The Importance of Being Authentic: how to be who we genuinely are as leaders...

Being Authentic

With apologies to Oscar Wilde for the title of this article – “earnest” may be “important”. But being authentic is even more so if you’re a leader, although I guess you can be earnest about being authentic!

Being authentic is being genuine - or in old Aussie slang, being "fair dinkum".

We aren’t afraid to show our true selves or be different. We’re ethical, and act with integrity in line with deeply held values about what’s right in terms of our dealings with others. Bill George, the progenitor of authentic leadership, said in his 2003 book, “leadership begins and ends with authenticity.” He tied authenticity to several other traits that included:

1. An interest in empowering people over power, money, or prestige.
2. Leading out of purpose and deeply held values about serving others.
3. Refusing to water things down when principles or values are questioned
4. Enduring relationships where others follow you because they know where they stand with you
5. Being guided as much by heart, by passion and compassion, as by qualities of the mind

When we see leaders who act authentically, who practice what they profess, and do what they say they’ll do, we’re more likely to trust and respect them, and want to connect with them. On the reverse side, our emotional radar is deft at detecting falseness. When we feel people aren't being genuine, signals from our emotional brain tell us not to trust them. So we feel suspicious and disconnect.

There is also a moral dimension to authenticity. It’s about truth, doing the right thing, and treating others in upright and respectful ways.

Some think authenticity means you can act any way you want – be blunt, abrasive, critical, and people should just cop it because that’s the way you ‘genuinely’ are. Being authentic doesn’t mean ‘Good, now I can say what I really think of them and not pull any punches.’ That’s not authentic. It’s also emotionally unintelligent.

In my conversational coaching clinics , people sometimes urge me to agree that there’s certain times you have to be blunt and that being any other way is just weakness. I often reply: “You may think being blunt is being honest and authentic. But if you want others to stay open, there’s always a better way to say it with more respect and less aggravation that gets you a better result , rather than leaving others feeling unsafe, blamed and battered. ”

Find your Inner-Leader??????

Ever walked out of a crunch-time conversation or turning-point meeting, thinking to yourself: “Why didn’t I deal with that differently? Why did I go silent or politely agree? Why didn’t I say or do what I truly felt I should have” ?Questions like this put you on the brink of discovering your inner leader, or at least thinking about where you lost it or left it last.

Your inner-leader is a formidable force. Connecting with it can empower you to find joy, meaning and purpose in all parts of your life, including how you lead yourself and others.

The best leaders bring out the best in others and help them achieve their goals and aspirations. They know the first steps to be your best-self as a leader begin from within. To truly glimpse who we really are as leaders, we must understand ourselves. We need to be clear-hearted about who we are essentially, where we’re going, and how we’re going to treat people along the way.

Those set on discovering their real inner-leader reflect on questions like:

? How well do I really know myself as a person and as a leader?

? What am I hiding from myself about me? What do I fear knowing about myself?

? What isn’t working for me that I?need to front-up to?

? What’s my true personal purpose? What do I deeply value or believe in?

? What inner narratives am I stuck in? What are my self-sabotaging behaviours?

? What changes do I want to make in myself that I keep putting off?

You know you’re closing in on your inner leader when you start questioning how your personal purpose, actions and values align or not. As a leader, you need to bring your real self to the role. There’s something deep-seated inside all of us that resonates with those who genuinely tell their truth and really level with us.

More than a decade ago, Susan Scott of Fierce Conversations fame, framed 7 Principles, the second of which was “come out from behind yourself and make it real”. What she meant was the mask of pretense we all wear that conceals what’s really going on for us.

With pretend conversations, polite discussions, silent withdrawal?or emotional grandstanding that accompanies mask-wearing, it’s the antithesis of authenticity, and what makes being open and honest in many workplace cultures, a liability.

Authentic leaders don’t conceal what they feel behind a mask, pretending to be someone they’re not, or acting one way in public and another in private. They’re true to their values and they speak their truth.

Discovering your inner-leader means stepping out from behind the mask of superficiality and subterfuge, to find or revive the authentic you – to move past the limited story you, or others around you have created for you, and allow yourself to head toward something more expansive, energising, fruitful and truthful. It means:

1. Taking a long hard look at your relationship with the truth and how we all blur, defer or infer
2. Bringing our whole self to work, being “human beings not just human doings” (wise words from Deepak Chopra), replete with personal stories, emotional patterns, families, flaws, sensitivities, strengths and insecurities
3. Being candid without being caustic or critical. Saying what has to be said and also allowing others to do the same minus recrimination or repercussion
4. Being transparent, open, knowing what you believe in, what your purpose is and acting in complete accordance with that

When leaders do this, they’re more authentic; become more relatable and approachable; and those around them feel freer to have candid conversations, and open up about touchy situations such as feeling overwhelmed, not coping with workload pressure, or having made a miscalculation.

Speaking your truth isn’t all that easy. But ultimately, it’s worth it if you extricate yourself from the mire of organisation politics, pettiness and power-plays. Irrespective of the work culture you’re in, there’s always a place for telling your truth, and your inner-leader quest can help with that.

