Immigrants who made a decision to build a whole new life in English, don’t struggle with English. They struggle with connection.
Natalia Tokar
English communication coach for A-players | Learn to be YOU in any language | I developed a system of specific exercises to master non-trivial skills and 10x your learning skills
Many immigrants feel:
They work on their English skills all the time, but this work feels unending. They still can’t reach the level of connection that they need.
How does INVISIBLE feel?
- you’re passed over for promotions and recognition at work
- you’re judged as a collective representation of your culture. You’re not seen as an individual.
E.g.
All Latin-Americans are loud.
All Germans are obsessed with rules. They always obey the authority.
All Russians are cold and rude.
How does LONELY feel?
- you struggle expressing your true self in another language. You feel ignored, unseen, and disconnected from others.
- you get the signals that your experiences are irrelevant because you can’t explain them in another language
- you feel like you’re able to express only a simplified version of you, and never the full, authentic version of you when you speak in English.
How does MISUNDERSTOOD feel?
- People can’t relate to what you’re saying, and you know why. You can’t find the English words to explain your soul to them
- People respond to what they know about your culture, and not to what they see in you. You feel unseen. You get tired of explaining yourself.
- People don’t take your seriously. You want to be correct so badly, and you try so hard that it creates the opposite effect. They see a person who’s trying hard to prove a point, not a person who wants to connect.
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You’re trying hard to be heard. I get it.
You say the “right” words, but when you put the words together, the meaning escapes them. You blame your bad English, and you have no idea WHAT ELSE you should do for people to hear what you mean.
Most immigrants give up
At some point, they accept the level they have achieved and stop trying to speak better.
...because they don’t know a better way to improve their language skills. They do what they know. They continue doing what got them to their current level.
They hope that the environment will do the job.
Everyone told them that living in an English-speaking country would fix their English skills for good...and reaching the level of virtuosity would be effortless.
Basically, everyone lied to them.
The truth is: the environment doesn’t care. It exists with or without you.
Don’t expect native speakers to correct your mistakes. Don’t give them the job they never asked for. Instead, start practicing connection in English instead of practicing the English language as a separate academic discipline.
To practice connection, you need to do the exercises that will teach you to take on other people’s perspectives. You need to RElearn how to speak, listen, read, and write in English. Now you have an audience, and it’s not your English teacher. Your audience is people who matter and who want to be in your life. You want to be in their life too. Your audience needs your truth, not your perfect but soulless correctness.
This means UNlearning and RElearning almost everything.
This means getting out of autopilot mode every day and being aware and present with yourself and others when you speak and when you listen.
This is what I teach and practice daily.
I will be happy to help you find a new learning trajectory. Book a 20-min introductory call with me. I will listen to you attentively and recommend the exercises that you can do on your own or with others (your choice). Anyways, I will show you what I see and feel in the way you speak, and I will recommend very specific, practical steps that you can take right now to reorganize and rethink your English practice.
Everyone needs connection. No one is supposed to be in this alone. I know what I'm talking about. I have changed countries 3 times.
Go to nataliatokar.me/mentorship to send me a quick message or feel free to DM me and I'll send you a link to record a 30-60 sec voice message to introduce yourself. We will take it from there. The first 20 min of my time are my gift to you. You don't need to pay for asking for help and direction.