The Importance and Keys to Productive Self-Talk

Researchers conducting a study asked humans and monkeys to perform a series of random tasks. To limit their ability to talk to themselves, some of the humans were asked to repeat the words “blah, blah, blah” while performing the tasks.

The humans who performed the tasks without repeating “blah, blah, blah” demonstrated all the working memory you’d expect in an evolved species. However, the researchers discovered something fascinating about the other group of humans. When they repeated “blah, blah, blah” while performing the task, their memory and ability to organize the tasks were no different than the monkeys. Put another way, without the ability to talk to themselves, these humans performed on par with monkeys.

Professional athletes and other top performers don’t need to see these research results to validate this fact:

Talking to ourselves helps us manage ourselves.

Reminding Ourselves What’s True

Humans have known since ancient history that self-talk is important for mental health and good decision-making.

For example, the ancient psalmist repeats :

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God.

Notice how the psalmist speaks to “my soul” as if encouraging a third person.

It’s different from how most people think about fear, for example, which usually sounds more like:

I’m really scared. I’m overwhelmed. What if I fail?

Perhaps the psalmist knows something about the psychology of self-talk.

Research has shown that when people make honest acknowledgments to themselves and remind themselves of important truths — and do so in the third person — they are better able to regulate their own emotions.

It’s a way of providing some distance from your feelings, which helps to minimize over-identification with them.

How to Do Self-Talk Well

Talking to yourself can get weird or unproductive if not done well. Here are nine ideas to ensure effective self-talk:

1. Frame your self-talk in a positive way. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do or what went wrong, focus on what you can do and what you’ve achieved. For instance, you might say, “You fought hard for that and showed a lot of resilience, even though you lost.”
2. Use encouraging language to motivate yourself. Speak to yourself as you would to a friend, offering support and motivation.
3. Be realistic in your self-talk. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, but also recognize that setbacks are a normal part of life.
4. Incorporate positive affirmations into your self-talk routine. Repeat phrases that affirm key truths, remind you of your values and reinforce your goals. For example, every morning I repeat things while I walk my dog like , “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
5. Visualize success and use imagery in your self-talk. Imagine yourself achieving your goals and performing at your best.
6. Instead of dwelling on problems, focus on finding solutions. Use your self-talk to brainstorm ideas and strategies for overcoming challenges. You might say to yourself, “Self, let’s shift from ruminating to coming up with possible solutions, along with the pros and cons of those solutions.”
7. Be mindful of your self-talk and its impact on your thoughts and emotions. Notice when negative self-talk arises and actively work to reframe it in a more positive light.
8. Practice positive self-talk consistently. Make it a habit to monitor your internal dialogue and consciously choose to speak to yourself in a supportive and empowering way.

Monkeys are great, but you can be so much more than a monkey. Talk to yourself and do it well.

How could you incorporate self-talk in a more productive way?

Improve how you influence people. Pre-order my new book Lead with Influence to become a better communicator and gain buy-in from others. Don’t “tell” people what they should think or do. Improve your ability to “sell” them on the value of doing it.

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About the Author. Matt Norman coaches and advises executives on how to build great people and culture. He is president and CEO of Norman & Associates, which offers custom coaching and consulting in the areas of talent strategy, personal effectiveness, planning, and goal alignment to help people improve how they communicate, lead, influence, and work together. He’s also the award-winning author of Four Patterns of Healthy People .

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