The Importance of Dignity at the End

As HR professionals, we spend a large percentage of our energy on how we acquire, develop, and retain our employees. One might argue that these are the cornerstones of our trade. That said, there is something that often receives little attention in organizations, and that is the departure of an employee. This is part of the natural life cycle of employees, and deserves thoughtful and careful consideration. The severing of the formal relationship between employee and employer can be the inception of a healthy and positive legacy for both parties, or adversely, the onset of something dire.

When separating someone, it is a good general rule to "take the high road." This is an oft-repeated colloquialism, even recently highlighted by the former First Lady, Michelle Obama. She challenged us that when "they go low, we go high." The reason this phrase is so commonly used may be that it is very simple but highly useful (yet admittedly sometimes hard to display). Occasionally, when we are separating an employee, it might be a relief (or even possibly a joyous moment!). If the person was challenging, even until the end, it might feel warranted to use that last opportunity to let them know you are not upset about his or her departure. Conversely, it might be that the employee was important to the organization and you feel angry or hurt about the separation. However, take the opportunity to be kind and considerate to the person as they are leaving, no matter how you personally feel. There is a multitude of reasons for it and tactics to achieve it, some of which are listed below.

• Risk Mitigation - As a Human Resources professional, when we are separating someone, we have one of the last opportunities to mitigate risk. People do not often sue employers that they felt positively about. When a person feels respected and cared about, it makes it difficult for them to be hostile later. Even when we are frustrated by an individual or his/her behavior, do your best to treat them with dignity, be empathetic, and try to allow them some choice in the situation, even if it is something simple. People want to maintain their sense of worth and to have some control of their circumstances.
• The Company Brand - Give some consideration to what the person will say about your company once he/she departs. Some communities and industries are well connected, and if someone held in high regard by their peers departs disgruntled, it can be damaging to the company brand. If you can help the person feel like they left on good terms, you may turn a potential adversary into a company advocate.
• Your Personal Network - Like the company brand, consider that this person is likely going to be employed elsewhere in your community and has the opportunity to impact your professional connections. Especially in tightly woven fields, a person that you are separating may one day influence your own likelihood of getting a role that you want at future employer.
• Make a connection - Most employers conduct some form of exit interview or survey. Rather than just going through the motions, take this last opportunity to influence this person in a positive way. This is another opportunity to mitigate risk, influence your brand, and potentially gain insightful knowledge about your employee population. Be genuine, ask questions of them, and recap what they say. You may be pleasantly surprised that when you are mindful about this interaction, it can be quite valuable.
• Be compassionate - Transitioning in your career (voluntarily or involuntarily) is a stressful event. That said, we already know this person will be dealing with this anxiety. What we do not know is what other things may be going on in this person's life. This person could be having personal issues as well (divorce, finances, depression, etc.). Socrates said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Keep that in mind when you are separating someone and it may help you stay empathetic.
• Abandon your ego - So many of the difficulties that arise from the separation event stem from our needs to insulate our ego. It is easy to fall into traps where we want to show the person that we are better off without him/her, that the departure will not be detrimental, that we are indifferent, or that we are glad to be done with the relationship. As difficult as it may be, I would encourage you to remember to remove yourself and your history with the person from the equation when separating someone. When we do this, we are more likely to be able to handle the situation logically, and the removal of our own emotion can allow one to feel lighter once the interaction is complete. In doing so, we are then more able to reflect on it positively and know that the situation was diffused, as opposed to being escalated.

The considerations listed above may be easier to ponder than to implement, especially in situations where emotions are high or there is a long history. However, with patience and practice, anyone forced to separate an employee will find that these approaches will make the transition easier for all involved. Separations are often complex, but with a little bit of care and intention, everyone can part ways maintaining that all-important thing that we all want to preserve - our dignity.