The importance of being a good role model

This article was inspired by a message that was sent to me out of the blue by someone who had come across my profile on LinkedIn. He had remembered that I had sent him a letter some 15 years ago. At the time I was working for Codemasters and the person (let’s call him JC) had written in a letter proposing a game idea that he had come up with, he was quite young at the time (10-12 years old). I took some time to draft a response thanking him for his idea and explaining that we had many ideas in development and that whilst we would not be able to take his idea forward that I was impressed with his initiative. I encouraged him to keep on studying hard and working on developing his creativity and thanked him for his time. 15 years later he still has that letter and apparently I was the only person who took the time to write back to him with some advice. It genuinely made my day when JC reached out to me and it felt good that I had made a difference. In turn that got me thinking about the importance of setting a good example and being a strong role model.

In all walks of life there are examples of good role models, our parents, a sports coach, a boss, a work colleague, perhaps a celebrity or two. Of course there are also those role models who are what one could call a counter influence, their behaviour convinces you that you don’t want to be like them. But whether they are a good role model or a bad one we all learn from them in some way. If I take a look at myself my first role models were my parents. There a lot of things that are fundamental to who I am today that I learnt from them.

• I try to treat everyone the way I would expect to be treated;
• I openly display affection to my wife, children and other loved ones so that they know they are loved and cared for;
• I have a belief in my own capability that they instilled in me.

In short some / much of the person I am today is because of my parents. This is not unique in anyway, most of us will develop personalities that are driven by our experiences in childhood and in some instances, where we perceive an injustice or sorts, we will counter that type of behaviour in our adult life. Whichever way we look at it - direct replication or counter reaction - our parents and the adults who are around us when we are young play a huge role in who we become.

Another great source of role models for me came from playing Rugby League. Until the age of thirteen it was just my mother and I, so she decided that it would be good for me to play Rugby League as a way of me having some male role models. As it happened Rugby League became a big part of my life right through until the current day and I still remember the great coaches and players who inspired me on and off the pitch. I learnt many lessons around discipline, team work, dedication and tenacity from these days and all of those skills I use every day in my professional career.

Moving into my career there are a number of people who have inspired me and shaped my career over the years. Dr Peter Knight CBE is the former Vice Chancellor (VC) of the University of Central England (UCE - now Birmingham City University). He was someone that I was told I shouldn't like, when I was elected President of the UCE's Student Union in 1995. He had a fearful reputation of being anti student union and so when I first met him in June of 1995 I was pleasantly surprised to meet a rather sharp witted and insightful VC who actually only wanted the best for the University. What I went on to find out was he had a particular issue that was holding back the University and SU relationship, we discussed the issue it was apparent we needed to work together to resolve it. Peter and I developed an excellent working relationship and he helped me to understand that life can be so much easier when you are able to understand what everyone wants and you can work out a way to develop win:win solutions. Other role models I can recall throughout my career are people like Nick Wheelwright, who was the CEO of Codemasters when I worked there. An accountant by training he instilled into me the importance of being commercial no matter what job you are doing. At KPMG there were two senior partners who were excellent role models for me, Andrew Jackson was CEO and built a self-belief in me that if I could do a good job internally then I could also help our clients by applying the expertise I have for their benefit. Tareq Al Sadhan was the other inspiration at KPMG, he was the COO and my direct boss, he helped me develop my leadership skills in terms of multiculturalism and made me a more rounded professional.

On the flip side there were two managers I have had over the years who act as examples of exactly what I don't want to be as a leader. It would not be appropriate to name them, but their leadership was divisive and negative. They tended to take a view that the louder you shouted the hard people would work for you, in reality all that happens is people eventually become accustomed to the shouting and disengage. It might be a useful short term tool (let's be honest we all sit up more and listen harder when someone you are not used to shouting starts to raise their voice) but when it is the norm it just becomes ineffective.

So what is the point of this little trip down memory lane? Well my point is that leaders have the responsibility to set standards and lead by example. I recently read a case study on Microsoft and Satya Nadella's taking over as CEO. It was a wonderful example how the tone is set from the top and then permeates through an organisation. Nadella's leadership style was inclusive and encouraging, as a result he has taken Microsoft to all-time highs and reversed the downward slide that had started. When it comes to being a good role model I think there are a number of things to remember:

People learn by osmosis - So whatever you are doing others around you will pick up on that. If you’re a leader and you expect people to behave in a particular way, then you have to show them the way and behave that way too. People who practice what they preach are much more likely to get people to act in the way they expect them too. If you don't practice what you preach, don't be surprised when others copy what you are doing and not what you are saying.

 Being respected is more important than being liked - As a role model you're not simply trying to be liked, being liked can be relatively straight forward, you just do what everyone wants to you to do and don't make life hard. But what is that doing in terms of yours and their development? It is far more important that you set clear expectations, lead by example and support your people in achieving what it required. Sometimes that will mean you need to be more firm, but if you are leading from the front and being supportive then in most situations you will gain the respect of your team.

You're not always going to get it right - We are human beings and we get things wrong, your team will forgive you for this if you have the confidence to both admit when you are wrong and also learn from what you did wrong and make sure you don't make the same mistake twice. We probably learn twice as much from our mistakes and it's important to recognise a mistake, acknowledge it, mitigate it happening again and move forward with your team.

 The whole is greater than the sum of all the parts - As a role model you have to recognise that inspiring the team around you and getting them aligned is far more effective than having a group of brilliant people that cannot work together. As leaders we have a responsibility to show how teamwork can be best used to solve complex challenges and bring out the best in all the various players. In 9 out of 10 situations a team of good people working together will achieve more than a team of superstars who do not cooperate.

Humility keeps you real – There seems to be a growing trend for leaders nowadays to be focussed on self-promotion and have narcissistic tendencies, without trying, we can all think of a few off the top of our heads. But a humble leader is one who attracts quality people, who work well as a team, are loyal and dedicated to the leader and the cause and invariably are the ones who will go that extra yard to achieve the team goal. Humility is sometimes portrayed as a weakness, but what it actually does is allow you to connect to the people around you in a real and meaningful way. It forges bonds with your colleagues that are stronger and longer lasting than the transactional bonds that connect narcissists.  

As a parent, sports coach and business leader I have always felt it is important that I set out clear expectations and help the various actors in each situation achieve these and more. I take my remit as a role model very seriously, sure I do have the occasional lapse, but generally I ensure that:

1. I tell my wife and children every day that I love them and ensure that my actions reinforce this.
2. I ensure that the people around me know that I have faith in them and that I will help them achieve their full potential, even when they are going off track.
3. I treat everyone, no matter what level or role they do in exactly the same way I would expect to be treated. 

My children often tell me that I sound exactly like their Nana (my Mother) and I tell them that is the greatest compliment they could give me as my Mum was my first and still is the greatest role model I have ever known. We all find our inspiration from different places and different people, as a Leader we have a moral and ethical obligation to lead by example and inspire those around us.