Impactful Introversion

During a recent LinkedIn Audio Event, I spoke about how introverts can have an impact in leadership roles.?

Here are four ways I’ve learned to lead with confidence as an introvert:

1. Leverage one-on-one meetings: Build deeper, meaningful connections by engaging with individuals rather than large groups.
2. Public speaking in controlled environments: Speaking to groups can be empowering for introverts when the environment is structured and predictable.
3. Try improv to handle chaos: Improv helps introverted leaders navigate the unexpected with confidence and flexibility.
4. Set boundaries to recharge: Protect your energy by recognizing when it’s time to step away, recover, and return with focus.

The following is the transcript from the LinkedIn Audio Event:

Good morning and welcome to leadership impact.?

My name is Matthew Devine.?

Today I want to talk about being a quiet leader and how I learned to lean into my introversion and still have an impact.?

It started a little over a decade ago when I read a book that absolutely changed my life. ?

Prior to that, at that time in my life, I was constantly under some level of stress, and not the acute stress you get when you're on a project and there's huge deadlines and everyone's doing things and everything's all happening all at once. This was a kind of a general hum that started the moment I walked out of my house in the morning to go to work, navigating through the noise and bustle of the streetcar on the subway and continuing through the day plagued by ringing telephones and beeps of emails and constant talking in the office around me.?

It’s all fairly normal life stuff.?

I felt awkward in large meanings, especially large gatherings that involve people milling around and talking to each other in an unstructured way. I felt very claustrophobic in those environments. I never knew what to say, or I would talk too long to one person, and I could feel the conversation had run its course, but I never knew when that took place and how to gracefully extricate myself from those discussions. I never felt I was good at networking as a result, or basic socializing.

Obviously, I worked in a corporate environment. It was okay. But inside, I was feeling like I didn't know what I was doing, and by the end of the day, I relish, relish the opportunity to put on my jacket, grab my bag and take a long, quiet walk home to decompress.?

And maybe by the end of the day, I would have relaxed enough to feel normal, whatever normal means. I know I was an introvert. I've always known I've been an introvert, but I didn't really know what that meant. What I did know is that I was more comfortable by myself or on one on one with a friend than I ever was at a party or in large groups.

But I didn't know why that was until I read a book that did change my life, you know. And that book was called “Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World that Cannot Stop Talking”, by Susan Kane.?

And while many books include incredible stories and amazing ideas and well researched topics, few have tangibly changed my life in the way that quiet did for me.?

What I learned from quiet was why introverts are the way they are, and that it is completely normal and it's okay to be an introvert. Those two things radically changed my approach in how I live my life and what I did next.?

Specifically, I learned that introverts spend their energy differently than extroverts.?

Okay, so I want to picture a situation.?

Picture an introvert and an extrovert waking up in the morning, the extrovert starts their day mostly with an empty battery. They get up, they turn on their music, maybe they sing along to a song. They start talking to their family, the people around them, and as they do this, their social battery starts charging up. And throughout the day, they have great conversations. They are dazzled by sounds and lights all around them. It's all exciting. Their battery changes. It charges even more and more, and every time they engage and experience the world around them, it energizes them.?

For an introvert, it's the reverse. An introvert will usually start the day with a full battery, or mostly full battery, and as they talk to people they encounter in noisy environments, they have to spend energy to keep themselves on track and functioning. The more people and noise and chaos, the more energy they need to spend until by the end of the day, they drag their home, themselves home, battery drained and exhausted, and I'm making this stark contrast to illustrate the difference.?

Obviously, extroverts get tired too, and introverts can get excited by things that are going on the world.?

Now the cause of this difference comes down to how sensitive introverts and extroverts are to the world, and introverts are simply more sensitive to the inputs from the outside world. The lights or sounds or just the general bustle, that those kinds of interactions from the outside world are more intense for an introvert.?

As a result, they try to turn down the volume on their life, because it's just overwhelming.?

From a sensory perspective, extroverts, by comparison, are not as sensitive to the world.?

Now this is not to say they are not sensitive people. Of course, extroverts are sensitive people. What I mean is that they are physically more sensitive to the thing or physically not as sensitive to the things around them, and so they need to turn up the dial, turn up the volume, in order to experience it fully.?

The challenge is that much of the world and much of the work world, whether that's in person or online, has been shaped by extroverts.?

