The Importance of Selecting the Right Mentors (and How to Do It)
I talk about mentors a lot. And one thing I’ve noticed when talking to others about mentors is that people always think about mentors in a single context -- a professional one.
But it’s important to realize that mentors aren’t just for your career. You should be seeking out mentors for every dimension of your life. Whatever it is you want to become -- a better wife, husband, athlete, artist -- look for mentors to help you and fast forward your learning. You don’t have to learn everything on your own.
So how do you choose a mentor for your personal, or professional life?
- Be aware of your biases: Be careful who you take your cues from. We all have a bias to be democratic with our attention and with who we listen to from an advice standpoint. But no matter what, you will naturally start to model and mimic those around you. Meaning that, if you’re trying to be a better husband or father, and are listening to your uncle or friend who has had three divorces or never had a successful relationship -- you’ll tend to take cues from that person as much as you would from someone who has actually modeled the behaviors you want to improve. People will push back on this. They’ll say, “Oh, no that person has really good advice, and some of it isn’t great -- but I only listen to the good stuff.” But it's been proven that you can’t do that. You can’t shut down your brain and non subconsciously absorb the bad with the good. So select mentors who are the best possible version of who you want to become -- even if it’s 10, 20, 30 years ahead of where you are now.
- Look for patterns: Obviously you need to look for mentors you instinctively like being around. But beyond that, find someone who has been able to accomplish what you want not just once, but repeatedly over time. People love the one hit wonder kind of story. The latest fad, the most popular person -- the person everyone is talking about right now. Skip those people. Find someone who has a history of being successful -- someone you aspire to be like.
- Don’t wait for perfect: There is no such thing as a perfect mentor. Everyone you consider a mentor, every human walking the planet, is highly flawed. But the reason you chose a mentor is for the specific quality you’re trying to repeat. They’re not going to be perfect in every other aspect of life. And that’s why you need multiple mentors -- not just one.
Lastly, once you choose your mentor, get comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations. Most of the great conversations I’ve had with my mentors felt really crappy at the time -- because they were usually telling me things that I didn’t want to hear. But in retrospect, they were right, and I needed to hear those things. That is how you grow.
Tune in to Seeking Wisdom to hear more on this topic.
-DC
Sales @ Postman
4 年The uncomfortable is so important. If the conversation is always easy are you really gaining anything? When you’re able to break through the uncomfortable, you’re more than likely bettering yourself in more ways than one.
Bachelor of Arts in Bible-Theology at International Correspondence Institute USA
4 年Hi David Cancel, thank you for your needful article on “Importance of selecting the Right Mentors”. Mentoring is as old as civilisation itself. It was mentioned in the Bible. Paul D. Stanley /J. Robert Clinton said this in their book named Connecting that “It took place among Old Testament prophets. Eli and Samuel, Elijah and Elisha and leaders Moses and Joshua and New Testament leaders Paul and Barnabas and Timothy”. I recalled one of my friends, Georgy Chan who posted an article on the same subject last year, he said “Behind every story of successful individuals stands a mentor because no one succeeds alone. These mentors can be our parents, siblings, teachers, bosses, peers, friends , etc. Bill Gates credits part of his success to Warren Buffet & BillCampbell mentored Steve Job’s who in turn mentored Mark Zuckerberg. Mentors don’t need to be omniscient , all they need is a willingness to share what they know. Like John C.Crosby says, mentoring is a brain to pick (consultant), an ear to listen (counselor) & a push in the right direction (cheerleader)”. Many fear coming forward to be a mentor because of the transparency in a relationship and feel that their vulnerability could be used against them or is a sign of weakness.
Communications and Public Speaking Coach, Business Story Strategist
4 年Great Drifters at work. Love the photo and message.
VP Portfolio Marketing @ PTC, ex Startup CMO (Exit), Tech Advisor, Rockstar ????
4 年Well said David Cancel. I’d be interested to learn more about how you approach the mentors you’ve identified, or how you did it in the past. Anything you can share?