The Impact of Words

Most people use Albert Mehrabian’s 7-38-55 Rule to define elements of personal communication and interpret this as “7% of communication is transmitted by words, 38% by tone of voice, and 55% by body language.” They propose that in any conversation, words matter by 7% and non-verbal communication matters by 93%. The importance of body language and tone of voice in communication cannot be denied. Yet, how can we ignore the importance of what we say? How can the impact of words be only 7%?

Let’s clarify the use of this rule because the truth about the formula, the interpretation, is way different. The rule has been evaluated out of its context and lost its original meaning. It has been generalized and used as a general rule in every type of communication. Prof. Albert Mehrabian has posted the explanation below to prevent the misuse of the formula and misunderstandings.

“Total Liking = 7% Verbal Liking + 38% Vocal Liking + 55% Facial Liking. Please note that this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e., like—dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.” - Albert Mehrabian

7-38-55 Rule is true in the context of communication of emotions and feelings. We decipher more about people’s feelings by the tone of voice and body language compared to words. When spoken words and non-verbal messages contradict people believe non-verbal cues more than words. In cases where words are not sufficient to understand someone, body language and tone of voice help more. For instance, when a leader talks about strategy, the words are a very important part of communication. You cannot figure out the messages about company strategy from body language. Take Ted Talks. Speakers craft their ideas with striking messages that catch the attention of the audience. They just spice it up with body language and tone of voice. Words matter!

Words are the gateways to meaningful human connection. What we say and how we say it employs clues about who we really are. Words are the mirrors of character and personality. Managers and leaders who are in the spotlight in organizations, inspire others by what they do but more importantly by what they say they did or will do. People watch out for what comes out of a leader’s mouth. There is always a circle of curiosity around what a leader has to say about a certain decision, topic, issue, or problem. People weigh what leaders say and try to understand the way they think, decide, execute, and lead.

Words are the mirror of people’s inner world. The relationship of people with their words reflects their character qualities as well as their communication strengths or weaknesses. Effective communication is the foundation for great leadership. The backbone for leadership impact is to connect, build and cultivate relationships through effective communication. Words create bridges of communication. The words leaders choose are the keys that open up what kind of person they are. “What they say” connects “what they do” with “who they are.”

The art of communication is the language of leadership.

– James Humes

Words determine the level and the quality of impact we want to create in this world. Words are the gifts that empower us if we choose the right ones. Choosing the right words, and saying them at the right time at the right place to the right person in the right way is the recipe for “effective communication.” The words we choose determine the way we connect and how others perceive us.

?I feel passionately about how I express myself. Language is the greatest motivating force. You can phrase something positively and inspire people to do their best, or negatively and make them feel worried, uncertain, and self-conscious.

– Frances Hesselbein

Use Words of Care to Acknowledge Others

Words can be your powerhouse. You can create magic with words, charming and inspiring others. People seek grounds of communication where they feel seen, heard, and valued. People want to know and see the signs that people care for them. People find comfort in the words carefully chosen by others. They get the sense of belonging they need to become their best and excel at their full potential. Using powerful words to communicate ideas improves communication and motivates people. If the words you choose make people feel special and important, you can win their hearts. It might not always be easy to influence people with words; however, sometimes it is as easy as “saying their names” in any conversation.??

Be Impeccable with Your Word

Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom book, The Four Agreements, starts with the first agreement, “Be Impeccable with Your Word.” According to Ruiz, the word is not just a sound or a written symbol. Your word is the power that you have to create. It is so powerful that one word can change a life or destroy the lives of millions of people. Ruiz uses the metaphor “sword with two edges” to define the power and the magic of words. “Your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.” When you’re impeccable with your word, you avoid negative self-talk and avoid spreading emotional poison by gossiping about other people. If your words come from a source of love and integrity, the power of words can serve you, not work against you. With this, you plant good seeds in the mind. Especially at work, avoiding unnecessary destructive comments about others is very important to handle interpersonal relationships.

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:

Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?

– Rumi

Think Before You Speak and Test Your Words

Words can turn into disastrous weapons when used incorrectly. So, it helps to stop and think before we speak. And apply this great simple and lifetime test, Three Gates of Speech. Before you speak, at the first gate, ask yourself: Is it true? If yes, go to the second gate. If it is not true, do not say it. If what you say is true but not necessary, do not say it. You cannot pass the second gate. If what you say is true and necessary, but not kind, do not say it. Stop at the third gate. Do not speak unless your words are TRUE and NECESSARY and KIND.