Now that's changed somewhat. Since many of us are working virtually these days or working from home, there are more opportunities for introverts to put themselves on mute for a period of time, but we still need to be on Zoom calls or teams meetings for most of our meetings, and zoom, fatigue is a real thing. It wouldn't surprise me, though, if an introvert coined the term.? It’s exhausting for an introvert to be on for such long periods of time, even in virtual meetings.?

Getting back to the book, Quiet, when I read it, I finally understood why I was living with a constant background hum of stress. It was because I was exhausting myself and not taking time to recover, let alone not even understanding what I needed to do to recover.?

And now I knew what it meant to be an introvert, and I could make changes that would help me get my energy back and start getting my life moving forward.?

Here are four things I changed or added to my life since embracing my introversion that helped me succeed as a quiet leader. There's lots of things, but I picked four.?

First, one on one meetings.?

Being an introvert, I realized my strength was connecting with people, one on one, sure, of course, I would have team meetings and arrange other large gatherings. You need to do that. That's just part of work. It's just part of life.?

But where I made a difference was the deeper conversations I could have with one other person. I could minimize the distractions. We go into a room, in a meeting room, or an office, or whatever, and have a nice one on one conversation. People didn't have to talk over each other, so there's no competition for trying to be heard, and I could spend time listening to the real issues the other person was facing. Each conversation was a chance to slow down, be more contemplative, and in a way, catch my breath at the same time.?

One misconception about introverts is that we're shy, and that's not true, not true at all. Introverts, like people, just as much as extroverts, we just get overwhelmed when there are too many and there's too much going on.?

Introverts, if you get into a one on one meeting, we can talk for hours as a leader, I regularly use one on one meetings to build trust with each of my team members. This way, I can address the real challenges they are facing, but also in an individualized fashion.?

What does this person actually need, and how can I help them, specifically solve them??

It's also helpful to get agreements on topics by connecting with each party separately, I'm able to work through specific issues without getting distracted by competing interests or topics or people trying to get in their their own opinions. This allows us to have a clean conversation and get to the real issue and get agreement on the real issue by understanding that my strength was in one on one meetings.?

That is how I started to operate as a leader, how I manage my team was often through leaning into these one on one conversations.?

The second thing I started doing, and I learned after I read the book quiet, was around public speaking.?

Now this may sound counterintuitive, but I'm actually quite comfortable standing up in front of a large group of people and talking, despite being an introvert, I want to make a distinction though being nervous speaking in front of a large group of people is a human experience, not an introvert experience.?

And just because you may be nervous getting up in front of people and speaking, it’s not because you're an introvert, it's because you're human.?

This is a skill.?

This is a practice you need to get comfortable with.?

But extroverts get nervous just as much as introverts getting up and talking in front of people.?

If you're feeling nervous, know that it's not because you're an introvert. For me, I recognized that speaking in front of groups was actually an environment that could be controlled. The room is not a chaotic environment. It's not a jumble like a network environment where people are milling around and there's lots of noise and chaotic things.?

Often, if you're in a space where you're delivering a speech, you're at the front of a room and everyone's paying attention, or you're in a meeting room, and now it's your turn to speak, and now you can speak to the whole room.?

Everyone is going to be listening.?

I realize some meetings can be a bit more chaotic, but if you're in an environment where you're delivering a speech, people are going to be listening to you. That's a controlled environment. Also, when you're speaking, there's a structure to it. There's a set time limit. Typically, there's a set way of interacting. The information is flowing in certain ways at certain times, and you can control how that information is communicated.?

For instance, if you're facilitating a discussion at the front of the room, you can tell the room, all right, we're going to get through this piece of information first, and then you'll have a chance to ask questions.?

So you're controlling when interactions take place, and that allows you, as the speaker, as the quiet speaker, to be able to communicate in a way that's less draining and less exhausting. And so despite being an introvert, I found I was able to stand in front of large groups of people, hundreds of people, in fact, and deliver a presentation without it being a drain on me.?

Now, to be clear, public speaking is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced.?

It's a technique that can be honed over a period of time. You can't just simply step out on stage and think that it's all going to go well. You still need to practice.?

But finding a way to have influence through speaking, but in a controlled environment, is actually something that's possible, even if you're an introvert. ?

The third thing I started doing after I read the book, quiet, and this may not be for everyone, but I'm putting it here to open your mind to the possibility, is improv.?

So the extroverted world can be chaotic, and you are not always going to have control over what goes on what happens, and so I decided to give improv a try.?

