The importance of creating (and actually using!) group agreements

When it comes to gathering structure, I am a firm believe in the power of group agreements (also known as group norms or ground rules) which serve as a shared understanding between gathering attendees as to how they want to show up and interact during their time together.

My usual starting place is the four agreements from Glenn Singleton who has written a book on courageous conversations (especially related to race) as follows:

• Stay engaged: an important reminder to take care of yourself to ensure that you can show up emotionally/physically/mentally (this can encompass technology usage (or hopefully lack thereof!), encouraging bio breaks as needed, etc)
• Experience discomfort: I like to rephrase this to, ‘embrace discomfort’ as we intentionally stretch beyond our comfort zone into our learning zone (while being aware of maintaining psychological safety and ensuring attendees don’t go into their ‘danger zone’)
• Speak your truth: a valuable reminder to share your experience and not what you think others may want to hear.
• Expect and accept non-closure: acknowledge the nuance and uncertainty and that the work likely won’t be ‘tied up in a bow’ at the conclusion of a gathering.

Some of my other favorites:

• Stand up, stand back (also known as make space/take space): encourages folx who are quieter to take up more space and for those who aren’t afraid to take space (ahem, yours truly, dear reader), to step back a bit so others might share.
• Co-create a brave space: let’s go beyond a safe space (which we want as well!) to a brave space where we each speak our truth and are vulnerable
• Stories stay, learnings leave: ensuring confidentiality

Another group agreement item of note, especially when working with youth (or a longer engagement with adults): I like to start with a blank slate to make group norming a more collaborative experience. This also makes it a LOT easier for step #2 of the norming process which is adhering to agreed upon group agreements.

It’s one thing to create agreements, it’s another thing entirely to actually use them and that’s where their power lies: when agreements are not being upheld, it is your responsibility as facilitator to name it in the hope of generating a reset. Group agreements are a powerful ‘call back’ when your gathering is getting off-track.

Community wisdom request:

What group norms have you incorporated into a gathering you’ve hosted? How’d it go? Share in the comments.?

Need help?

Want thought partnership on grup norms for an upcoming gathering? Give me a shout— I’d love to connect and discuss!