The Importance of Being Remembered

by Chester Elton & Adrian Gostick with Martin Lindstrom

I (Chester) recently received a call on a busy day from a young man named Andy.

Andy has had a tough life. He is on many medications, has a hard time keeping a job, and yet through it all he’s a happy guy. He politely asked if I could spare a minute. Channeling my dad, I said, "For you Andy, I have two!" It is important that Andy knows I will always take his calls.

He began to describe a sleepless night where his demons were in full force. He was thrashing about, crying, and praying for peace when he happened upon a small wristband I had given him long ago. It’s bright orange and stamped with the question, “Are you all in?” He told me that was the moment he was able to pause from the pain and answer "yes.”  And he knew that to be “all in,” he needed to ask for help.

He called the hospital and let them know he needed to come in. An ambulance picked him up, and he got the treatment he needed to get back on track. All this happened because a small orange bracelet he’d received years before reminded him that he was not alone, he has friends who care about him, and he is remembered.

We are often amazed by the power of a simple act of kindness. In this time of pandemic, it’s more important than ever when so many feel isolated, alone, and even forgotten. A simple text, a card in the mail, an email to a friend you haven't connected with can mean so much.

Until recently, it has been nearly impossible to attach an algorithm to random acts of kindness. However, neuroscience reveals a surprising discovery. In a study, neuroeconomics professor Paul Zak found that Oxytocin is released in our brains when we feel empathy or when express care and concern for another person. In the study, Zak found when Oxytocin and the attention-generating neurotransmitter, Cortisol, is released, people were more likely to offer money to a stranger, for instance. Just as intriguing, Professor Zak, discovered that the amount of Oxytocin and Cortisol released in our brains has a direct correlation with how much money was given. These studies also revealed that acts of generosity release dopamine, which makes us feel good.

What do we do with this story and the data? As leaders, we put it into practice. No one wants to be forgotten. We all want to matter, to be remembered—from those who work for us to those we bump into on a walk.

I (Chester again) went for a walk in the park on Mothers’ Day. As I rounded a curve, I found a homeless man sitting on a bench all bundled up to fend off the cold with all he owned sitting in bags next to him. I had a granola bar and a little spare cash and turned back with a plan to offer it to the man. I asked how he was doing. 

He said, "Oh, I’m okay." 

"Anything I can do to help?" 

His reply, “Well, if you have any spare money and some food, that would help.” 

I said, “You’re in luck. I have both." And we both laughed.

When I asked his name, something magical happened. He brightened up and said, "I’m Ed."

I introduced myself and suddenly we were just a couple of guys in the park talking about the cold weather and the chilling wind. He wasn’t just another homeless guy sitting on a bench, he was Ed and he was remembered. It just took a few moments, a simple random act of kindness, and most importantly an exchange of names.

My dad could make anyone laugh and smile. He had a gift. I would like to think he passed it on to me. He would say, “Be good to everyone; everybody is having a tough day.” It’s true now, in this struggle, more than ever. And in the struggle, we are all wondering if we matter.

Our challenge, if you will accept, is to ask you to commit to one random act of kindness each day for the following 30 days. Let someone know you care and they matter through your actions. If you do, they will feel better about themselves and so will you. Are you all in?

As you begin to consider what you may do, you may answer three simple questions to see where you fall on the gratitude scale:

1.    Has it been more than a month since you reached out to a friend or colleague with a message of remembrance and encouragement?

2.     Has it been more than a month since you sent a note to someone important in your life with expressions of love?

3.    Have you taken time in this pandemic to reconsider what is important to you in your life?

Welcome to the inaugural episode of The Gratitude Journal, a place to get tips and tools to create a better culture in your work and your life. We encourage you to share practices and stories of gratitude through our #findyourgratitude campaign. Find a little gratitude each day, post a picture, and tell us why you are grateful. Every subsequent edition of this newsletter will highlight a #findyourgratitude photo chosen from your submissions

We kick this off with a photo of where Chester found his gratitude. His lovely wife Heidi has been caring for their little piece of paradise for many years, and their home brings them joy and gratitude while they are sheltering in place. He says, “I often sit in the garden and am grateful for the time to reflect and be thankful for my friends and family.” What point-of-view are you grateful for today? Post a picture of what brings you joy and add the hashtag: #findyourgratitude. Remember to include your city and country.

From the gratitude epicenter, we leave you with this mantra: Be kind. Be patient. Be grateful.

Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick have spent two decades helping clients engage their employees to execute on strategy, vision, and values. Their work is supported by research with more than 1 million working adults, revealing the proven secrets behind high-performance cultures and teams. They are the founders of The Culture Works, a global training company.

Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick’s new book, Leading with Gratitude, is now available wherever fine books are sold. Visit "Leading with Gratitude" for resources including videos, podcast episodes, and more tips and tools to build a culture of gratitude.

Chester goes LIVE on LinkedIn every Tuesday and Thursday at 1 pm ET. His show, "Leading with Gratitude" is produced by the fine folks at Methods, powered by Marshall Goldsmith's 100 Coaches.

Upcoming shows:

• Tuesday, May 26 - Allen Gannett, Author of "The Creative Curve" and Tech Entrepreneur. Allen is focused on helping the world become more creative.
• Thursday, May 28 - Daniel Shemtob, Founder CEO Executive Chef at TLT Food, The Lime Truck, Hatch Yakitori, Snibbs Shoes. Hear what he's doing to give back to our healthcare workers on the frontlines.
• Tuesday, June 2 - Tiffani Bova - Global Customer Growth and Innovation Evangelist at Salesforce. "Author of Growth IQ".
• Thursday, June 4 - David Meerman Scott - Marketing and sales visionary who inspires transformation in people and their businesses around the world. Author of Fanocracy.