The importance of giving attention

Below is the transcript of a "Thought For The Day" talk my Mum, Rev Canon Judith Pollinger gave at St Endellion Church on Monday 15 April, the start of Holy Week at Easter, when the Easter Music Festival takes place.

Of course I might be a little biased ?? but there's a great story illustrating some excellent messages here. Anyway, I'll let you make your own mind up.

Thought for the Day

St Endellion Church

Now, do I have your total and undivided attention? Unlikely, I know! After all it is Monday morning and the weather is terrible - you’ve probably not been up long, and many of you are here ready to begin rehearsing, while first having to listen to me giving a thought for the day! 

But here goes! I was 17 and in my first job as a local newspaper reporter. It maybe to hard to believe now, but I was excruciatingly shy.

I enjoyed writing, but meeting people, especially anyone I didn’t know, and, even worse, having to ask them questions, terrified me. I’d not been on the paper long, when I was sent to interview the local Medical Officer of Health. He’d been doing some research and had discovered a link between eating lettuce and developing cancer. The Editor told me reporters from regional and the national newspapers had been trying to get him to talk about it, but without success.

Filled with apprehension, I reluctantly set off the local Council Offices. I was very far from being a Laura Kuenssberg, and I hadn’t the faintest idea what to ask. In fact, I fervently hoped he’d refuse to see me. But, no, I arrived, was invited in and sat down opposite him - I muttered something about wanting to know about his research and then waited. Time elapsed and he said nothing - more time passed and still nothing. Inwardly, I was squirming with embarrassment at my failure and wondering what on earth the Editor would say when I returned. 

But then, he began to talk and I began to take notes. He spoke at some length about his research and what he hoped to achieve, and eventually he stopped and showed me out.

A week or two that later, the Editor told me he’d asked him, how I’d managed to get him to talk when none of the other reporters had succeeded.

He said it was because I’d given him my whole attention, and just waited and listened.

Of course, I’d done so because I was so nervous, but that day, I began to understand something of the importance of listening, and above all, of giving attention - a lesson I’ve needed to remember many times since - and never more so than recently with the increasing use of social media and the proliferation of gadgets.

Now, don’t get me wrong! My son’s a Social Media Trainer and I use Facebook, Facetime Twitter, WhatsApp etc. I send emails and texts and play computer games including Scrabble with a couple of members of this Festival - my iPad and iPhone are never far away.

But, along with an increasing number of people, many of them experts,  I’m becoming more and more aware of the addictive nature of these things, and concerned about their effect on health and wellbeing - in particular mental, emotional and spiritual well-being and health, my own and that of others - especially children’s.

Just a few days ago it was reported that psychiatrists were becoming alarmed that children’s mental health was being affected , not only by the content of some social media, but by its over use. Yes, I know there are other experts telling us they do no harm, but I’m not convinced.

Apparently, some scientists have even invented a game to help people give attention to their work, to aid them in concentrating for the long periods of time needed to carry out their tasks. 

From early morning to late at night, we’re checking our gadgets and looking at our screens; we glance at headlines, listen to snatches of news, flick from TV channel to TV channel, and skim read - often with music, to which we’re not really listening, being played in the background. As well as experiencing information overload, we’re also suffering from what my son tells me is a newly recognised condition labelled FOMO. F.O.M.O. Fear of Missing Out.

And one of the serious consequences of all this is that we begin to stop really listening, focussing and paying attention. We find it more and more difficult to be where we are, and to be with those near us. We surround ourselves with devices for not seeing what is actually in front of us. We looks at screens instead.  Children have their own televisions and computers in their bedrooms. In cafés and restaurants, I’ve seen, as I’m sure you have, couples and sometimes whole families not talking to each other, but absorbed in looking at their screens. 

I call someone, and I can hear them in the background tapping away on their keyboard, as they’re talking to me. I often get in touch by phone with an old and dear friend, and while we’re talking, I can hear crockery or cutlery being moved, as she continues to prepare supper, or fill or empty the dishwasher. And oh yes, I’ve done it myself!

But when we’re distracted; when we only half listen, when we fail to concentrate on the other person, it affects our relationship.

How do I feel when someone isn’t really listening to me and paying attention? I feel diminished, undervalued - that they don’t really care about me - that what I’m saying isn’t important.

And listening and giving attention is not only important in our relationships with others, but also in our life in the world, in our work and I would say in our spiritual lives.

As a Christian and a priest, I believe I’m in relation to God and to the presence of God in the world, which God has created, but you don’t need to be a person of faith to understand the importance of  giving attention. The many courses on mindfulness and meditation - not necessarily religious - tell us that.

Unfortunately, ‘Religion’ has got a bad name. But what is a religious person? Former Dean of St Paul’s Michael Mayne defines one as, ‘someone who is spiritually aware; who is prepared to give attention to the world, to its people and to its creator in order to love them.’ The ‘lig’ part of the words ‘Religion’ and ‘religious’ come from a Greek word ‘alego’ meaning - to pay attention or to give care.

I’ve a friend who’s a real example of being able to do this. I know it from the many marvellous photos she takes of so called ‘ordinary’ things, which most of us, including me, would pass by without a thought. A leaf, a dandelion clock, a snail shell; an insect’s wing; as she walks around she’s always ready to see the extraordinary in the ordinary - to give close attention to what is around her.

I think, too, of Thomas Hardy that acute watcher of nature and natural life. In his poem 'Afterwards,’ he records closely observed details of familiar local creatures and scenes, and then imagines, that after his death, one of the significant  things people might say about him, was that ‘he was a man who used to notice such things.’ By noticing, by giving attention, by taking a genuine interest, we receive so much and are able to give so much to others.  

And in order to do this, we need to be less easily distracted; to pause and be still. 

Pierre de Caussade, an 18th century French priest, wrote of the importance of what he called ‘the sacrament of the present moment.’ The importance of giving attention to the moment that is now. For Christians, this will include prayer and meditation; consciously giving our attention to God; placing ourselves in God’s loving presence, whether in church or outside -but I think that stillness and attentiveness are of value to everyone, and will help give us - a better way of seeing, being and loving.

So next time you do have a few moments to yourself, instead of checking your phone or iPad take time to be still, to listen , and to give your whole attention to the moment that is now.