The Importance of Effective Feedback Delivery

Many of us have grown up with the belief that the truth must be accepted in whatever form it is presented. We’ve been conditioned to equate harshness or bluntness with honesty, to the point where feedback that isn’t laced with criticism or negativity can seem less effective or less sincere. This mindset has shaped not only how we receive feedback but also how we give it, often perpetuating a cycle of communication that can be unnecessarily harsh.

I recently realized how deeply ingrained this conditioning is, not just in me but in many people I know. We don’t just accept this way of communicating—we pass it on. In our roles as leaders, parents, or mentors, we often replicate the same patterns of feedback delivery that we were exposed to. The consequence is a culture where straightforward, empathetic communication can seem surprising, even disarming. When we encounter feedback delivered with kindness and understanding, it catches us off guard. It’s not that we doubt the truth in the feedback, but rather, we’re not used to receiving it in a way that doesn’t trigger our defenses.

This realization has made me question the impact of our approach to delivering the truth, especially in leadership roles. It’s easy to justify a blunt style by pointing to the results it achieves—if the job gets done, then the method must be effective, right? However, we should ask ourselves whether the short-term gains we achieve with such an approach might come at a longer-term cost. Could we be causing damage to relationships, morale, or self-esteem that could have been avoided with a more thoughtful approach?

The way we give and receive feedback is largely influenced by our conditioning. For many, feedback is expected to be harsh because that’s how we’ve been trained to associate it with seriousness or urgency. Yet, this isn't a universal standard. Different cultures, families, and organizations have various norms for feedback delivery. Some emphasize directness, while others prioritize sensitivity.

When we encounter leaders who haven’t been trained in delivering feedback with empathy, it isn’t necessarily an indication of their character or capability. It may simply reflect the feedback culture they were exposed to and have continued to replicate. The phrase "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" doesn’t apply here. Learning to give feedback effectively is more about unlearning old habits and adopting new ones than it is about age or experience. The ability to change and grow, even in our communication style, is always within reach.

If the goal of giving feedback is truly to improve the recipient's performance or behaviour, then the manner in which it’s delivered is of critical importance. Feedback should be constructive and aimed at fostering growth rather than merely pointing out flaws. The impact of a message depends not only on its content but also on how it is conveyed.

A piece of feedback can be factual and accurate, but if delivered harshly, it can evoke a defensive reaction rather than a desire to improve. In contrast, feedback that is delivered with empathy and a genuine intent to support can motivate the recipient to take action and grow. This doesn’t mean that feedback should be sugar-coated or that difficult truths should be avoided. It means that even when feedback is challenging, it can still be communicated in a way that respects the person receiving it.

For instance, consider a scenario where an employee’s performance is below expectations. There are different ways to approach this. One approach could be to say, "Your work is inadequate, and you need to step up immediately." While this may convey the urgency of the situation, it may also create a sense of shame or demotivation. Alternatively, stating, "I’ve noticed some areas where we can improve, and I’d like to work with you on finding ways to address these challenges," keeps the message clear but also adds a supportive element. It shifts the conversation from criticism to collaboration.

As leaders, we should regularly reflect on how our feedback is perceived and whether it’s achieving the desired outcomes. If the current approach seems effective in terms of results, it’s still worth considering whether there might be room for improvement. The results we see on the surface may not tell the whole story. While a blunt approach might yield immediate compliance, it could also create underlying issues such as resentment, reduced engagement, or stress.

There is always room for growth, both for us and the people we are providing feedback to. The key is to remain open to adding a layer of empathy to our feedback. This does not mean compromising on honesty or avoiding tough conversations. Rather, it means delivering the message in a way that encourages the recipient to reflect and act without feeling attacked. For example, sharing constructive feedback with phrases like, "I noticed this, and I’d like to discuss how we can address it together," emphasizes partnership and shared responsibility.

Applying empathy to feedback can significantly enhance a leader’s effectiveness. It creates a culture of trust and openness, where people feel safe to share ideas, admit mistakes, and seek help without fear of harsh judgment. Leaders who incorporate empathy into their feedback are more likely to foster a work environment where individuals feel valued and motivated to improve. This approach also models the kind of behavior that encourages others to communicate with empathy, creating a ripple effect throughout the organization.

Empathy doesn’t dilute the truth; it enhances its acceptance. It’s not about sparing feelings at the cost of honesty but about ensuring that the truth serves its intended purpose—to help, inform, and improve. For leaders, the goal is not just to be heard but to be understood. It’s about balancing directness with compassion to achieve long-term, sustainable improvement rather than just short-term compliance.

The idea isn’t to replace directness with excessive diplomacy or to avoid difficult conversations. There will always be times when feedback is hard to hear, and that’s okay. The objective is to find a balance between honesty and kindness. It’s about recognizing that how we say something can be just as important as what we say. Being honest doesn’t mean being harsh, and being kind doesn’t mean being dishonest.

As we refine our approach to giving feedback, we need to continually assess its effectiveness, not just by the immediate outcomes but also by the long-term growth it fosters in the people we lead. Are we building resilient teams that can handle constructive criticism and still stay motivated? Are we encouraging a culture where feedback is welcomed as an opportunity for growth rather than feared as a source of shame?

Let’s challenge the conditioning that equates harshness with honesty and open ourselves up to a new approach—one that prioritizes empathy without compromising on truth. As we practice delivering feedback with care, we set a standard for others to follow, making us better leaders and creating stronger, more resilient teams. There is always room for improvement, and incorporating empathy into our feedback processes can be a significant step toward becoming more effective and impactful communicators.

The delivery of truth should not be a source of harm, but rather a tool for growth and positive change.

Simon Sinek's The Optimism Company