Improvisation, for those of you who don't know what improv is, it's often used in a comedy setting, you're given a topic, and without a script and without any rehearsal, you go on stage and perform a scene based on that topic, and the results are often very funny, which is why it's often used in comedy.?

But sometimes the results can be absolutely magical, and what can be created it this is something that many people would be stressed by even contemplating it. I'm mentioning here because it's actually very useful skill, especially for a quiet manager and a quiet leader.?

I recognize as a quiet leader that there were still many things in my job that were stressful and chaotic and I didn't have control over I couldn't simply just run away and hide in a quiet room just because something unexpected happened. I needed to respond to it. I needed to show up as the leader, to direct the next course of actions, to get the thing under control, do whatever needs to be done.?

Improv, the skill of improv was a way of allowing me to relax into the chaos, accept the chaos and adapt to it, because in improv, you don't have the answers.?

You don't have any information.?

You are simply taking information as it comes to you and responding to it.?

And this skill is very useful for an inter dealing in a chaotic world. It allows you to deal with whatever chaos comes at you and do something productive with it.?

Most improv classes, if you're to take classes, and I recommend, if you're thinking about this, go and find an improv school that's teaching improv classes, usually they're done in small groups, and you're never put on stage in front of an audience. The first number of lessons are always going to be done in a controlled environment.?

It's good way to learn you play silly games that are entirely designed to help you relax into expressing yourself in random ways and accepting random things from the other people who are taking the class.?

It's a lot of fun to take these classes.? And, if nothing else, do it for the do it for the LOLs. Do it for the joy. It's great.?

The end result, I found I was able to spend less energy dealing with unexpected, disruptive situations, and I could have a lot more joy in dealing with the random things that happened and almost anticipate and embrace them when they did take place.?

Fourth, the fourth thing that I started doing after I read the book quiet was to set better boundaries for myself.?

So as much as improv might allow me to deal with chaotic situations, it still was important to create healthy boundaries, learning to pay attention to when I became tired and overwhelmed, and then being okay to step away were very important boundaries that I set in my life.?

During long events, this could take the form of taking a short break, finding someplace quiet, cool for just a few minutes, just simply to get that breath of fresh air and get away from the noise for a few minutes, clear out my thoughts and then I could reengage.?

It doesn't have to be long, but understanding that this is a good way to let off a bit of steam, recharge the battery that little bit, and get back into it.?

Then at large parties or gatherings was also knowing when it was time for me to leave, when I was when I was ready, when I had exhausted that social battery to a point that it wasn't going to be recovered in a short time and that it was okay to step away.?

To be clear, you still need to show up and you can't walk away after the first interaction.?

Spending energy as an introvert is still important.?

If you want to make connections and you want to have an impact, you still need to invest this time, but it's understanding when the your levels drop down, and how do you recover from them??

Because if you were to let your energy level drop too low, you're not going to be paying attention very well. You're not going to be functioning very well. I know for myself, I tend to get irritated if I get really tired, so it's useful for you to understand when you're getting tired, so you're performing at your best. In a way, it's like that Snickers commercial, you're not you if you're hungry, and it's true for introverts, you're not you if you're tired or socially exhausted.?

A friend of mine is actually really good at this. She'll politely, with a smile, express that she is tired and it's time for her to go home. It's done easily and gracefully, and you can do that too.?

And when you do step away, find an environment that helps you recover.?

Personally, I like getting outside and going for a walk, ideally, if it is someplace cool or quiet, all the better. I love Autumn for that, by the way, that helps a lot. Some people will even take a short nap in the middle of the day as a way of recharging. If you have the timing and you have the space to do that, then great, that's a good way of recharging.?

Key thing I want to leave you with, being an introvert, being a quiet leader does not mean you cannot have an impact on the world. Being an introvert should not be used as an excuse to hide in the corner or not get involved in activities.?

You have the ability to make a difference, not only in the world outside you and the people around you, your community, your colleagues, your work friends, but also for yourself. And that requires engagement.?

You have the ability to make your voice heard. Understand what it means to be an introvert and use those characteristics to your advantage.?

This has been Leadership Impact. My name is Matthew Devine, CPCC, ACC . If you wish to carry on this conversation, send me a DM or click on my profile to book an appointment and no charge. Let's have a conversation, and I'd be happy to connect with you. And until next time, let's get to work.