The Importance of Connection

I was listening an interview on friendship and started to write an article about friendship and this was sitting in my draft but didn't get published, the last time I put pen to paper for this was in March.

A few months ago I spent a few days 4wding and hanging with mates and my son Riley (15) camping in the bush.

We had uneven numbers so I encouraged my son to jump in with a mate, the reality I know and struggle with there are things that he needs to communicate and get a voice on that is not mine. The biggest challenge with this is not asking my mate about what they spoke about.

The reality of this for me was driving by myself which was a combination of The Tim Ferriss Podcast, silence and Steve Biddulph's book The New Manhood for 6 hours with a few stops in between, I had plenty of time for thinking, about life, friendships and parenthood. This piece of writing covers some of those thoughts.

Firstly, The New Manhood was written in 2019 and was 20 years of work. The scary thing for me was hearing the suicide statistics which have increased by 50% in 5 years. That is a scary trend for men.

In a world where we are more connected than ever through technology, but in reality, we are more isolated than ever. We know isolation poses a significant threat to our mental health, underscoring the critical importance of genuine human connections.

The past few years have seen unprecedented changes in how we live, work, and connect. Workplaces have been swapped for home offices and teams or zoom meeting. Back when I was in construction one of my favourite things to do was get in the car with Steve (Not his real name) and head to Brumby's bakery and get a family custard and almond scroll while talking about cars or pushbike adventures followed by a conversation about the custard to pastry ratio.

I think about Steve often, when we worked together, we did a lot together, our families holidayed, we worked on cars on the weekend, We were invited to family events birthdays, at the time he was my best mate. I left that job and we spoke on the phone and got together semi-regularly and still did the family gathering thing together.

Things fell apart when I was diagnosed with PTSD. Over a message with his wife, She made a comment we organised the last 3 gatherings. The truth was I didn't have the capacity to organise anything outside of the basics of life at that time and that was the last time I spoke with them, it's been years of time that has passed, maybe one day we will reconnect.

After a workplace accident. I lost all of my friends except one who is still a friend but it is through a business arrangement rather a friendship that has expanded beyond those dynamics. We all experienced moving on from a job and losing connection to those people, I didn't go to another job.

I also have held this story that I only have one friend at a time. Which a good friend laughed at me when I said this to him, pointing out all the friendships that I do have.

The thing that saved my life and allowed me to build friendships was cycling, I managed to transition a few of these bike-riding mates into true friendships. There were also plenty that fell away, aquaintances is how I define these. If I run into them we shake hands and ask how's life?

On site, when we talk about mental health and one thing people want to change this conversation of staying connected to mates is a one of the most common. I see men step into courage and ask how they improve their friendship with their mates.

To use a bike analogy it is time in the saddle, Bike riding while a solo sport, it is also a good activity for connecting with mate - Alcohol is not involved and you get time to go a bit deeper than how was your week. The two blokes that I knock around were men who just listened to me and over time we connected over other things, for one it was hanging with his dog at the beach and bush adventures, the other we bonded over faith, family, 4wding adventure and owning the same bike.

The relationship with Steve stopped because we both stopped trying, I have a heavy heart when I see men post in men's groups online, "I stopped communicating with my mates to see who will show up for me, I guarantee it is no one" We get back what we put into our friendships.

I have two boys and at times I worry about this stuff. It is easy for them to communicate online and not go out, I tell Riley I organise things with my mates because I'm selfish, it fills my cup.

Blake on the other hand had 10 mates over for a sleepover this weekend and wanted more because he didn't want anyone to miss out.

Our patterns of life play a big part in how we develop an ability to connect. I went to 7 different schools, so rarely had deep connection and that is where the story of one mate a time come from, then I joined the navy and have 4 posting in 4 years. My career followed a similiar trajectory, new jobs every 2-3 years.

Isolation: The Silent Epidemic

The term "epidemic" is often associated with infectious diseases, but isolation is a growing concern that affects millions worldwide. It's a silent epidemic because its effects are not always visible. People suffering from isolation may not show any physical symptoms, but the impact on their mental health can be profound and long-lasting. The lack of social connections and meaningful interactions can erode our sense of belonging and purpose, fundamental components of psychological well-being. It is killing men globally at alarming rates.

The Importance of Connection

Human beings are inherently social creatures. Our connections with others play a crucial role in our mental and emotional health. These connections help us feel valued, understood, and supported. They provide a buffer against stress and are associated with better health outcomes. Moreover, strong social ties can enhance our resilience, enabling us to navigate life's challenges more effectively.

This week I'm heading to a social event for business owners because when I am at home I work from my office and that gets lonely.

Bridging the Gap

Acknowledging the importance of connection is the first step towards addressing the isolation epidemic. Here are a few strategies for individuals and communities to foster meaningful connections:

Prioritize Face-to-Face Interactions: While digital communication is convenient, it cannot fully replace the value of in-person interactions. Make an effort to spend quality time with family, friends, and colleagues. Stop saying you don't have time, it is a lie you are telling yourself.

Engage in Community Activities: Participating in group activities or volunteering for causes you care about can provide a sense of purpose and belonging. Join your local surfclub, find mates to go golfing with, go for a ride, head to a park run, what do you love doing, go and do that.

Promote Inclusive Work Environments: Employers can play a significant role by creating work cultures that encourage collaboration, team-building, and social interaction among employees. In an environment where economic play a priority, this is the first thing that stops.

Seek Professional Help When Needed: If feelings of isolation are overwhelming, it's crucial to seek support from mental health professionals.

Let's not underestimate the importance of reaching out, making meaningful connections, and supporting each other. The battle against the isolation epidemic starts with understanding its impact and taking action to ensure that no one has to face it alone.

Ultimately the only person who can do this for you is you!!