The importance of seeking emotional support during divorce

Article published on Stowe Family Law blog in September 2024. Co-written with Paula Crowhurst.

According to the?Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale? , which measures the stress of different life events, divorce is the second most stressful life event after the death of a spouse. It marks the end of a significant relationship and can bring a whirlwind of emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief.

Divorce impacts all aspects of your life, from social circles to professional performance to financial stability. It is no surprise, therefore, that many divorcing individuals find themselves seeking emotional support during this challenging period. Such support can be found in a variety of places, such as friends and family, social media, professional support and support groups. With each option having its pros and cons, choosing the right type of support based on your needs and budget can make a substantial difference in the healing process.

Friends and Family

Friends and family are often the first line of support for many going through a divorce. Their familiarity and close connection can provide a comforting presence and a listening ear. They offer unconditional support and can be a reliable source of practical help, such as looking after children or assisting with everyday tasks.

Pros:

• Immediate availability and accessibility, providing a safety net
• Emotional investment in your well-being
• They know you (and your spouse) particularly well and understand your personal situation.

Cons:

• Emotional bias can sometimes lead to less objective advice which can be negative and harmful exacerbating the emotional challenges of divorce
• They might be too close to the situation, leading to heightened emotions or conflict
• Their advice may sometimes stem from their experiences rather than your unique situation
• You may want to keep your divorce private until it is finalized, or simply not put your friends and family in the middle of your disagreements with your ex.

Social Media and Facebook Groups

In today’s digital age, social media groups dedicated to supporting individuals through divorce are easily accessible. These groups offer a sense of community and can provide valuable advice and shared experiences from people who have gone through similar situations. While social media groups can offer a sense of community and immediate advice, they should be approached with caution. The unregulated nature of these platforms means that not all advice will be beneficial, and there is a risk of encountering negative or harmful interactions. Privacy concerns are also paramount, as sharing personal details on public or semi-public forums can lead to unintended consequences, such as posts being used against you in court. It is essential to balance social media engagement with more reliable support forms, such as professional therapy or coaching, or structured support groups.

Pros:

• Anonymity can encourage openness
• Diverse perspectives, insights and experiences
• Available 24/7.

Cons:

• Risk of receiving unqualified or harmful advice from people who do not understand your situation
• Potential for exposure to negativity or unhealthy comparisons
• Can become echo chambers where only similar view points are shared, limiting exposure to various perspectives and solutions
• Privacy concerns and the potential for personal information to be shared inappropriately, found by your ex or your children, or even used against you as evidence in court.

Therapy or Divorce Coaching

Engaging with a licensed therapist or qualified Divorce Coach can be one of the most effective ways to navigate the emotional complexities of divorce.

Therapy typically focuses on past traumas and experiences, and coaching takes a future and objective-focused approach. However, both types of professionals are trained to provide objective, professional guidance and support, helping you process your emotions healthily.

Pros:

• Professional, unbiased support
• Confidentiality assured
• Access to proven therapeutic and skill-building techniques
• Divorce coaches complement other professionals such as lawyers and financial advisers to provide a well-rounded support system.

Cons:

• Can be expensive and time-consuming
• May require time to build trust and rapport
• Need to ensure you select the right therapist or coach based on your objectives, your personal situation and affinities.

Support Groups

Support groups, whether in-person or online, offer a structured environment where individuals going through divorce can share their experiences and feelings. These groups are often led by a professional facilitator and provide a balanced mix of peer support and professional guidance from people who understand what you are going through and can share relevant experiences. Support groups particularly stand out for their low-cost, professional, and community-based approach.

Pros:

• Safe, structured environment
• Facilitated by professionals
• Opportunities to form new friendships and support networks
• Access to shared resources and coping strategies
• Provide structure and motivate individuals to continue working on their personal growth and recovery
• Removes some of the loneliness of divorce in knowing that other people are experiencing or have experienced similar challenges
• Low cost alternative to individual therapy

Cons:

• May require a time commitment
• Comfort levels can vary depending on the group’s dynamics
• Availability might be limited in some areas

Support groups stand out due to their structured approach and the balance of professional facilitation with peer support. They offer a safe space to express emotions and learn from others’ experiences, which can be incredibly empowering during such a tumultuous time. Additionally, the collective wisdom and shared experiences can provide a sense of solidarity and hope. This can be a significant factor in helping to alleviate the loneliness that usually comes with divorce, whether it is because you aren’t telling people about it just yet or because it feels like your inner circle doesn’t understand what you are going through.

Conclusion

Navigating the emotional landscape of divorce is challenging, but with the right support, it becomes more manageable. It is therefore crucial to seek out and utilise appropriate support systems. Friends and family, social media groups, therapists, divorce coaches and support groups each offer unique benefits. Regardless of the chosen support form, the critical takeaway is that you do not need to go through divorce alone. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness, but an act of strength and self-preservation.

Authors

Chloe O. and Paula Crowhurst are both qualified Divorce Coaches each with extensive experience supporting individuals through the emotional and practical journey of divorce. They are partner coaches with Stowe Family Law. You can find out more about our partner divorce coaches here .

They have created The Divorce Circle , several online support groups allowing individuals who are going through relationship breakdown to join a community of peers together with a professional Divorce Coach. Alongside the expert guidance from Paula and Chloe, individuals will benefit from the emotional support of people going through similar life-changing events.