The Importance of Retrieving the Fragmented Parts of Ourselves

We fragment. It's like what people would say when at 24, I lost my first husband in a car accident. I remember one of the questions that somebody asked me was, “How did you possibly get through that?”

We have everything we need in this human design to navigate the terrain that we're here to live through. But there are ways that this human can handle certain traumas. And we fragment, so a part of ourselves that went through the trauma gets separated and goes into almost a dormant state.

When I was led through my own healing journey, I had a beautiful energy guide who worked through me, and we were doing soul retrieval together. There were times where, in the middle of the day, I was led to go and find another part of myself.

When I would get there, this part of myself had been so debilitated in fear. Well, the essence of me was operating with that vibrational frequency of fear. I had to bring her back in, that part of myself, that little girl part of myself—or however you choose to see it—and integrate her back into the fullness of me and then do the healing work around fear.

I have a beautiful healing meditation up on my website called Healing Shame and Healing Fear.

Shame is something that definitely lives in the shadow. It's one of the lowest vibrational energies. There are so many ways that shame presents itself, and we fragment because of it.

I just remember my son did something in school this year. He was being a nine-year-old boy, and he was goofing off with a friend. They were writing notes to each other. The teacher caught them, and she shamed both of them. It was traumatizing for him.

I used it as a leaping-off point to really dive into looking at the truth of who he is and the love that he is. But it woke me up to all the ways that shame had really presented itself to us.

I share all this for $7, I keep these healing videos. They’re very inexpensive because I want people to use them, as I know the power they have to integrate these fragmented parts of ourselves. It's the only way that we can close the back door—by shining a light into the shadows and calling back home these fragmented aspects of ourselves.

The narcissist is so intuitive, highly psychic. They can find that open back door without you even knowing it.

Why do I call it a back door? Because you don't even know somebody's entered into you, and they're stealing all your goods out of the refrigerator of your heart and soul. That's how cunning, manipulative, and secretive they are.

Like I will always say, “An honest person will never understand the nature of a dishonest person because it's not who they are.” So you'll never really be able to fully understand it. You can educate yourself on what it is, but I don't suggest spending that much time there.

To me, I just think if we do our own work and really integrate our shadow, calling in all those parts of ourselves, we immune ourselves from the narcissist.

They actually just drop off that side of the planet and off your reality. You don't play with them any longer. It really is and can be a beautiful journey.

Now, I will also say that if you are in alignment with one of these relationships, when you're in them, they have their own elements of deceptive behavior. I call them Decepticons—if you have ever watched any of the Transformer movies.

They're Decepticons. They show up charismatic. They could put on any face. They could be anywhere in your reality, and you don't even know it. But underneath the surface is this Decepticon, so they play with your head. They play with your mind. They play with your back door. They'll move keys. They'll hide things. There are various forms of gaslighting that they do.

I just did a Facebook Live about intermittent reinforcement. There was a study done on lab mice where they put food out and then take it away, put food out and take it away. They create a pattern, and they watch the behavior of the mice.

What was significant in that study is they started to change the pattern. The minute the pattern changed, something happened within the mice's brain that created almost like an addictive behavior, where they became obsessed with the food.

Well, that's how the narcissist actually operates in your back door. They move things around. They change the pattern. And it creates kind of a firing system within your own brain that you get more connected to the relationship. It makes it harder for you to walk away. That's why so many people say, “I can't believe that I was in this kind of relationship.”

Anyway, we're going to continue to expand this conversation. We're going to dive in deep.

This was something that was an impromptu today to bring this out. Let's just continue to have these conversations. We'll dive in further detail.

However, the thing that I want you to take away is that it's okay. These relationships are here to empower you into the fullness of Who You Are.

Our human gets resistant, and we don't actually like to do the work, so we distract ourselves. Yet, our power lies in shining a light into the shadow and integrating our shadow aspects of ourselves.