Speaking your truth can also make you more resolute, resilient and approachable as a leader, capable of holding safe space for others, and empowering them to tell their truth as well even if it goes against the consensual grain, raises the heat in the room a little or niggles the nay-sayers.

4 Arenas for Authentic Leaders

So how do you discover and release your inner-leader - the part of you that knows instinctively what’s right for you?

As kids, most of us tried to please others and seek approval. We wanted to be accepted and were generally expected to do what we were told (well mostly anyway) and not to question authority figures like parents, teachers (and later bosses or experts). Slowly changing, admittedly.

But the process of letting ourselves be moulded by other’s expectations is still a strong upbringing theme that leads to losing touch with our inner-leader as it’s worn-down and goes into hibernation.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Brené Brown

So the first step is find where your inner leader is slumbering and wake it up. Of course, it’s still there somewhere, waiting to be revivified.

This diagram maps four main arenas that make up authentic leadership…?????????

1. The first is creating safe spaces. Safety has a lot to do with how much inclusion, connection, belonging and support I think there is around me and whether I feel safe to speak-up, contribute ideas and question the status quo without fear of being marginalised or recriminated against.

People begin to feel unsafe if they register disapproval, blame, accusation, judgement, intimidation, coercion and so on. It's deeply connected to assumptions we hold about the intentions and motivations of others. This in turn, affects the emotional quality of our relationships and our ability to connect, communicate openly, learn and work together effectively.

Creating a safe and supportive environment takes us to the next arena…

2. Trust and respect are the twin currencies of leaders. They must treat their team with respect, entrust them, and ensure team members do the same. If we respect someone, we’re more likely to see them as trustworthy - and if we trust someone, we’re more likely to respect them.

If trust doesn’t exist in a relationship, team or workplace, safety is unlikely to exist either. Take-away trust and respect and what replaces it is rivalry, personal dislikes, lack of appreciation or sheer indifference.

Trust and respect go hand-in-hand. Most teams name ‘respect’ among their top 10 values, and lack of it as one their main concerns. It’s first and foremost a state of mind – though it does translate into a set of behaviours you can learn, which don’t always come naturally.

Respect is something we expect others to give us unconditionally. Yet we often give it conditionally, sometimes grudgingly, and all too easily take back. The other sad part about lack of respect is that many of us don't mean to be. We don’t see how we’re being disrespectful.

Having respect means being accepting, appreciating other's contributions, keeping an open mind and understanding many people will almost certainly hold opinions and perspectives and opinions that differ from ours

3. Connectivity is the third arena - the primal urge we all feel to belong, be liked, needed, respected, understood and in-tune with others. Good relations rely on making positive emotional connections. It’s a telling indicator of how we get along, how much trust there is, and how safe and supportive our team feels.

Authentic leaders have the courage, candour, compassion and commitment to cultivate connectivity. Unless you can connect with people, it’s going to be difficult to do much else with them. ?That’s why we say connectivity comes first...

If you lack authenticity, there can’t be real connection. And you’ll find it hard to connect with others until you have connected with your real inner self.

Making time for connective moments matters for health and well-being too. It has a calming, restoring and healing effect on both us and others around us that insulates us from toxic emotions and counters the effects of stress by calming bodily reactions.

4. The Fourth arena is vulnerability - the source of our authenticity. Being vulnerable enables people to see more of you as a human being and connect better with you. This creates better conditions in other arenas to increase safety, trust, respect, likingness and connectivity.

Brené Brown puts vulnerability and authenticity at the centre of all human connection. "The result of mutually respectful vulnerability”, she says in her book, Daring Greatly, “is increased connection, trust and engagement.”

Showing vulnerability means overturning long-fixed mindsets that see it as a weakness or liability rather than a strength and asset. This also goes against an ingrained mindset of what a strong and resolute leader looks like.

But being vulnerable takes gumption. It means revealing the real you - your stories, experiences, strengths, sore spots and home-truths that show others why you think, feel or do things the way you do. Showing vulnerability also creates ‘permission space’ for others to trust, open-up and be more vulnerable too.

By the way, being vulnerable doesn’t mean leaders always disclose personal experiences or randomly reveal emotions or their internal life all the time. It’s not over-sharing, being confessional or being open about everything with everyone. Healthy vulnerability is knowing when it’s fitting to share or not...

In Closing

Connecting with your inner-leader can be a powerful, life-sustaining or renewing experience. It enables you to find purpose, meaning, vitality and success in all facets of your existence, including how you lead others – to clearly see your strengths, find your personal leadership path, and traverse it with clarity, intent and focus...?

This article is based on extracts from our Discover your Inner-Leader program on the role authenticity, self-awareness and vulnerability play in being a real leader.

There’s a powerful leader within all of us, waiting to be unleashed, to help you create the life and have the impact you truly imagine. If you’d like to focus on finding or refining your-inner-leader, ?why not talk with me about individual leader coaching or download our Discover your Inner-Leader course brochure

More on leadership learning programs like emotional and social intelligence, compassionate leadership, Leading through Conversations and Discovering your Inner Leader on-line .

BILL CROPPER – Director, The Change Forum

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