Importance of saying no

No is a full sentence. I use it and use it often.

One thing I vowed to do in 2024, was say no. And I’ve been practicing….A LOT. It feels amazing. My time and my life is my own. I’m the only one that can decide what happens within it.

I grew up thinking that I couldn’t say no. I didn’t have a say in the things my parents forced me to do. I was more so told I needed to do something and that it needed to be done right that minute. I didn’t want anyone to be upset with me and I definitely didn’t want to get in trouble.

So I would say yes.

To everything.

Yes to another AP Class, yes to another club meeting, yes to another leadership position, yes to a task that shouldn’t be assigned to me, yes to feedback I did not ask for, and an of course I’ll take more hours even though I’m falling behind in my classes to top it all off.?

My people-pleasing started early, and I was overcommitting myself for much too long. In 2023 though, I began to learn how to say no. My therapist is largely to thank for that because she taught me to set boundaries (finally). She also gave me the tools to figure out who I am. What do I value and what are my values? What do I want my life to look like? How can I spend my time and my life doing what I value? Thinking and reflecting on this made me realize that I should not spend my life doing things I don’t want to do. I want to spend my life living up to my values.?

Living up to my values means sometimes I have to say no to fun things to study or train. It means that I have to be selective with what I do get to do. I love concerts and traveling, but I can’t say yes to every concert or every travel opportunity. I have to pick and choose, and it is okay to pick one thing and say no to another.

It’s okay to say no.

Living up to my values means finding a balance between work, life, school, and fun. And that also means I get to say no to things.?

Now you might be thinking, what about FOMO? That’s what used to keep me from saying no. But, FOMO isn’t real. If you’re choosing to do something that aligns with what you want, then you’re not missing out on anything. Do I wish I didn’t have to study all day for a midterm (which is what I did before writing this newsletter)? Yes, of course! But, I’m getting my master’s degree because I value education so what am I missing out on? I’m living up to my values and showing up for myself. That’s what I really don’t want to miss.?

What are you going to start saying no to??

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