Breathe Before You Speak

Marshall Goldsmith , the world’s #1 Leadership Thinker and Executive Coach, recommends leaders use “breath.” Before you speak at work, breathe and ask yourself “Is my comment going to improve another person’s commitment?” If the answer is no, don’t say it.

Before you speak, breathe, and ask these questions:

·?????Will this help the other person?

·?????Will this comment help the person I am talking about?

·?????Will this comment help our customers?

·?????Will this comment help our company?

If the answer is yes, continue. Otherwise, what is the point of saying it? “Is what I say helpful for the stakeholders?” That is the point.

Change the Language from Negative to Positive

It is possible to change the language and choose the right words when we stop, breathe, think about the three gates, and ask these questions before we speak. There is always a chance to turn negativity into positivity and say things in a nicer and more influential way, even when we need to share bad news. This is crucial when managers and leaders need to share feedback related to performance. There are not many real-life examples of how to give criticism in a way both critically constructive and emotionally intelligent. Choosing words to address the problem, not to point to the person, brings a more positive perspective and motivation to solve problems.

Despite problems, there are always things to be grateful for. Choosing words of appreciation and using appreciative inquiry can turn constraints into opportunities. Whatever you say, do not forget to say, “Thank You.” Showing appreciation for even the slightest effort in your organization will elevate your people to strive for becoming better and better every day.?

Avoid Words with Negative Impact

For the sake of positive language, effective communication, and a growth mindset, it is better to avoid certain vocabulary.

·?????“But” is a verbal eraser. Anything you say before saying “but,” loses its effect with what comes after the word “but.”

·?????“However” can have the same effect as “but” in terms of discounting the meaning.

·?????“Why” puts people in a defensive mode. Try to ask “What” questions instead.

·?????“No” should not be used to avoid problems or people. Usually saying no closes communication channels and never helps with finding solutions.

·?????“Never,” say never.

·?????“Not” is for negative actions. For example, instead of saying “I cannot do it,” use more empowering phrases such as “I am not there YET!”

Be Mindful Not to Create Further Stress

Based on Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace: 2022 Report, stress among the world’s workers reached an all-time high- again. In 2021, 44% of employees experienced stress a lot of the previous day. (2019- 38%, 2020- 43%) Negative emotions like worry, anger, and sadness continue to remain above pre-pandemic levels as well as stress.

The importance of communication skills has increased considerably, especially after Covid. The way managers and leaders communicate directly impact employees’ stress and anxiety levels. There are a lot of different reasons why people are stressed at work and about work. There is no point in making things harder for your people with your words when you have no intention to do so. Leaders need to be more aware of how they communicate, lead, and manage teams in times of uncertainty.

“If you care about being thought credible and intelligent, do not use complex language where simpler language will do.”

―?Daniel Kahneman,?Thinking, Fast and Slow

Be Clear with Your Message

It is important to convey messages that prevent confusion and stress. Managers and leaders need to choose brief, precise, to-the-point words to communicate their ideas, vision, and decisions effectively. Employees lose direction and purpose when they are exposed to complex and unclear messages about what they do and what they are expected to do. Making things simple and clear not only improves communication, but it prevents conflicts and any stress around the work. For leadership presence and influence, it is important to avoid vague explanations and assumptions. People might get confused about the integrity of a leader if the messages include assumptions rather than solid facts and data.

Listen and Feel Your Audience

Emotionally intelligent managers and leaders listen to people and take the time to understand where they are and how they feel. Listening with empathy and understanding people’s emotions are great ways to design our responses and choose words that are kind, respectful, influential, and meaningful. Every conversation is an emotional transmission. Emotions are energies in motion, they travel both ways. Whatever we say or communicate carries energy for others and has an emotional and relational impact. It is so important, now in this digital era where we communicate via emails and social media, that our words should inspire and open up people, or make people think, not punish them. When Elon Musk sent an email to #twitter employees, it was not motivating at all. “A Fork in the Road” email with messages like "we need to be extremely hardcore" and "we must do everything we can to advance the cause," did not speak to his audience and carried emotions against people.

Mind Your Words

Words are our tools, and we have to learn how to play with them. If we prioritize the positive impact we want to create for others, we need to choose our words diligently. Words stand out for our character, make a great difference in our relationship with others, and become the impact.

Until next time

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