remain anonymous?

"Well I was embarrassed by what I had written, I'd made a mistake and now in a moment I had a choice to make and so up went my hand and yes I owned up to it! However the laughter in the room supported and uplifted me to think “Yeah I f*****d up but hey everyone got a laugh out of it and then a number of others had their posts read out and shared “I’ve done that too!” 

"I was comforted by that, the fact that I wasn't alone, we all shared something in common, that we had all made mistakes and so thank goodness I took the opportunity to attend and see you at the next F*** Up Night!!!"

In closing I'd personally like to thank all four speakers Angela Dave Martin and Melinda for opening up to their failures on the night and showing that it's OK to get stuff wrong. I'd like to thank an incredible on the night Fvck Up team that included Siri Isabella Ben Martin Taylor Emil Vicky Matt and Penny & Jack from our great pals at Heehaw