The Impact of Coming Out Experiences on Leadership Behaviours

In the intricate tapestry of human experience, the journey of coming out holds profound significance for members of the LGBTQAI+ community. This journey is not just personal but can also massively impact professional lives and leadership behaviours. So, my thoughts were, can the nature of one's coming out experience (whether positive or negative) impact the way in which we lead and navigate through our careers?

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Layered on top of this is the period in which people came out and/or the reasons why they chose not to. The fear during the 80’s and 90’s due to the advent of HIV and AIDS and the hysterical homophobia which resulted, scare mongered people to remain in the closet. This surely had a massive impact on the development of peoples personal and professional behaviours. I am not suggesting it has been easier for the subsequent generations. New challenges in the form social platforms have led to bullying and intimidation to manifest in a different guise. However ,the world has evolved over the decades and attitudes have changed, therefore it is likely that the development of leadership behaviours has also changed.

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The process of coming out is deeply individual, marked by a diverse array of feelings and emotions resulting in unique experiences. Some individuals find themselves embraced with love, support, and acceptance from their families, friends, and colleagues. This positive affirmation can instil a sense of confidence, self-assuredness, and authenticity that naturally carries over into their professional behaviours.

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Conversely, others encounter rejection, hostility, and discrimination upon revealing their sexual orientation. These negative experiences can sow seeds of doubt, fear, and a constant need for validation. Their ability to focus is also challenged due to being in a constant state of hyper vigilance (where is the next threat coming from?) and the ancient part of the brain of ‘fight or flight ‘kicks in. When these individuals’ step into leadership roles, might they carry with them the weight of past trauma and a persistent awareness of societal prejudices?

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Leadership behaviours stem from our deep-rooted values and beliefs developed over time and are intrinsically linked to our experiences (good and bad). Personality and biological wiring play a part too; however the impact of our experiences will certainly influence what others see in us.

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If an individual has had a positive coming out experience, are they more likely to lead with a greater sense of authenticity and self-awareness due the fact that they were embraced for who they are? Could this lend itself to leading with transparency, honesty, and a willingness to cultivate inclusive environments? Being comfortable with vulnerability and having navigated the waters of acceptance, could this develop a stronger sense of empathy enabling them to understand the unique challenges faced by their team members and create environments of understanding and support? Ergo could recognition of the value of diverse perspectives actively work to create spaces where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued?

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On the other hand, are people who have faced rejection or discrimination during their coming out journey be more likely to exhibit different leadership behaviours shaped by their past experiences. A history of negative reactions could lead to a guarded leadership style. These individuals might be more cautious in revealing personal information, fearing judgment or discrimination.

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However, it could result in hyper-awareness of biases in the workplace. Manifesting in a heightened sensitivity to discrimination or exclusion, leading them to be vocal advocates for equality. Leaders who have overcome negative coming out experiences may also exhibit remarkable resilience. This resilience can translate into a strong ability to navigate difficult situations, inspire others, and effect positive change.

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It would be easy to assume that positive coming out equates to good leadership and negative coming out leaders to bad leadership. This is not the case. What I’m positioning is that the experience one goes through, positive or negative, can be seen in the leadership traits, good or bad. It is crucial to note that while past experiences shape leadership behaviours, they do not dictate them entirely. The journey of coming out is just one element of a person's identity. Leaders are complex individuals, influenced by a myriad of factors including upbringing, education, experiences, and values.

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In my adulthood I have had mostly positive experiences. Reassuring and supporting reactions from friends and family when coming out in my late teens. This, followed by twenty-five years of my career so far working in open and accepting environments where you are recognised for your talent not who you are sexually attracted to. I can see the impacts of this in my leadership capability. I’m able to form strong relationships with stakeholders rapidly, state manage in a diverse range of situations and have an overwhelming passion for enabling others to achieve their potential.

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I can however track back even further to my senior school days, where, although I wasn’t bullied, I did experience feelings of isolation when my preference wasn’t to play football with the other boys at breaktime. Not because I felt threatened, I just didn’t like the game. It was a choice, however it did ignite feelings of insecurity as I was seen as being different from everyone else. At that time in my life, I couldn’t see that that was a good thing. It did however develop my strong sense of independence at an early age meaning that I took accountability for the decisions I made. It also made me confident in exploring new relationships with a diverse range of people as I sought company. This has stayed with me as I love meeting new people from different cultures and backgrounds and expanding my knowledge of society.

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My intention is always to instigate thought and self-discovery as to whether the coming out journey has impact, and can the different experiences act as the cornerstones of the leadership behaviours identified in you today? ?Although I have positioned this from an LGBTQAI+ perceptive due to my sexuality, I can equally see that this principle can be applied in any experience which triggers an emotion or feeling. Think about a parent not being present while growing up, overcoming adversity or addiction, neurodiversity diagnosis, physical and psychological abuse these will all insight deep rooted manifestation of certain behaviours.

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Whether positive or negative, these coming out experiences or just experiences leave imprints on leadership behaviours, influencing authenticity, empathy, inclusivity, resilience, and more. By understanding and acknowledging these influences, we can move closer to creating workplaces where all individuals, regardless of their background, can thrive as leaders and bring their whole selves to the table.

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