The impact of the Extrovert Ideal on an introvert’s life

At Bottom Line, during my first meeting with my manager, she asked me, 

“Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Do you like to take time to process information and then get back to people or do you like to answer immediately?”

She proceeded to say, “I am an introvert, and personally like to take the time to reflect and get back to people.”

 If my manager had not taken the time to say that, I would never have admitted that I am an introvert and prefer to take my time to reflect on a conversation before replying. In my past experiences, I have felt intellectually inferior whenever I took more time to answer a question compared to my peers or coworkers. I was not able to understand the reason behind it until after I read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in the World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. The book explains the concept of the Extrovert Ideal as “the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight” (Cain 4). Cain explains how this concept is so ingrained in our school system and work culture, that although “one third to one-half Americans are introverts...the vast majority of teachers believe that the ideal student is an extrovert”(Cain 4). This is the reason why most introverts feel intellectually inferior and eventually become “closet introverts” (Cain 5) as I did. 

I had trained myself to become a closet introvert by answering questions immediately or asking questions during conversations. But these questions and answers would usually be based on surface-level understanding. The Extrovert Ideal creates a standard of being able to process information or responding to a question quickly. Since it takes me time to process information, I felt pressured to respond, or ask questions before I have gotten a chance to fully absorb the information. When my manager asked me if I took more time to answer a question, it helped me understand that it’s ok to take time to answer a question. This does not necessarily mean that I am intellectually inferior or don’t know what I'm doing. I just have a different working style compared to the working style that is normalized in the workplace and schools.  

It’s great to be self-aware and know that you are an introvert or an extrovert. In fact, create a document about what is the best way to work with you as Jerry Lee did. But I think it’s also really important that managers have these conversations with their employees, so their employees can be more self-aware and are able to be themselves at work. For example, my manager being honest about her working style, as well as respecting mine helped me build trust. It also made me feel more comfortable when it came to asking her questions or providing her with suggestions.  

Would love to hear what you are doing as a manager to encourage your employees to be more self-aware.

Note: You can find my working with doc here. (My working with doc looks really similar to Jerry’s since I was able to resonate with a lot of points that Jerry brought up).