The Importance of Being Heard

We live in extraordinary times. Having been around the sun 48 times, I’ve witnessed profound changes in the way we live, communicate, and interact. One could argue that the pace of human evolution has accelerated like never before, driven largely by technological advances. We can now travel across the globe in hours, conduct business from thousands of miles away, and stay connected through instant communication.

But have these advancements come at a cost? Despite the growing ease with which we connect, loneliness and mental health issues have become more pervasive. Why, in an era that supposedly makes it easier to stay connected, do so many feel isolated and unheard?

In my time, I’ve observed a common thread: a growing social disconnect. Whether in friendships, families, or workplaces, our ability to listen—to truly listen—has deteriorated. We’re quick to speak but slow to understand. Instead of fostering curiosity, we’ve become entrenched in our perspectives, unwilling to hear the other side.

Take, for example, the political climate. Conversations between individuals on opposing sides can often turn into arguments. It’s no longer about sharing ideas but about defending one’s beliefs, at any cost. The desire to be right has replaced the need to seek understanding.

As the old man from A Christmas Story once asked, "What brought you to this lowly state?"

Even though we are, in theory, more connected than ever before, we are not. And that is because we have lost the art of hearing. Too often, we prioritize being right over acknowledging when we are wrong. I recall a conversation where I sought to understand differing perspectives, asking open-ended questions to bridge gaps in understanding. Instead of engagement, I was met with resistance: "Are you finished with your questions?"—a subtle but clear signal that curiosity and vulnerability were unwelcome.

This brings us to a critical point: there is a difference between being heard and being listened to.

How much do you remember from a presentation that you had last week?? Do you recall the key message?? It is a fact that you remember 50% of what was said on the same day and by the end of 24 hours, the percentage drops to 25% and by the end of the week, it is below 10%.? Being listened to is often passive. Words come in one ear and go out the other, acknowledged but not deeply processed. The listener hears the sound but does not grasp the substance. In contrast, being heard requires active engagement. It involves not just processing what is being said but also asking questions, seeking deeper understanding, and legitimizing the concerns and emotions behind the words.

Being heard requires curiosity. It calls for the listener to approach the conversation with good intent, willing to engage with another’s thoughts and feelings rather than simply wait for their turn to speak.

Listening with intent doesn't just build better relationships; strengthens emotional resilience. This is what we must strive for—not just in our personal lives but in every interaction we engage in, professionally and beyond.