The Importance of a Name...

Years ago, I had the privilege of sourcing, recruiting and supporting the hire of one of the most brightest engineers I've had the pleasure to meet and work with. Her name was Paarijata (I'm changing this slightly to protect her privacy, but I imagine you may know who you are). Paarijata and I kicked off our initial phone interview with the typical introductions and greetings. "Hi, this is Christa, thanks again for your time today and consideration about XYZ opportunity. Could I trouble you to help me learn your name- I don't want to mispronounce it". Paarijata replied, "you can just call me PJ". I said, "Oh - is that what your friends and family call you?" She laughed a little and said, "No it's just easier for people". I said, "Well, if you prefer, I'd really like to call you by your name - is it Paarijata (insert me pronouncing it "pear-ah-jah-tah"). She was appreciative and said, "Wow you got it right or very close". And then helped me get it perfected within a second.

Fun fact: Paarijata was her grandmother's name and her grandmother's grandmother's name. It means something to her.

We continued on with the interview and a wonderful dialogue. She did an amazing job of catching me up to speed on her career path, accomplishments, recognition, interests, and we decided the role, the team, the opportunity was a potential mutual fit. As we closed this first conversation, Paarijata offered the most wonderful comment: "Christa, this is the first time anyone (recruiter/interviewer) has asked me what my friends/family call me. The fact that you wanted to learn my proper name really means something - thank you!"

Frankly, this wasn't the first time I've had this interaction with someone and their name. Growing up and raised by my amazing Grandmother who taught English (voluntarily) to immigrants (a daughter of immigrants herself) and new green card holders, among a million other selfless acts that make her shoes terribly hard to fill, she always taught me how and why valuing someone and offering "open arms" and a sense of belonging was one of the greatest gifts to share with every other human. So I already had it in my DNA I guess to behave this way.

The part where this lovely kick-off takes a less consistent turn, is that once Paarijata was hired I feel like I spent a good portion of my time ever so gently helping the hiring team, stakeholders and manager to remember to actually use and learn Paarijata's name. Props to the hiring manager, an inclusion champion himself, he picked it up right away and appreciated my previous approach to how I learned and confirmed it. But shortly after Paarijata's start, I noticed emails where others would start the email "Hi PJ...".

Another nice lesson my Grandmother taught me was to "know no stranger". This habit of mine to build relationships with nearly everyone I meet both annoys and embarasses my teenagers but I can't help but always be interested in others, their lives, their goals, and dreams. It comes with the lifeline career in Recruiting and Coaching I guess. I did follow up with Paarijata at coffee one day. The "how's the new job going" check in and I asked, given we had a nice friendship started, why some teammates had started to call her PJ. And she replied with some interesting lessons I sometimes forget as someone who is not a POC or BIPOC, that "PJ" has been a way for her to navigate careers searches, professional relationships and even her education in America to avoid any unconscious or conscious bias. I do learn something new every day and sometimes I am reminded or learn more of the same every day.

I told Paarijata - "well I'M going to continue to call you Paarijata!!" And she responded, "That's because it's what my friends/family call me and YOU are my friend now!"

The purpose of my story today, is that I do see progress amongst my peers. And I do see us making the way so that more Paarijatas can own and ask to have others use their "real name" and they themselves can have it on a resume, a profile, their name tag. It means something - it's not something small like when Starbucks calls me for my order with a silly miss of: "Christy, Crystal, Chris...or my favorite Trisket?!" It's about building trust, a bond, rapport and a relationship with your teammates and friends. It's about respect and kindness...and learning. If we aren't learning, we aren't growing. And again, as Grandma says, "if you aren't growing, you're dying".

And look - I'm in no way an expert. I am a lifelong learner. An advocate and champion of DEI... I hope. But I do know, that what or when I don't know, I humbly ASK.

So as we enter to what I hope for all is a kinder 2021 ~ let's recognize small steps of progress. Continue to support one another on this journey of growth. And be sure to walk the walk on valuing others. You know who benefits from this? YOU! All of us. And isn't the end goal to be better...together?!

What are your thoughts on this? What lessons have you learned in similar situations? Are you someone that has "changed" your name to accommodate others? What other advice/feedback do you have for me as I continue to be an ally and advocate of inclusion?

Stay well and thanks for listening.

#dei #diversity #inclusion #equityequality #recruiting #leadershipdevelopment #itsallinaname #kindness #helpingothers #learning #hrleaders #recruitment